Just heard from the grape vine.......What now!!!!!!1

Oh Frank, I'm so sorry to hear that. But it is fairly typical.

I am lost now....don't know what to do ....the guys a wife beater.....he has three kids from three different women never married any of them......I am so hurt ,,,,I still love her ......My god please help me..........

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Oh Frank, I'm so sorry to hear that. But it is fairly typical. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Fairly Typical? What is so fairly typical about an unfaithful spouse getting "knocked" up by her lover? What typical neighboorhood do you live in?

Let me guess, you are gonna say that he should still Plan A right? After all, this is a "typical" thing and can be PLan A'ed.

Frank: At what point is enough...enough? Wife beater, pregnancy? What next? I fear you are fighting a battle that can not be won. At some point, you have to take a casualty count and reassess things. This may be one of those times.
Ofcourse you know that in all likelihhod the advice you will get will be completely opposite of what I think, so at least you can get both views (although I am probably wrong on this). Goodluck, this situation you are in is frankly (pun intended) horrid. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

LM

<small>[ December 20, 2004, 09:53 PM: Message edited by: lemonman ]</small>

I'm so sorry Frank.

As someone who has experienced this twice, just know YOU can survive it. "K" who is a very respected old timer here had a similar situation, and he & his wife (and baby) are recovered for years now. Hopefully he'll show up with some pearls of wisdom to offer.

In the meantime, I would suggest you post on pregnancy/child board too. Those folks are very wise when it comes to an OC situation.

God Bless you and remember to breathe.

You are in my prayers.
Jo

<small>[ December 20, 2004, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

frankd,

I'm truly, truly sorry. What kind of hard proof do you have? Do you trust the source? I'm assuming that WW hasn't told you yet right?

Native

No she has not told me but in the past two months she kept asking, if I still had insurance on her....go figure....wants me to pay for it.....I left her a message on her cell telling her congradulations i heard you are preagnant...

You can't be made to pay for this!!! At least I hope not....see a lawyer now!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Wow Frankd, I really have no idea what to tell you friend, as I'm new to this. It's just that my heart goes out to you!!! I really hope one of the veterans here can help you.

You are in my prayers, Native

frankd, is this going to be another hit and run post? So often you come to this board in crisis and then just take off and no one knows what is going on with you. People here have been GENUINELLY worried about the safety of your daughter.

I am sorry to hear of the current situation. Will you please stay and talk to us...regardless if you feel you can take anyone's advice or not? Please don't hit and run...you have no real obligation to us but people worry and then hear nothing from you. It is difficult to expend the energy when you do this...

*adding
frank, what's going on with your girl? How are you going to deal with this situation as far as she is concerned? She is your priority here.

*edited for my own insensitivity*

<small>[ December 20, 2004, 10:35 PM: Message edited by: maddyk ]</small>

I just saw the thread.... I'm sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You're right where I was awhile back.

I don't know what I can do to help you right now,
except to offer advice on your questions.

Right now, the most important thing is to get ahold of yourself. You need your mind to be clear and your thinking to be sharp.

You need to ask yourself what is best for Frank and what does Frank want. (The answers to those two questions may be different and if they are, you need to reconcile them.)

Couple things, Frank.

The first thing that needs to happen is to confirm she is indeed pregnant. Until then, it wouldn't hurt to go to your attorney to research your State's laws. Every State views this sitch differently.

As I recommended in my earlier post, you should post on the preg/child board. Most the good folks here on GQII haven't experienced this terrible situation. The preg/child board will know how to support you best.

Please take good care of yourself.
Jo

<small>[ December 20, 2004, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

If your W is pregnant with the Om baby you better check with a lawyer. In most states you are automatically assumed to be the father and will be held accoutable for this child.

I really don't know your story. If it is true you need to figure out what you want to do. Is your W still involved with the Om? Are you willing to make your marriage work? Are you willing to help raise this child? There is alot to sit back and think about.

