Hello. I was told about this site by a friend. And I must apologize in advance if the question I'm about to ask has been addressed previously.

I have a problem. I look at porn on the Internet. And it is destroying my marriage. Or so my wife says. I tend to blame our problems on her strict religious beliefs. However, I do know I spend more time on the Internet than is probably healthy. We have tried going to a marriage counselor, but I didn't do too well. We read "His Needs, Her Needs" a few years ago when we were having problems, but that is the only MB book I am currently familiar with. Other than counselling, are there other resources I can try to curtail my habit?

I don't know if anyone else has experience with this, from either side, but I'm willing to listen.

Thanks in advance,
Richard

Internet porn is addictive. My husband was always big on internet porn.....I had a huge problem with it at first, but I know men are visually stimulated, so I got used to it.

I understand your wife's problem with it, and you should take her feelings into consideration if you love her.

Which is more important to you, seeing naked chicks on the computer, or making your wife happy?

You need to step away from the computer, and back into your marriage, get one of those programs that blocks those sort of sites for children, so you won't be tempted.

-Caren
--------------------
BW - Me 36
WH - 35
D-Day: Sometime in August 04
1 DD together (2 DD's of my own)
I Moved Out: September 9, 04
Intermittantly Plan A-ing and Flipping Out
Daily contact with WH
Plan B Coming After Holidays

Richard,

Welcome to MB. Glad you are taking the time to read Hn/Hn and come here.

One of my reasons for posting (other than to welcome U to MB - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ), is because that is exactly how my H got started on his A. Viewing porn....he got hooked, it became a bad habit and more than 5 very rocky years later, we are working on recovery.

You are at the beginning stages of this journey. Don't let it take as long as we did. My H went out there did a few call girl stuff, hooked up with at least 2 internet GFs and ended up with the last one whose presence lasted 3 years and she now retains the title of PBR (psycho babble rabbit).

This has left many scars and triggers in our lives. Even down to this day. Last communication with PBR was in court. She pulled a false charge stunt and filed a false RO. Which the judge gladly gave not because he believed her story (he alluded that he didn't) but because he said that both parties (Ws and OW) did not belong together. Let's see, this judge figured that out in less than 10 minutes of reading the report and testimony time. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

As for your wife's 'strict religious beliefs', while I don't know what they are, I can tell you I have strict principled Biblical beliefs which is the reason why my H is no longer a part of my religion. He told our elders that he was not sorry (@ d/d+1) and so he gave them no choice but to put him out of our religion. H now regrets that choice and just like he is now proving to me by regaining my trust in him, he has to show his repentance and work his way back into an acceptable state. Not my rules, those are clearly outlined in the Bible....adultery starts in the heart.

Hope this helps. Sure would hate for your W and yourself to learn it the hard way like we did.

All the best,
L.

Richard,

I also recommend phone counseling w/ Steve Harley at MB for either you or both you and your W. He is very very good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Taking the Emotional Needs questionnaire located in the concepts section w/b worthwhile and it is free. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Thank you, ladies. Is there a guide to the abbreviations? I am able to deduce most of them (I think), but have trouble with some.

Are there any men (or women) who have been through this that would share their thoughts?

Hi Richard,

Welcome.

If you browse over on the JFO(Just Found Out) message board here,you will find a list of acronyms.

Also,there are other's here who have had some porn issues within their marriage so be a bit patient and hopefully you will get more responses.

My WH started to view porn after his A started.It may very well have started long before that since we used to have "arguments" about Playboy and how we felt differently about those types of magazines.But,I was apalled and hurt by that behavior and he tried to tell me I was crazy or that I didn't understand computers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .He also left some information on our computer a few times that my older daughter could have easily logged onto by mistake so I was furious.I am glad that he is no longer here subjecting me and my daughters to that.

But,like any other destructive habit that can affect your relationship and family,you have to ask yourself what is most important.If it is your marriage and family,then do whatever it takes to keep it sacred,safe and loving or you risk losing it.

Stick around,I am sure there will be other's along soon.

O

Hi Richard
Welcome to MB, there was a time when it didn't bother me that my Husband looked at porn or watched it. I then changed my thinking when things got bad in our marriage. I too agree with what the Bible says. Adultery begins in the heart, mind, or even eyes. What is more important looking at the pics or hurting your wife? This is something you both need to discuss.

It's kinda like drugs you may start out with pot then move to cocaine then to heroin but by then you are so addicted you are in over your head. Same thing with porn.

Maybe ask yourself why do you need to look at another woman's naked body?