Well, some of you may know that I disappeared a few weeks ago read here but I'm back baby! I felt at the time that since my WW didn't like my posting here that I would try and not to do so. How selfish of her. I mean, I don't like her talking to OM about our problems but OM knows everything. She didn't stop contacting him so why should I give up my support? I am content and moving on with my life. This past weekend allowed me to see what life without my WW will be like. I kinda liked it. I will survive this mess and ultimatlely come out of it a better person so my next long term relationship will last since I will use this first, failed marriage as a learning experience. The sad thing is that I was willing to learn and have my WW benefit from this experience and keep our family together. Now, that ain't gonna happen.

Well, this past weekend I went out for the first time since my whole saga began. I realized that there are a lot of other woman out there and there was no sense in stressing out over this one that is causing me sooooo much pain and grief. It didn't help that I flirted with our absolutely gorgeous waitress a little. Well, okay I flirted A LOT, well I was about as subtle as a bull in a china shop <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I didn't get her number or set up a date, but the idea that there is someone else out there who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated hit home. Although I definitly do plan on looking her up this week when I get back into the area for the holidays. I have vacation time coming up after Christmas so I should be able to find time to hook up with her.

MIF?

Impressive attitude! I feel that way about 70% of the time but the other 30% I'm feeling like I may lose my mind... but regardless I am moving out of my house, away from my crazy WH (still seeing OW), closer to work and friends. Ready to start my new life but still completely freaked out by it all!!

One day at a time, right??

I read your old posts...I assume you filed the divorce papers, cause otherwise you wouldn't be making dates when you are still married, right?

Yep, my WW filed for a separation order that should be coming down the pike real soon. I am looking forward to getting out of this stress box. I will miss my children imensley. I too will be closer to work and friends. As Dierks Bentley says...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
It's strange to hear your voice,
I did not expect for you to call.
You wonder how I'm doin',
How I'm holdin up since you did me wrong.

Well, how am I doin' since you did what you done to me?
I can't lie, I sometimes cry when I think of how it used to be.
I keep my friends with me, I stay busy and I don't get much sleep.
Baby, that's how I'm doin since you did what you d-d-done to me.

Well, now wait one minute, I failed to mention,
Those tears I cried, are tears of joy.
Because it was no fun there under your thumb,
And now that we're done,
I'm gettin' right every night,
With every single ever-lovin' girl in sight,

So how am I doin' since you did what you done to me?
I can't lie, I sometimes cry when I think of how it used to be.
I keep my friends with me, I stay busy and I don't get much sleep.
Baby, that's how I'm doin since you did what you d-d-done to me.

All right!

Instrumental break.

Well, when all my friends heard what,
A you-know-what you were they took me out on the town.
But then, I heard our song and I danced along
But it felt all wrong cause',
She was sweet, she let me lead.
She never took her ever-lovin' eyes off me.

So how am I doin' since you did what you done to me?
I can't lie, I sometimes cry when I think of how it used to be.
I keep my friends with me, I stay busy and I don't get much sleep.
Baby, that's how I'm doin since you did what you d-d-done to me.

Well I don't know what you were thinkin',
Runnin' round on me.
Now you say you're sorry,
Well, honey, I agree.

So how are you doin' since you did what you done to me?
Girl don't lie, you know you cry 'cause you know how good it used to be.
Yeah, tell me does the thought of losin' my true love make it hard to sleep?
Baby, how are you doin' since you did what you d-d-done to me?

Yeah, how are you doin',
Now that you know,
How I'm doin' since you did,
What you d-d-done to me?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MIF?

Right, I filed for divorce back on 12-2-04. WW was served on 12-11-04. Even though I filed I was still willing to work on getting our M back on track, but WW just wasn't willing to do that. She would tell me that she wanted to save our M, and knew she would have to get rid of OM, but wouldn't get rid of OM.


MIF?

<small>[ December 20, 2004, 12:56 PM: Message edited by: marriage isn't forever? ]</small>

Sorry MIF? but a legal seperation is not the same as filed for divorce. I am happy for you and you new found perspective on life, as well as having the strength to let go and move on. however be careful that you do not go out and have a rebound relationship, it could add to your pain and suffering- that you do not need. Keep your head up thought, I like your attitiude!!!

Mif....don't confuse "power" and "testosterone". Real power isn't about hormones or external reinforcement. It's about integrity and internal strength.

Welcome baaaack...... glad you are not under the weather anymore (fog bound??? ) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No more flirting until the 'fat lady sings....' ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I recall having one of those aaahhh haaaa moments also. It is envigorating but don't let it get out of control. Still be a good BS and when you get those walking papers.....then make sure your next choices aren't just left overs, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Implement your boundaries..... read Hn/Hn.

L.

<small>[ December 20, 2004, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Star,
I just finally feel like I am doing the right thing. All this time I was afraid I would have regrets for the rest of my life wondering if there was more I could do. There probably is, but right now I am satisfied that I did everything I could. I mean I told the WW what I wanted, how I felt, been reading books, going to counselling, trying to make the necessary changes in ME, but she did not want to give me credit, nor give up OM. I feel right now that I won't regret this.

I saw a glimpse of what my life will be without WW in it all the time and I kind of liked it.

KMEJ, I don't have any intentions of getting involved on a serious level with anyone. There is nothing wrong with going out and sewing some wild oats, between consenting adults anyway, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
MIF?

Okay MIF? sounds good. Looks like you are running on adrenialine and hormones- welcome back to HighSchool- Best 4 years of my life!! Enjoy being hit on- just remember that the high does wear off, so look more then skin deep!! That is all the WS is looking at, and look how many lives they distroyed. Not trying to rain on your parade, just don't want you walking around with your eyes closed and half cocked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yes, I have come out of the BS fog and can see the light. I have read HN/HN and will put the knowledge to use in my next relationship. I will be a good BS. I feel like my WW and I might get along a little better now too. With all the tension of hoping my WW would come around when I would find her contacting OM, it hurt. Although it will still hurt, I don't think it will hurt as much. The thought of MY wife with another man, any other man still kills me, but what can I do? She made her choice, and it wasn't me. I want to be first on her list, not if it doesn't work out with OM.

MIF?

Ahh yes, high school. Those were good times. Although they didn't seem like it at the time. Looking back though, they were good times.

MIF?

I admire your strenght, I still have the nightmares of vividly watching H and OW being intimate. I wake up in a panic, trembling, and ANGRY- I look over and see H snoreing snuggling with a pillow and it relaxes me, but I am still hurt. I know I should forgive and forget, but that kind of rejection and betrayal is hard to get over from someone who is suppose to protect you.

I hear you with the whole getting back on the playing field and the rush it gives you. i was not on the playing field as I was still in love with my H, but during the seperation I would go out with friends, and boy did I get hit on, and yeah it felt great!!! Way better then listening to H tell me how great the OP was, and how i just do not make the grade. It had been YEARS since any man had told me I looked nice, and now I was hearing it all the time, maybe because I was deaf to anyone other then H.

Enjoy yourself. Start living for yourself. Live a little for me too please, and feel free to send some strength my way!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> YOu know if your girls get to be too much feel free to send them my way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> i have 3 boys and would love a girl. If only I had a better marriage I would try again. Loved being pregnant, love my boys, just want a princess too!!!

Yeah Highschool I was not thrilled with when in it, but would LOVE to go back- at least for the friends and the guys, and the freedom, and no responsibilities!

It's funny you say you would love a princess. That's exactly what I have. 3 little princesses. They are ALL girl. I love 'em to death. The joy of my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If I have some extra strength I will surely send it your way. I was weak for three months but now feel my strength coming back.

MIF?

Yeah I had read your signature line and saw you had three girls. That is what my H wanted more then anything.... a girl. When our third son was born and he saw it was a boy he said: "Its a .....another boy." Now imagine that- it started as pure excitedment to disappointment in the same breath. he sang "give me a girl. I need a girl" on the way to the hospital. Michael was born not breathing. H has not said a word since, and he and Michael are the best of buds. It is cure actually.

You keep your strength you will need it, I will build my own!!

Well, as you could probably imagine, I was really hoping for a boy on our last one, but I wouldn't trade in my little "boo" for the world. She is such a sweetie (most of the time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) She is in her terrible two's.

MIF?

Our oldest is almost 8 (in two weeks ugh!) and our middle (who is as stubborn as his dad) is 4, and our baby will be two on January 15th. That little one is more stubborn then his dad (H says we are in BIG trouble with that little man, I tend to agree). Thing is however is he also knows how to pour on the charm. The younger two just bat thier eyelashes and they are out of trouble- the oldest whines and it rides my last nerve. i tell him that talking normal and explaining his reasons would work better- he does not get it however. oh well- might just be the age.

MIF,

Glad to hear your getting some strength back. It feels good doesn't it. I still have some down times but in general life on the other side is good. Keep strong!

Miker

Thanks Miker,

I am going on 3 days in a row of feeling good about my decision. Up until sat. I would have fleeting moments. Like a minute or two of feeling good, most of my time before was spent feeling sorry for myself and wondering what my WW was going to decide. Me or him.

I am sure I will have more moments where I feel down and wonder if I made the right choice, but I think the tide has turned and those thoughts will be fleeting.

MIF?