I have been in your W shoes and was lucky enough to have an H who accepted the child as his own. We have no contact with the bio-dad and that is the way my H wants it. Legally, my H is the father.

Best of luck!

what do I say to her.....she is sappose to call tomorrow about our D....I already left the message on he phone.........Should I say I am there for her or leave her alone.......I'm lost

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by maddyk:
<strong> rolls her eyes congenially at lemonman as he does another one of his "don't take my advice posts, BUT..."

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL...maddy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , Fair enough... ----> Rolling my eyes back at you. I guess I will have to explain it to you. READ SLOWLY, so you get it all, K?

This is a MB site and I clearly do NOT subscribe to many (I do agree on some) of the principles advocated by this sites creator (a fact I freely disclose)..BUT I still like to post and ***for now*** feel it is good to have another view point out there for others to consider, even if it is not looked at as "support". So, in a compromise, since I seem to usually be on the opposite view of many on here, I QUALIFY my posts, so I don't have to get a diatribe on the fact that this is a MB site, and the principles say, and harley says.....YADA YADA YADA. It is easier for me and other posters to have this disclaimer out there. That way, posters do not have to spend time writing lengthy diatribes to me, when they could be spending it giving marital recovery advice/support. If you do not like my posting, you should email Justus@aol.com and perhaps she can help you with your grievances.

I am sorry you don't like my advice or posting style (A big <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> to you....also done in a congenial manner), SO BE IT ..your rolling eyes at me is a nice compliment..Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cheers !

LM

P.S. Sorry Frank for the interuption of your thread...we now go back to our regular scheduled programing.

LemonMan,

Can we please attempt to not make "FRANK'S Crisis" about anything other than supporting Frank.

If necessary, please create a separate thread.

Thanks and God Bless,
Jo

please need an answer so i can think of what to say.......

lm:

Let me assume you were asking me:

"Let me guess, you are gonna say that he should still Plan A right? After all, this is a "typical" thing and can be PLan A'ed."

I'm going 2 say that *I* think Frank needs 2 decide which plan he's going 2 follow and follow it. Make it "frank's plan" in the process.

"Frank: At what point is enough...enough? Wife beater, pregnancy? What next? I fear you are fighting a battle that can not be won. At some point, you have to take a casualty count and reassess things. This may be one of those times."

I agree, this MAY be one of those times. But think about it: Frank's daughter is in the hands of this foggy WW, AND the "wife beater/cat killer". The casualties are numerous already, we just don't want the next one 2 be his D. What would you suggest he do at this point in this sitch? Let's have some concrete suggestions, but realize that, in the final analysis, Frank will have 2 make his own decisions for himself.

-ol' 2long

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by frankd:
<strong> what do I say to her.....she is sappose to call tomorrow about our D....I already left the message on he phone.........Should I say I am there for her or leave her alone.......I'm lost </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">what?? Frank, the only thing you should be worrying about right now is how to get your daughter out of the living situation she is in...her mother is still married to you, gets beat by her lover, and is now bringing yet another innocent child into this mess.

Your D is in the most critical time of her entire life right now when it comes to forming an 'ideal' of what a relationship should be...focus on megan frank...your WW is going to do what feels good to her, not what is good for her daughter..it's up to you Frank..step up and be what she needs..a Father..

frankd, 2long mentioned concrete suggestions but this is hard to do for you. You are a lost soul. The best thing in the world you can do is make a plan and stick to it. This is not something that you have been able to do. I'm not talking about Plan A/Plan B/Plan D here. You are so confused and lost because you are just letting things happen in this situation instead of making them happen for you.

What have you done for frank and Meaghan (sorry if my spelling is wrong)? What have you done about her current living situation? What have you done about obtaining an attorney who knows what they are doing? Why are you still allowing your wife to drag you into her chaos? What are you doing to help yourself?

I ask you this stuff not to "beat on" you or interrogate you. I ask because it's hard to tell if you've made any progress with any of that. I may only be speaking for myself here but I care far more about you and your daughter than I do about your WW/OM/possible OC.