Hey all,
As with some others on this board. I have questions about Christmas and Birthday gifts for WW. I have bought some things that i am now wondering if i should have. I found out that she had been buying me gifts and i am like why??
Someone at work told me because of guilt. I told that person that i had bought her some gifts and they said why?....starting to wonder that myself.
WW is still i think stringing me along, still saying the ILY's and showing some affection to me. Baking cookies and buying gifts for me. Of course the ILY's are mostly on her term. I say it sometimes to her and sometimes get a response and other's i get dead air.
As far as i know she is still planning on spending Christmas with OM and his family in her apt. while the rest of her real family bug out of town for holiday. She hasn't told me any different. She seemed to be paying a little more attention to me this week....kind of thinking OM is out to sea for a week so i am a convience. I am trying to not get to wrapped up into all this and tell myself it is just temporary until Om is in the picture again it is hard though.
Need your thoughts. Before i leave for the Holidays this week i thought i would leave her a little something to think about. Thought i would have that one last relationship talk prior to going and basically make her aware that i am going to take this time to really think where i am going with all this and if is truly worth it to me to wait around for her indecisiveness. Don't know what she will take it as, but it will show her that i am starting to have some doubts with us.....which in all honesty i am somedays.
If things don't change with her and what she needs to do for us. I am probably going to go to plan b in Jan. i am tired of being strung along as she sits not having to make a decision because she is getting the best of both worlds.
Does anyone think she will actually think about this or that she will be too involved with OM and his family that her real family will not enter her mind much. There will be no one here that is her real family for Christmas. I would think this would get to anyone with a the least bit of love in their heart.
Too late to take presents i bought for her back, but i can always address them as from the Kids and I , not just I, so it won't seem to personal.
Was still planning on sending her a arrangement of some sort to her ofc. on her birthday. This is probably inappropriate to but i do want to recognize her BDay as she did with mine 2 mo ago.
Any thoughts appreciated.
Jets

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jets:
<strong> Thought i would have that one last relationship talk prior to going and basically make her aware that i am going to take this time to really think where i am going with all this and if is truly worth it to me to wait around for her indecisiveness. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">**********sigh*********:

Jets:

My AFC east foe, you are living the textbook definition of insanity. It must be absolutely awful. Re-read all of your old posts. they tell a story. No advice or 2' X 4' here, they are not likely to connect and impact you. Best wishes to you and your kids through the holiday season.

LM

It depends on which plan you are in...are you in Plan A? Showing her the best you can be, the person she COULD return to? Or are you in Plan B? Protecting your love, and yourself from any more hurt?

Your right Lemmonman, i guess i must be a textbook case for insanity or punishment or whatever.
Still and lemmon- I don't know where i am at or where i am going. I think sometimes i am in planA and at others should be in plan B, haven't send a letter but have it written. It just i guess like others here say, it scares the bejesus out of me. I guess because it will possibly push the sit.to a sit. i don't want and that would be losing her permanently in that aspect.
I am just all mess up. Too many people giving advise and suggestions and me just not implementing them all the way.
I don't know maybe i will figure it out one day...i hope.
Thanks for the holiday wishes.
jets
Maybe we can win the Wildcard and go from there.

Hey Jets been a while since I seen you on the boards. Well I'm sorry to hear that your sitch hasn't improved. IMO, and that's all it is.

1. Your WW has moved out.
2. You've been plan Aing since June.
3. Plan A doesn't seem to be working very well.

I'm thinking that Plan B would be in order, of course your the only one that can judge that. As you already know Plan B is for yourself at this point. Sure it could reinforce the A, or it could break it completely. What have you got to loose at this point? I've come to the realization that I have to start making decisions because I won't allow my WW to hurt me and cake eat forever.

Just my 2 cents, Native

Yep, there is quite a bit of advice on here. Every person's situation is different.

You sound like you are floundering, letting your emotions control your behavior, don't have a clear plan. Not a good place to be. You will feel overwhelmed and out of control.

Time to come up with a plan. The Harley's have laid out a plan that works for most, and other's, it doesn't.

It depends on what YOU want.

Do you want to save your M?

Are you willing to work towards that?

Some things you can do...
See an IC or counsel with one of the Harley's.

Read books on M and Infidelity, "Surviving an Affair", "Torn Asunder", etc...


Once you have a plan you can take back control of your life and rely on your plan when your emotions tell you to do something else (and often mistakes).

I suggest Plan A, but if it is not for you, then find your own plan based on YOUR goals...