My WH did the roses thing too. I took the flowers and the card down to OW's house and gave them to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

k,
SAVE YOURSELF! Plan B!

lol, ark; my first reaction while reading that manipulative e-mail was:

blah blah blahhhhh...blah blah blah........ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

good one, believer.
k, how 'bout taking the roses AND a copy of the e-mail down to OW's house?

and, if he left any dirty laundry, take that too!
PM

K ~ I am not trying to be mean or cruel here but please please please...if you are going to do plan B then do it...that means NO CONTACT with your H except through another so designated person. He is continuing to do these things because he does not believe your plan B letter based on past performance and as long as you continue to receive his emails, gifts etc he will think you are a softy and he can woo you into submission. And in the past he has...

You are letting yourself down if you do not stand firm in this and do it right. Why should he believe you when it seems all he has to do is wave a white flag and you say 'okay come on home'.
He is pulling out all his well oiled tricks to use on you...just like my Lab...if he thinks he is going to get a treat he can put on a performance like you wouldn't believe and be the best behaved pup in the world...that is your H right now. He is using what he knows worked in the past...and do you blame him...you enabled this behavior and it is up to you to put a stop to it.

If you are not going to do plan B then don't, stop threatening him with it because right now he doesn't believe you, but find another path that allows you to act upon his antics in a logical, not emotional, way...and most of all don't let him back in the house based on current performances...he is a player and is playing you for all its worth at this point.

As has been said here before...don't expect to keep doing the same things over and over and get different results...as you have seen that doesn't work. Time to take control...and show that you mean it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> ....HE JUST SENT ME A DOZEN RED ROSES WITH A CARD "HERE'S A START....LOVE, WH"...

I'd rather have the truth.

K </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHAT!?!?!?! Start what? ....and I'll bet he thinks he is scoring some points?

What would you write on that card to finish that sentence: Here's a start.....

Orchid's suggestion: "...... at making another trigger.... I used to like roses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Maybe you can do better than....."

L.

So K why didn't you tell the florist they were undeliverable and send the flowers back?

"Here's a start at talking out of both sides of my mouth"
?????????
PM

I just now realized something k......

I got flowers.....
after it was over, after NC had been maintained for many months. At the time, I was talking about separation (Plan B) because he was not following through on anything recovery related.

I got flowers. He also said "it's a start".

I enjoyed those flowers, k. I almost cried when he walked in with them. It WAS a big deal to me, a VERY big deal.

I put them in a place of prominence. I was so happy, k. I had visions of us sitting together, having coffee, reading a little of the MB stuff together, getting started on what we needed to do to rebuild our marriage while sitting on the sofa by the coffee table that had the flowers on it.

I brought it up right away. He said we can do that tomorrow, just enjoy the flowers tonight. I did enjoy the flowers, we sat together on the sofa and watched tv. It was nice. I was so happy that he had "started" and that we would finally begin the recovery process.

The next day I was put off again. And again. And again. When the life of the flowers was ending, I half jokingly/half kiddingly said that we didn't have much time left for the flowers to be a "start". I was put off again.

When the flowers went to the garbage (long after they had died), I was feeling deflated. I said something about that to him, and he responded something about me having to make the flowers into a bad thing, I couldn't just accept anything good, no effort was good enough etc, etc, etc. You know what I mean, k, I'm sure you know what I mean.

I still remembered the flowers fondly. It was the last time he actually DID something of his own accord to show me that he wanted to join in with recovery efforts.

I rememberED the flowers fondly--------

--------Until I read the last few posts of this thread.

I realize now that it wasn't anything other than him not wanting to have to move out. I realize now that his words meant just as much at that time as they have meant since then. I can't believe I was such a fool. Two of my kids had told me that they were happy to see me enjoying the flowers--but not to place too much stock in the "it's a start, whatever that means".

I'm sad about the flowers now. After all this time, I'm sad about those d*mn flowers. The last "real" gesture he made wasn't real at all.

Now I know what those flowers were for. k, you know what yours are for too. You have the opportunity to not be fooled about those d*mn flowers like I have been for a looooooong time. You have the opportunity to not be the fool that I was. Grasp this opportunity k, please grasp it. I'll cry with you about your flowers and mine. I have a head start with the tears.

Btw, k, I'll tell you the rest of the story sometime. It starts out like this.....

