First of all, Let me say thank you to everyone on this board that has responded to my threads that last day. I feel like I am being a board hog - being new here and just posting all my problems like this. But I appreciate it SO much. I am not sure what I would do without a place to unload all of this. I am on such an emotional roller coaster and I really need to get off of this ride.

WH, who has been sticking to his story that they are now *just friends* refuses no contact with her. Has flat out told me that he will be going to her house on Thurs after work for a party. This is exactly how things began with them in the first place. He stays out late almost every night and excludes me from a big part of his life. I have been trying to hang on to our M and at least get through Christmas but I can't stomach this anymore. I am becomming more upset and miserable by the hour.

Before he left for work (he works afternoons) I asked him to fill out a quick online questionaire regarding OW. I told him that I would not look at the answers, just the score. He agreed. I told him to answer honestly or it would be useless. So he enters the info, hits submit, I look at the screen and his answers popped back up. There were a few that I was uncomfortable with but the biggie was that he checked yes that he was in love with her.

At that point I realized that I can no longer do this to myself. It doesn't matter how much I love him, he is in love with another woman and is not willing to give her up.

I did not yell or scream, or throw up like I wanted to. I simply said to him, you can no longer have the best of both worlds, if you choose to continue a relationships - whether it be a full blown A or just a friendship - I can not be with you. He was trying to hug me, kiss me and tell me that he was not going to quit being her friend all at the same time.

I calmly packed up his dresser and told him he was welcome to come home and be a part of this family when he was ready to commit fully to our marriage. He said he wasn't leaving, it is OUR house and he is not walking away from it. I just repeated that he was welcome to come home when he was ready to fully commit to M.

I had him take out the carseats before he left and suggested that he take any items that he will be needing with him. He left the carseats but did not take anything else. He said as he was leaving if I go now I am walking out of your life forever. I just said Good-Bye.

I am very confident that he will be calling me from work. I am not sure if I should answer the phone or not. I am not sure what to say. I think that I should tell him he can contact me through email. That way I am not saying anything impulsive. He will want to see the kids so we will have to work that out too. He said something on the way out about whether I would let him see them, or get the rest of his stuff. I said calmly of course, there is no reason to get mean with each other. We both deserve to live happy lives.

Now comes the hard part. Is he going to go running straight to her? I guess that I have to accept that as a very real possibility and start to focus on me rather than them.

Where am I going to get the strength to deal with this? I refuse to let myself cry because I am sure that once I start I will not be able to stop.

Jenn,

I am sorry it has come to this.

There are a lot of Plan B experts who can help you out. My two cents is this:

He will call. I say: don't talk to him. I think you need a formal Plan B letter that spells out what you told him verbally. If you want to post one here, you'll get lots of good feedback.

So, the die is cast. What is your plan? Where will you and the kids be tonight? What if he tries to come home anyway? Would your mom come to get you?

Jenn, I'm sorry about all this. I know it doesn't feel like it, but good for you for taking action right away. Your husband didn't think you were serious. He'll learn soon enough.

I think a handwritten letter is very important here. You need to let him know how much you love him and want your HUSBAND back. If you think you want him back, you need to spell out for him the terms of his return. Your verbal was great..but he can say he forgot or twist your words. If it's there in black and white..well...it's there in black and white.

Have you read about intermediaries here? You could set up an intermediary to deal with arranging visits with your son, finances, etc...and this way you could make it so that there's no contact with you and your wh.

And Andrew is right..not only do you need a plan for your Plan B and what might pop up..but you also need a plan for YOU. What are you going to do to change the things you need to change? How are you going to keep busy? Don't underestimate the value of a plan!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So, the die is cast. What is your plan? Where will you and the kids be tonight? What if he tries to come home anyway? Would your mom come to get you?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No I can't get my Mom to come and get me. I am sure that if I asked she would but I just feel like I need to do this on my own right now. I honestly don't know what to do if he decides to come back. He doesn't have his keys so I guess that I could just lock the doors and leave it at that. Maybe I will work on that Plan B letter and tape it to the door for him.

I think that I will go work on that now. I finally got the kids off to bed so I can focus on that now.

((((Jenn))))

I am so sorry you are going through this. I also know how difficult it is to go to Plan B. I have been going back and forth trying to decide to do it. I think you did the right thing. It seems to me that the more you let time go by the more difficult it is to "step off the cliff into the unknown". There are so many supportive people on this site. I am glad you are posting here. I know it sure gives me support just to see how caring the posters here are.

Take care of yourself and your babies and stay strong. It really seems that you are doing the right thing. You will be in my prayers.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing. It is obvious that his affair is going full-speed ahead and he is lying to you about it on a daily basis.

Keep in mind that he is NOT trying to "choose" between you and his girlfriend. Like virtually all WS, he wants both of you, and he thinks he is smart enough to keep this game going for as long as he wants to. It's worked up to now, hasn't it?

This is where Plan B is about to rock his world.

Send him the Plan B letter. You need to tell him in writing. If you post it here before you give it to him,, many experienced folks will critque it for you. (Do this today!)

You have already told him the exact correct thing: That you want Your Husband back. You will not want have other woman's boyfriend in your house. Don't budge an inch on this.

My prediction: First he will try to sweet-talk and lie and manipulate you into going on with the game. As I said, it's been working for him up to now and he thinks he's way too smart to let you figure that out.

Then, when he sees that this no longer works and you are not going to have any man in your house except *your* husband -- not OW's boyfriend -- he's liable to get REAL angry. Don't let him bully you or force you into backing down. He's going to be real mad that you won't play his game anymore. BE PREPARED FOR THIS AND DON'T BACK DOWN!

Just keep repeating that you miss your husband and want to have him come home, but you will not have another woman's boyfriend in your house or in your life. Again, and again, and again . . . just like a broken record.

Then, sit back and watch while he and his girlfriend are stuck with no one but each other and it slowly begins to dawn on him that you DO mean it this time.

Please -- do pack up the kids and go to your mother's house for Christmas. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. This is not running away from your problems -- it is taking control of a stinking situation and protecting yourself and your children from further neglect and abuse by your WH (and yes, this IS emotional abuse of the first order.)

You will be amazed at what relief Plan B will give you. Do not take his phone calls. Do not read his emails. Take control of your life and let him reap what he has sown while you enjoy Christmas with the rest of your family.

Good luck -- and Merry Christmas. You are doing the right thing.
Mulan

It is absolutely essential that you write a Plan B letter.
Post it here for review BEFORE you give it to him!