hello all
me and ww had a r talk last night. my attorney had called and asked some ?s about our sit. he was getting some things together for me. my ww is dead set on getting a d. i called her to ask her some ?s he asked me. my ww moved to a diff county and the d would go in front of a diff judge, after she gets residency in that county, 60 days. this judge would not be to my benefit, for custody of kids. she has been there 30 days. so i need to file here w/in 30 days, so my attn is getting everything ready. any way we got to talking, and i asked if she is sure this is what she wants, she said yes, BUT she wants us to start from scratch with a clean slate. i told her i really dont think that would be a good idea. w/ the pain and everything going thru a d would cause. i told her very calmy and nonchalantly that i really love her and would like to try and work thru this. her response was

"how can you love me when you said you hated me"

i said this the day i came home to a u-haul and an empty house and also after i found proof of p/a. both times i was an emotional wreck...
she still denies the p/a.

we have been getting along great. she says im out to get her. because i want custody of kids.
i honestly think im best for them...

i also asked if she was still involved w om. she said no she hasnt spoke with him since i exposed to his bw.

what do i make of this, fog, maybe or just plain denial.....

bump

dalson,

My marraige counsellor told us that there is a fine line between love and hate. You can't hate someone if you don't have love for them. The point being that if you didn't love your WW then what she is doing to you wouldn't hurt you and cause you to lash out in anger and say you hate her.

Make sense?

MIF?

that makes perfect sense, but how do i convey that back to her, or do i.

i read on a post here somewhere the opposite of love is not hate its indifference.

my main concern is do i go ahead and file to protect myself or do i take a chance and wait?

either way i will continue on with plan a

If you are positive she is going to file for D and it would best suit you to file first in the county you live in, you may want to do so. I don't know your whole situation though.

Would it be that much worse for you in this other county where your WW moved to?

MIF?

i am not sure if she will file or not but she seems adament RIGHT NOW, if i could just see the future and see if the fog lifts i would wait.

as for the judge here, oh yes, he is a fair judge, the BEST parent gets custody, male or female.

tw ww
1st thing out of her mouth was have i filed yet?
guess this is what she wants, went ahead and calld atty, he said petition is ready, i said go ahead and file. will be filed 1st thing in the am.

ill be so glad one way or another when this crap is over.
i love roller coasters but not this one.

im so sick of crying.
im sick of all these f!%$#^g emotions

Dalson, I am truly sorry for all of your pain your wife sounds like she isn't really sure what she wants and that put you in areally difficult situation. I think that it really does not matter wheither you are a man or a woman when it comes to children the only thing that matters is what is best for them. Keep your head up and I hope things get better.

thanks
i just need to vent.
i wish this fog would lift, and she would see how stupid some of the [censored] she has pulled in the last 5 mos.

Dalson I am praying for the same thing I will put you on my list as well. As far as the venting anytime that is what we are here for right.

i wish there was a cheaters prison. you have an a YOU get 5 mos in cheaters he11 not the bs. we are all prisoners of our own he11.

real fair

im off guys
have a good evening
im gonna go to my empty house and drink a few beers

thanks all
b back tommorow

Dalson,

Good evening means you are able to not drown your sorrows.

So get back and post when you can, ok?

L.

im back last night was not a good night, was pretty depressing thinking about the pending d.

orchid i didnt drown, just had a couple beers,cleaned the house a little. i get my kids tonight. i should have had them from thursday.
my ww had to work out of town last weekend which was hers and asked me to if i could keep them then . and i realized she would only have the kids 3 days and then i would get them back for 10 days for x-mas so i offered to just switch with her because i also have them from next thursday thru monday morning. then sunday when i asked what time she wanted me to pick them up , she started crying and said " i dont get them any this week, so i said ill pick them up from daycare tuesday. also i dont have to have them back until monday morning after x-mas, which she again started crying and again i gave in and said she could have them x-mas day afternoon.

here is the ironic part in almost the same breath she asked me why im out to get her, and why am i so vengeful toward her.

also my cousin came by last night and he had been at some friends house that we go to church with and my and my ww name came up, they asked if we were getting a d, THEY HAD HEARD I WAS BEATING HER!!!!!

SHE HAS LOST HER MIND

tw wife asked her about the abuse thing and she said she has never told anyone that.
i emailed all our friends from church and sure enough a friend e-mailed me back and said she showed them a nickle sized bruise on her tricep.
where i had grabbed her arm when she came home drunk after being with om till 2 am. and hadnt seen her kids in 8 days (they were at grandmas)
and had just gotten home. i kept them up till 11 so they could see mom. we got into an arguement about where she was, "Working" was the explanation i got. she got mad turned it around to be my fault and was trying to leave, i grabbed her arm and begged her to stay. that is how she got the bruise. she also bruises very easy.
she also told them i threw her across the room.

Dalson,

If you want your W back, it is important that you NOT enable the WS. If she is the WS (one who lies and twists the truth), then giving into her vague requests (by volunteering for her to be with the children, etc.) while it may sound like a noble gesture will not be so with a WS.

Remember she put herself out there. If she loses time with her children that is HER choice.

The more concessions you make and over a longer period of time, the more she has reason to stay as a WS. She will switch on her 'woe is me' mode when she wants something from you and then put on Cruella DeVille's face when she turns around. Kinda like that character on Batman (can't remember the name), you know the one w/2 faces? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The evil side of the WS will accuse you and even the children of all sorts of things to pursue her A. It is an evil sickness that is NOT helped by enabling. No matter how much that makes sense.

As for heading to a D, that is a result of her choices. In order to protect your familly, that maybe what needs to happen. At the very least know your options and so that you won't be taken for a ride. That roller coaster is a doozy.

L.

i actually think that there has been nc with om but who knows if she hasnt found another.

say i keep the kids through the whole x-mas. that would devastate her and make her think im doing it just for spite. which would be kinda true. right? also wouldnt it be a major lb

You already put your foot in your mouth on the xmas dates. Keep your word. Just learn NOT to enable as such. This one could have been a real lesson learner to her but you well..... you gave in because maybe you thought the mother side of her would see your good gesture? It was a nice gesture but don't expect her to fully appreciate it. She may in time but not until she twists your heart some more..... you need to decide how many more times you will allow her to misrepresent you.

What did you say to these friends and family about her exaggerated story? It is critical you get the truth out. My H's younger sister (who had an A) tried t/d the same to BIL. Even after she threw a chair at him and almost broke his arm (he had to go to the hospital for that one), she filed domestic abuse charges and both he and the children had to go to counseling because of her false charges.

L.

that is such crap

well i am not speaking to her family. her mother was at the start my confidaunt but she turned on me and now blames me for everything. she is going through a divorce at this moment. she has no willingness to accept any responsibility or let her precious daughters accept any responsibility for any actions. my w's sister has been through 3 long term r's and when they end its always the mans fault. likewise in her m, my FIL told me on a fishing trip a couple yrs back that it had been over 6 yrs since they had sex, and she wonders why he is a jerk.

as for my friends i have exposed her a in defense of her abuise allegations

Dalson,

I am sorry you have in-laws who can't see straight. Regardless of their conduct you have more in your corner than you realize. So survival is your option.

Time has a way of bringing the truth to light. Secure your finances and sitch with your family and take care when dealing with your WS. Remember it is the WS that w/d damage to your family. Don't make any postive assumptions on the WS part.

Be cautious.

Redefine your support group. Identify your boundaries. Be patient.

NOTE: When dealing with crap, always wear sanitary gloves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Oh yea and a leak proof bag to put it in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.