I made Plan B plans, it was time to implement it. He talked me into giving him x more time because he really meant it this time, he didn't realize that recovery efforts were mandatory not optional. I gave him the extra time even though I didn't expect that he would do anything---I hoped, but I didn't expect. And he didn't do anything. And I was counting down the last few weeks of the time I agreed to. I was soooo looking forward to Plan B. I never got there, k. He was diagnosed with a lifethreatening illness and he asked me to stay throughout treatment. I agreed. It was supposed to be approximately 6-9 months. It's been THREE YEARS this month.

So that's the start of the story, k. One day I might pick up this story from the point of diagnosis and tell the rest. It's not a good story, k. It's not a good story at all.

Thanks for letting me borrow your thread k. Now, what do you want to do about your flowers?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by victoria farrar:
<strong> So K why didn't you tell the florist they were undeliverable and send the flowers back? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">....because she is going to trim and put them in a vase like Morticia Adams?

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong> WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS?

K </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And so it begins.........anyone with half of a brain could have predicted this type of email from him, that is not the question......the question...WHAT WILL YOU DO ?

The decisions you make now will go a long way in your own recpaturing of your self respect. Talk is tough, actions (or lack therof in this case are tougher).

Goodluck with all of this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

lemonman,

I think this is cruel:
"anyone with half of a brain could have predicted this type of email from him"

k has more than half a brain, as do I. In fact, my brain has a high IQ. The problem is not with how much brain we have, it's with how much heart we have.

And your cruel statement hurt me.

I agree with your message. I disagree with your delivering it via knife into an already infected oozing gash.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LovingBoundaries:
<strong> lemonman,

I think this is cruel:
"anyone with half of a brain could have predicted this type of email from him"

k has more than half a brain, as do I. In fact, my brain has a high IQ. The problem is not with how much brain we have, it's with how much heart we have.

And your cruel statement hurt me.

I agree with your message. I disagree with your delivering it via knife into an already infected oozing gash. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO !!!!!!!!!! I think you misinterpreted my post. I really was trying to get accross the point that K's WH actions are very very predictable here. I am not blessed with the gift of the written word.

To K:
My post was not intended to poke fun at you at all. Sorry of it comes accross this way. Goodluck with all of this.

Sorry, I couldn't refuse the roses....they came thru the front desk, then back to me (I'm a nurse in a clinic).

And no, I don't think you are being cruel. I need to hear these things. I need to make informed decisions, and sometimes we are too close to our own situations to really "see" them.

I think what Lovingboundaries said about the BS teaches the WS about no contact thru their Plan B.....really hit home with me.

It seems I've had as much success with no contact in my Plan B as WH has had keeping no contact with OW.

My decision at this time is to stay silent. When in doubt....do nothing.

My thought is that this stuff today is just more of the same. He's probably going to be mad that I don't respond. I don't care. He's not been much but mad at me (because of his guilt) about anything and everything for the past 3 years. To say that I'm used to it is an understatement.

These things do not even constitute what I would call a drop in the bucket for the actions WH is going to have to show before I even CONSIDER negotiations.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
It seems I've had as much success with no contact in my Plan B as WH has had keeping no contact with OW.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">THIS really is a "lightbulb" moment for you !!!!

Good girl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

STAY STRONG ... it is a very attractive trait in you.

Pep

I've just got to say that your replies, Pep, and all the others.....ark, Lovingb, etc. really gave me some laughs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mainly because they were the same thoughts I was having myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Mainly because they were the same thoughts I was having myself.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm a <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> jenus. and so are youuuuuuuuuuuu <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I saw this funny T-shirt

"I'm a jenus"

and I thought hmmmmmmmmmm who could I buy this for?????

ME!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Lovingb and I seem to be cut from the same cloth....

I think, Lemonman, that one needs to be in the right "frame of mind" to "get" some of your posts.

My last two posts were written while I was at work, and I was writing by bits and pieces. I did not see until I got home a little while ago that there were several other posts from others.

I think you are all GREAT! I didn't need a half a brain to figure that out.

I was expecting this very type of thing from WH, only I expected it at his usual 3 week mark.

Victoria, Paper mom, Orchid, ark^^, Lemonman, Believer, Pep, and Lovingb..........

YOU ROCK!!!!!

Yup, more of the charm and half assed efforts to keep you in the picture while he does whatever he wants. IF he wants to work on the M he can present you with his written plan for NO contact and how he will prove it, and maybe a promise of counseling with the Harleys.

Stay quiet, do not respond. Give the flowers to someone else--don't bring them home in any case. You are getting so strong. Good for you! You are well on your way here.

Anne....

I'm staying quiet....WH is the one who needs to do the work.

Although I really liked Orchid's Morticia Adamms take on the flower, I had thought of taking them over to the hospital to someone who has no flowers.

K