I KNOW this is a rude troll post.

Expert Mod,
Magnolia

<small>[ December 18, 2004, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whatdouknow:
<strong> I'm wondering how all of you smug and arogant people just KNOW what the WS is thinking or feeling or whatever? How do you know all, see all? If the WS says he or she wasnt happy before an A, what makes you SO dammed sure its 'just the fog' talking? Maybe the WS really wasn't happy before the A and REALLY DOES WANT OUT!!! Do you ever think about that? Where do you get off telling these poor BSs that if they are patient and do the right things, their WS will come around. I see it didnt work for all of you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Come on now, this is to funny, are you serious? So you must be someone who stepped out of a marriage and done the worst possible thing to your spouse, its all thier fault to probably.

The reason everyone here can say what they do is that, IT WORKS!!! and just about ALL WS's and BS's go through, say and do the exact same things as thousands of other people everyday, its PREDICTABLE! you need to get a clue before you come here and and try to address these issues, maybe if you read alot more here, youd actually see how it works, maybe even fix your M, sounds like your just a hateful person though to begin with, you may need more help than can be offered you here, sorry to hear about your situation that you put yourself in.

I agree with you. If the WS wants out of the marriage, they should let their partner know, and get a divorce. Then they are free to pursue other relationships. Makes perfect sense to me.

By the way, Welcome to Marriage Builders.

<small>[ December 18, 2004, 01:08 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

Ummm, I'll bite then I'll leave this alone to let it disappear.

I know because I was one - and I'm female <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You're wasting your time here - there are far more men with wandering wives on here.

See ya. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Smug and arrogant? Hm.... how long have you been dealing the A?

Instead of calling names like smug and arrogant, try reading Surviving an Affair, His Needs/Her Needs, Love Must be Tough or other books that help one in their M?

Or you can share your story so we can see why you think we are soooo smug and arrogant? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

While I have my opinions just based on your 1st post, I am going to keep them to myself until you have a chance to post about your situation.

BTW, welcome to MB. Sorry you are in such a fowl mood.

L.

PS: We are NOT experts, just experienced in life's tragedies and sharing our support.

<small>[ December 18, 2004, 01:08 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whatdouknow:
<strong> I'm wondering how all of you smug and arogant people just KNOW what the WS is thinking or feeling or whatever? How do you know all, see all? If the WS says he or she wasnt happy before an A, what makes you SO dammed sure its 'just the fog' talking? Maybe the WS really wasn't happy before the A and REALLY DOES WANT OUT!!! Do you ever think about that? Where do you get off telling these poor BSs that if they are patient and do the right things, their WS will come around. I see it didnt work for all of you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right, the WS probably wasn't happy or they wouldn't have stepped out.

Seems like a pretty crappy thing to do to someone you took a vow to love, honor and cherish.

So instead of getting professional help, instead of looking at their own behavior, expectations and other contributions to the unhappiness, they put the whole responsibility on the BS.

That's the problem with an Affair, not that the BS is a great person or a lousy person at meeting the WS needs, but that the WS is saying the fault lies soley with the BS, thus justifying their affair.

If you want to leave your marriage, then fine. But at least be honorable enough to be honest with your spouse.

An affair is one of the most dishonest and dishonorable things you could do to someone who you took a vow with, perhaps even before God.

Besides, if I knew what my WW was thinking or feeling, I would have been meeting those needs. Part of the reason I didn't know was because I wasn't paying attention. The other part is summed up in what my WW said to me, "I'm a private person, if you loved me, you would already know these things about me."

The bottom line is we CANNOT know another person unless they are Radically Honest with us.

So while I don't disagree with you about the WS wanting out, or maybe just wanting something they weren't getting in their marriage, an affair is a selfish way to get what you want.

TB

Having been in a Affair whatdouknow and gotten a lot of advice and my H posting and getting a lot of advice NO ONE can say ANY plan to recover a M will work.
Dont we all wish different!!

Sometimes it does & sometimes it doesn't, BUT international, national & state figures on affairs and M all point the same way, most M which suffer affairs do recover.
Thats hopeful.
MB is just ONE method of using a plan that many others have used previously & had it work for them.

No guarantees in this shop you know.

Do people use affairs as 'exit' pathways?? sure, but so much easier just to divorce right out & let the spouse go find happines elsewhere.
Adultery, betrayal is not the answer.

Yeah, I'll bite too.

Why are you trying to justify an affair? *ANY* affair? Sure, there may have been unhappiness in the marriage...oh, but I suppose your problem solving is to have an affair?!?!

Wow.

So, you've had a FWW, FBW, FWH, FBH and I'm not sure about java. All different experiences, time frames. Hmmmmm. And we're all pretty much saying the same thing.

Do what you want--it's your life (along with your spouse's, children's etc.)

Best wishes, God bless.

(Was that too arrogant and smug? Hehehe--coming from me--Now *THAT* was funny! See guys--LINY is funny!)

Hee hee, Liny IS funny. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I wasn't aware that "The Grinch" posted at MB.

Learn something new everyday huh?

BTW.....If I seem a little arogant or smug....well....that's just too darn bad for you Mr/Ms Grinch.....if you don't like what's posted here....then you shouldn't have bothered to register.

