Hi,

Well in your 1st 2 posts as 'exitingornot?' you show a lot of animosity. Care to share why?

L.

<small>[ December 19, 2004, 02:16 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

I disagree. I am trying to give an alternative opinion. Although I believe that we should not be so easy to give up on relationships and/or marriages, I also can see when the best solution is walking away. I fear that there is an imbalance of opinions here and am only offering an altrnative way of thinking. To me, it also depends on the situation and the person writing. Each story is unique, I do my best to respect the writer and their situation. It is not animosity you are reading. It is concern.

Thanks for your reply. I was beginning to wonder about you....

Now as for your concern. Did anyone ever tell you that your method is more like a Mac truck instead of a support brace? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I will ask you again.....what brings you to MB, please share.

L.

I have been on MB for quite sometime now. I have had othr user names, my computer crashed and I lost all data. Anyway that is irrelavant. I take offence to your comment. I truly care. I am truly concerned. I am not approaching anyone with a "Mac Truck", I am trying to get a message across to those I truly feel are wasting precious, valuable, God given time, pursing the wrong course of action or the wrong person for them. Who am I to know you ask? Well, my opinion is as valid as yours. And it is just that! My opinion!! This is a forum where people come to ask opinions and advice of strangers. I am offering mine out of a true concern. I am a kind and thoughtful person. I feel that with certain people or situations, one must not mince words. We have to be clear, direct and at times outrageous to make a point. Some people here are just so focused on the pain and how to put up with it, that they forget that they DON'T need to put up with it. That they SHOULD NOT put up with it.

Hey E,

Thanks again for your response. Since you have been posting under different user names for a while, then you also realize that to be concerned isn't felt until you show it. Many say they are concerned but do little to show it.

What I find interesting yet missing from your posts are your suggestions on how one can reasonably help a BS.

Sorry you took offense. It certainly wasn't sent with that design. As for the mac truck approach....well....since this is an opinion place, that's mine. You remind me of..... hm.... not sure which name to use but a few come to mind.

Sorry to hear your 'puter crashed. Not a fun thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

BTW, R U a friend or foe? Have we conversed B4? Can't imagine I would miss such a expressive posts as you have been giving as ;exitingornot?.

Just curious. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

g'nite,
L.

I show concern by taking the time to write to those people who have written something that I feel needs to be addressed. My time is valuable, but I like to offer some help and advice to those who ask. So, out of concern, I write.

As for helping, I believe that sometimes the hardest is to face the reality of our situation. By focusing on the obvious and being clear and direct, this may help those who are clearly in damaging relationships get the strength to work it out or move on, whichever the case.

As for whether we have talked...I don't know. I don't really spend hours and hours here and develop on-line relationships. I just read what is going on and reply if I feel I can offer something important to the discussion.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been on MB for quite sometime now. I have had othr user names, my computer crashed and I lost all data. Anyway that is irrelavant. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">exitingornot? - Not wanting to "mince words," it is NOT "irrelevant."

The very least that you owe the others on the system to demonstrate your "concern," and your honesty, is to post ALL of the other user names that you have used so that we can connect current postings to your other "personas."

Your having an "opinion" is valid, but that does not make your opinion itself valid.

So, let's get back to just what other user names you've been using, or hiding behind, in the past before we form an "opinion" that you are a self-indulgent user of the system and someone who's opinions hold little, if any, validity.

If you don't want to be "dismissed" as irrelevant, it's time for you to be honest with everyone about yourself and all your past "personalities." Short of that, engaging in coversation with you would be both a waste of time and an exercise in futility.

exitingornot,

Since you say you have been away for a while, I thought I'd let you know that recently there has been "visitors from elsewhere" and the typical problems that go along with that.

I hope you don't take offense to Orchid's direct questions and that you answer the questions she has asked in a manner that is as direct and considerate as she has asked them.

To save you the trouble of reading the previous posts, I have cut and pasted Orchid's questions (you're welcome <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) Orchid--did I find them all?

1. I will ask you again.....what brings you to MB, please share.

2. BTW, R U a friend or foe?

3. Have we conversed B4?
Your answer to #3 -- As for whether we have talked...I don't know. (If you list your previous user names, Orchid will be able to answer this one herself.)

I have a few questions, if you don't mind....

1) are/were you a WS or a BS?

2) did you (or your spouse) implement and maintain NC?

3) did you (and/or your spouse) try the MB approach to recovering yourself(ves) and recovering/rebuilding your marriage?

Thanks exitingornot

exitingornot?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am trying to give an alternative opinion. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, your first few posts certainly offer an "alternative" to marriage building. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Just wondering, did your wife know about your destructive on-line habits before she married you? If not, this may give way for her to annul this marriage.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> YES!!!!!!! Youth gal you need to goooooooooo!!!!
Please, leave him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Gosh, this is so sad. You do not have a marriage, nor a husband. You have nothing but pain. Seek legal counsel and get eveything you can out of him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well after reading everything it is all quite clear...YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER MAN!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The clear cut alternative to working on your marriage is of course, to walk away. This site however, is for those that choose to make an honest effort to *rebuild* a damaged marriage.

I don't find your opinions to be invalid. No persons opinion should ever be considered invalid. An opinion is formed by a persons POV and it is either helpful or it is not. That is decided by the person(s) to whom you offer your opinion to.

I'm sure that you realize however, that your opinion (so far) is quite contradictory to the objective of this website.

This posters choice of phrases, words, consistence suggestions to bail on all marriages, reminds me a lot of Hazlet.

FH, LB, BA & BIJ,

Thanks for your insight. LB, you raise some thought provoking questions that any caring person s/b willing to answer. If hidden agenda are meant to mislead, that will bear out in time. There is a noticeable pattern to E's posts. I will not elborate at this time but maybe others will see it also. I too am interested in E's former user names.

What I find interesting is that the poster says he/she doesn't know if we have corresponded/chatted in the past. There was 1 person who has said that before because that person knew we had but didn't want to reveal themselves. Maybe that is the same ploy again, I am not sure. Oh well, time will tell, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

E, if you choose to be up front with us, that w/b good and all that RH stuff, right? If you choose not to, well that is your choice. Ok?

L.

In the spirit of cooperation, I thought it only fair to answer to the questions I asked exitingornot.

1) are/were you a WS or a BS?
I was a BS.

2) did you (or your spouse) implement and maintain NC?
WS maintained NC after a couple lapses early on.

3) did you (and/or your spouse) try the MB approach to recovering yourself(ves) and recovering/rebuilding your marriage?
I did, he didn't.

And, in both the spirit of cooperation and for the heck of it, I'll answer your questions too Orchid <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

1. I will ask you again.....what brings you to MB, please share.
I came here to save my marriage. I discovered that I didn't want to save it, I wanted to rebuild it. Now I come here to recover and rebuild myself.

2. BTW, R U a friend or foe?
I'm definitely not a foe, I'd like to consider myself a friend but friendly acquaintance is really more accurate.

3. Have we conversed B4?
Occassionally. But our communications are usually on and about other people's threads and not so much with each other.

Take care

LB,

Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to this thread. You have shown by example that these questions can be safely answered by all who come here with the right motive.

We can't control everyone or anyone for that matter but it is possible to work together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your response is greatly appreciated.

Mahalo,
L.