Last week his DD called with her new phone number in case I wanted to call her dad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

After posting here, I did not call him.

Today I just found a check in the mail he sent to my DD as a Christmas gift.

Now he is a very big Christmas person, and has 4 kids and 6 grandkids so I know he has got to be strapped financially right now.

I am learning to watch actions now, and hope I don't mistake for manipulation what might be a positive sign. He didn't forget about my DD which means way more to me than it probably does to her. (he can do no wrong in her eyes, still)

How can you tell the difference?

(I feel guilty posting about my sitch because I am not really in pain like so many others on here. I am actually in a pretty good place emotionally now but would like opinions if anyone has some)

Thank you,

Weaver, I am glad to hear you are in a good spot with you're emotions.

Right now I am looking at actions and taking them at face value. My WW has told me so many lies I look for her actions, they speak volumes to me. I don't know enough about anything to offer advice, but actions speak volumes and a positive action is better than the lies.

Thank you Alank.

I fear that the only reason he isn't lieing to me though is because I am not talking to him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I guess when watching actions they must be consistent and without the hope of anything in return.

I don't know when actions are sincere or a ploy. I am at a loss.

I guess I will just continue to get on with my life as planned and see what his actions are over the next few months. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Here's the thing Weaver..

It doesn't matter what HIS motives are.

What matters is that YOU have made a choice..that does not include open doors..and being tied to him..and encouraging further chaos..which is precisely what his little *gift* has accomplished.

I'd return it.. with a note to thank him, but tell him you are not comfortable receiving it at this time.

Even if he means well it will take you back to the dark place of not knowing what to do..how you feel, what you want...it puts him back in the equation..which is where he wants to be..but he isn't willing to meet the prerequisites. He still wants in on his terms.

Be kind, but firm. Thank you, but this isn't what I want from you.

Noodle

And he hasn't sent the legal doc I told him I would sign saying that I would take my name off the title of the property once he gives me back my down payment.

I would think that he would want that signed right away, because the huge tax bill must be paid in two weeks.

I guess I will just go back to getting on with it, and try not to let every little contact from him start me thinking again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Even if he means well it will take you back to the dark place of not knowing what to do..how you feel, what you want...it puts him back in the equation..which is where he wants to be..but he isn't willing to meet the prerequisites. He still wants in on his terms.


Right.

I think Noodle is right.

Weaver, tell me what you were looking for? Can you put it into words?

SS

SS -

Do you mean what I was looking for in this post?

I'm confused. Not sure what the question is.

Hi weaver,

I guess I am confused too.Why has sending money to your DD caused you to question the dad's motives(manipulation)? Did I miss something? I would be upset if he sent her absolutely nothing.Money is a runner up to actual gifts but it's for her just the same.

Is this the former BF or the biological dad to DD that sent the money? Sorry,I am all mixed up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

It's my ex fiancee O. He had a good relationship with my DD.

No, her dad is very good to her (we have 50/50 custody remember)

Ok,got it.

Yeah,then I would agree with noodle and politely return the money.He's out of your life now and there's no need for him to be sending anything to you or your DD.It's his attempt,IMO,to keep an attachment to you in perhaps a subtle(read: subterfuge) way.He'll get the hint once you put a stop to it.

Return the check

or

send it to charity

or

allow your DD to spend it

or

put it in her college fund

~~~~~~ I agree with other previous posts.

Xboyfriend is free to do whatever he wants.... your response, however, is 100% your ownership.

WHAT do you WANT?

Is this (man who sends money) WHAT you want?

or

Do you want a marriage commitment?

An honest, straight-forward non-confusing reationship?

He's sending money, nothing else.

It was a nice gesture, I assume <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Read no other meaning into sending money other than he wanted to send it for his reasons.

What is it? ---> money gift

What is it not? ---> the relationship you desire

Pep (love your struggle, by the way.... that's good!)

An honest, straight-forward non-confusing reationship?

Yes this is exactly what I want - or to be on my own. I'm at a point in my life where I will accept one or the other.

So I have slipped back into getting on with it mode as if he never sent anything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />