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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139 |
I was cleaning out a drawer and found some letters I wrote my husband 4 yrs ago. After reading them it really has made me sad that we are still going through the same problems. I am thankful that the last 3 months we have been in MC and making progress.
I think the biggest reason things changed is he decided to finally open up to me and tell me what happened to him when he was younger and being totally honest with me about the last 5 yrs. How do you move past the lies? My Counselor told me that it's a decision to trust someone. I laughed and said I did trust him at first but he broke that trust and has to earn it back. She really didn't say much after that.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 485
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 485 |
AmI,
I don't know if I could ever forget triggers, like a song that I heard at the club on Dday, or clubs in general. There are just some things that are "burned" into my brain. I've been told by my IC that you cannot forget, but that the pain will not be there after you have healed. I haven't experienced healing and a recovery though so maybe somebody more experienced could answer this question b/c I'm very curious also.
Native
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 68
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 68 |
Triggers will always be there because when you are with someone long enough they know exactly how to flip every trigger you have. The best way for me to deal with them is to not entertain them and leave. I know it sounds harsh but staying only adds to the fire. I wish you well and hope that you can find a peaceful resolution. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 3,525 |
Scotch, and plenty of it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Seriously though..they don't go away..but they do get progressively less intense. They elicit less and less of a reaction from you IF you are recoverring in one way or another. If your triggers are the result of a continuing situation then they will probably remain intense until you act and bring forth resolve.
I handle them by acknowledging and then dismissing them.
Noodle
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,454 |
I think the emotional reaction to triggers is a good sign of where you are in recovery - personal or marital.
Triggers fade with time and trust. My triggers started to go after quite some time of experiencing consistent trustworthy actions from my husband, AND also after becoming comfortable with the idea that I could trust myself - my own instincts, thoughts, reactions and above all, my own capability to cope with my own life.
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