You aren't going to "save" anyone with your posts...especially with your attitude. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

BTW....I was a BS.....so I speak from my experiences only.....it just so happens that ALMOST ALL WS's act in the same way....hence being able to tell other BS's what will PROBABLY happen....no guarentees.

It's called sharing experiences and helping those in the same circumstances. DUH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I do agree though...if someone no longer wants to be in a marriage...they should get out while the gettin's good.....but BEFORE they start a relationship with someone else.

Maybe you should read a little more before you start spouting off at the mouth.

If you did...you'd see that the majority of WS's string their BS's along so they can keep the door open for their return. It's not always obvious.....but they all do it in one way or another. Wonder why that is?

Maybe because they have some sort of inclination that the A won't last....but they want to take advantage of it while it does.

I've seen it work for more than not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Yup....I'm feelin' frisky today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Miss Priss

<small>[ December 18, 2004, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>

Well, not all here are smug nor arrogant. There are many here who understand ALL TO WELL that our spouses were unhappy before the affair. And many have made a commitment to change themselves so that their wayward spouse has a good reason NOT to want out.

Also, as has been posted, soooo much is 'scripted'.

Many of us are humble because we have used that script ourselves but now know better.

Please quiet the anger in your heart long enough to hear it speak. And try not to be offended by the smugness and arrogance that you do see. In many cases it is just people trying to deal with their pain.

dewt

<small>[ December 18, 2004, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: dewt ]</small>

OMG...


I found friends here and people who gave me a better understanding of what my ww and I would be going through.

My ww can leave anytime she wants and seek the Om but in all honesty she should have done that before the A and not after.

I find that many here give and take just enough to make it work. I have never had anyone on here tell me to walk away or Divorce my ww or anything of that nature.

Instead they have helped me find what was missing in me and fix me, if the M is fixed and saved on that same road then you know what " Good for Me "

I can't stand people like you who try to make us feel bad for loving and caring for the one we vowed happiness to, I never told my wife in our vows " Oh i'll love you until you cheat or I stop filling your needs"

You want smug and arragant, then look in the mirror and see what you have left on your road to happiness. I'm guessing your FRIEND dumped you or found that the fun was over and your door home got closed.

Well welcome to Mb and We all hope you find happiness or a true recovery.

To all,

There has been a nice balance of response from Xws', BSW and BSHs alike. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> If the originator of this thread was a drive by troll, he/she may not return. Remember: Drama Queen effect.

If the originator is an angry WS/BS, etc. type and is sincere about wanting to benefit from this site but is a bit too angry to hear much right now, then he/she may be back.

My point is to wait and see what this poster's motives really are. You don't have to expend more energy on this than necessary if you already have a lot on your plate. Just know this happens as part of being a participant here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Sad but true.

Also, the poster really hasn't given info to go on other than misguided assumptions with a lot of anger..... haven't we all seen enough of that before. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have a nice day.
L.

" I'm wondering how all of you smug and arogant people just KNOW what the WS is thinking or feeling or whatever? How do you know all, see all? If the WS says he or she wasnt happy before an A, what makes you SO dammed sure its 'just the fog' talking? Maybe the WS really wasn't happy before the A and REALLY DOES WANT OUT!!! Do you ever think about that? Where do you get off telling these poor BSs that if they are patient and do the right things, their WS will come around. I see it didnt work for all of you. "


I think we can all be pretty sure of where this came from.

Isnt it funny though, THIS board is made up of BS WS FBS FWS and just people looking to make their marriage better.

If this is a OW we should welcome with open arms. Good chance s/he is a WS also.

((whatdouknow))

Welcome to MB. As a FWS FBS and OM I would like to invite you to look around. I am sure you will find this to be a happier place. See what these WONDERFUL people are doing to save their marriage, and for those who realize it cant be save, how they are recovering from divorce.

If you allow it this site can be a big help to you in recovering your relationship, or building a new one based in TOTAL honesty.

I would ask you though, unless you are committed to recovering an honest relationship, please refrain from posting until such time as you can get past your anger. Keep in mind if you are a OP you are invading someones sacred space, outbursts like you posted will only build you enemies, and this journey is so much easier surrounded by the friends you can make here.

10 bucks they dont take the offer

We missed a good chance, perhaps.

Next time a post like ths pops up, the first responder should draw the poster in and get him/her to tell us what the "real" answers are since we don't know. Inevitably in that discussion, adultery will have to be "justified". Let's see what the justification is.

WAT

Trolls are hit and run posters.They just come here to stir up trouble like they already are in some other poor woman's or man's life because they have nothing better to do with their time.We can smell them a mile away.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

No doubt O'girl.

Now that Mod Magnolia has edited her post, I'll respond here.

Still feel upset about the one that came here and caused so much upset, between members no less, that it hurt Mel's feelings.

Still ticks me off that I fell for her cr@p, and I could still just kick myself.

Yeah,

I remember her,jojo was her name I think.She's long gone,as most are when they encounter the MB patrol. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I hope Mel comes back soon.That poster was SO not worth the time of day let alone making Mel leave.I am surprised she let that person get to her.