Well I finally plucked up the courage to phone OW's ex husband. He was wonderful and completely understanding. He said that he knew they were "good" friends but didn't realise that they were having an affair. He says the affair had nothing to do with their break up as he didn't even know she was having an affair.

He gave me her work telephone number and I found one call to that number on my H's phone. . .dated 23 November. . .the call lasted only 40 seconds. During the whole affair they used their cell phones. I don't know why my H phoned her or if he even spoke to her because as I say the call only lasted 40 seconds. When I confronted my H on this he said that he didn't even know that was her works number, "it must have been a missed call" that he called back. I managed to get a printout of her works telephone bill and there was no call to my H's number on the bill so he was lying when he said it was a missed call. If it had been a missed called it would have shown up on her works account as a call to him. Why do they continually lie. He phoned her and I am assuming didn't get to talk to her because the length of the call was only 40 secons. BUT HE STILL CALLED HER. . .AFTER 11 MONTHS!!! He is such a liar and this was a man that prided himself on his truthfulness and integrity. I will now keep an eye open for that number on his print out.

The ex husband says she is now involved with someone else and has been for about six months. He is pretty sure that his ex wife hasn't seen my H this whole year. I hope he is right because by the sounds of things he has very little to do with the ex W. He said that if he heard anything he would phone me and tell me.

enid,

I'm so sorry for you............but I'm still happy that your talk with OW'S ex did give you some info.

In my situation it was quit the same and I found out things that I wouldn't of known otherwise. My husband lied too............but don't "give up".

You are going to have to "have a talk" with your WS, don't sweep anything under the rug.

Watch closely how he reacts and "listen to your gut".

This is a "red flag" if you ask me.

40 seconds...........doesn't sound long does it??? But if you just sit down and count the seconds...........you'll realize it's long enough to say "something!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

This is what "No contact" seems to be about.......because even if your WS just phoned out of curiousity, it was "contact".
If your WS has to "lie" about this "he" has something going through his mind that was not "open & honest!"

bb

If there is one thing I have learnt about this whole business is that my WH is not open and honest. He refuses to discuss the A, he gets angry if I even mention it and like you say a lot can be said in 40 seconds. As far as I am concerned he had no reason to phone her at all.

When I confronted him, I was very angry and I am afraid I LB'd badly. I swore at him and called him all the [censored] under the sun. He sulked for two days. . .saying "I've done nothing wrong" I don't even know where she works blah blah. He was crying and upset because I spoke so disrespectfully to him. . .ha!!!

His favourite tactic is to attack and say things like "we can't go on like this". . ."you just won't leave things alone". This is also a lie because the only time I mention the A is if something happens. . .like my finding her work number on his print out.

He doesn't know that I have seen a print out of the OW's works telephone account and now I know that he phoned her and it wasn't a missed call on his cellphone. . . "that he just dialed back to see who it was". He says he doesn't even remember the call or what happened. I know he is lying because the call to his phone would have been on her print out. . .

The problem is that he has a lot of time on his hands and I definitely feel "the devil makes work for idle hands". I think he probably phoned out of curiosity. Also as I say it was a very short call. . .hope she told him that she had met someone else and he could p@$^s off.

He says he loves me and when I confronted him about the call to him I outright asked him if he wanted a divorce. He said he didn't want a divorce and that he loved me and that I was blowing one little phone call out of all proportion. At that time of course I didn't know that she hadn't phoned him because I didn't have her print out so AGAIN I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I am not going to tell him that I have a copy of her print out. . .its just to close to Xmas to have any more arguments. I will just keep my eyes open and hopefully if OW's husband hears anything he will keep me posted. . .he has promised to do so.

^

Do I let him know that I know he was lying when he said that he just answered a "missed call". It would mean another great big fight because I would have to admit getting a copy of OW's phone bill print out and I don't really want him to know that I have the ability to get OW's print out.

This is a tough one. My husband's affair ended only 2 weeks ago but he is supposed to be handing over all future cell phone bills. My husband also has a work cell so I'm not expecting to see much on his regular cell anymore.
My husband thinks that I read into things much more than they are at times. Well its hard not to when they clam up and won't talk, right?
If you are lucky enough to be able to get those phone records and keep it to yourself for now, I would. I used up all my resources, so now all I have is my suspicions and to try and believe him when he says they haven't talked. You may need this info in the future. If you are pretty sure he is lying, you don't want to have all your resources used up.
I sound so sneaky don't I. I am not but I just think that anyone has been lied to is going to have a hard time believing their spouse about anything and there will always be a little bit of doubt there. Just my thoughts. Good luck!