I am thinking of changing my name from love of a lifetime to Liar of a lifetime.

OW and I confronted him together and the whole truth came out. He is so upset that we had the guts to do that to him with out realizing he did it to himself.

I am meeting a lawyer on Tuesday next week. First time with that so wish me luck. I do not know what to expect.

WH called all upset because OW and I were emailing each other all the garbage he was giving us. He knew the truth was coming out and could not face it. It all hurts lots but it opened my eyes and shut my heart. Big withdrawls from Love bank all at once. I feel so empty now.

I can not vent with noone I know because I refuse to bad mouth the father of my child. So I come here to vent.

It is over. I guess I will have to move to the Divorcing board. Can I stay here a little longer? There is more activity and I do not feel that lonely here.

Thanks guys for all your support while I tried to fix my marriage. I am sorry it did not work.

Take care. I will stay in touch.

<small>[ December 25, 2004, 07:53 PM: Message edited by: love of a lifetime ]</small>

Of course you will stay here, if this is where you are comfortable. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I applaud you for not badmouthing your childrens dad. They (and you) will benefit greatly from your wisdom on this.

Hang in there love (and no, please don't change your name to liar).

love of a lifetime,

You have just been given a huge dose of hurt....but now that the truth IS out...I caution you about making a decision to go straight to divorce because you may find this level of contempt is hard to sustain and that against all odds...your marriage is salvageable. What does WH say? What does he want? What is he willing to do to achieve it. What would forgiveness look like to you?

<small>[ December 21, 2004, 07:00 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Love,

I just went back and read your old posts....and you've never done a Plan B. You're worried about it giving them time to be together....YES! It will give them time...and that's often what KILLS the A!! Have you exposed this affair?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hang in there love (and no, please don't change your name to liar). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He was my love of a lifetime and turned out to be the liar of the lifetime. But thanks and I wont change my name.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What does WH say? What does he want? What is he willing to do to achieve it. What would forgiveness look like to you?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not sure what he has been trying to say. When it happend he said that he understood he did not deserve forgiveness, etc. First he wanted to change his cell phone number, call her and tell her in front of me that he wanted to be with me and go to therapy.(His best friend who is a "player" suggested that). I have heard so much bs from him in these last 6 months that I told him no. Now he wants to be alone and away from OW and I to think things over. OW and I still emailing everything he throws at us. He can not lie anymore so that is why he wants time alone. I know also that she is feeding me only what is good for her but I do not care because I have ways of finding out what she is really wanting to do.

I gave him his last chance last time and he thought it would be ok to keep on it because I forgave him before. Little did he know that I was at the end of the rope with my patience. I do not feel hate towards him. I almost feel sorry for him because he will loose the most with all this. The whole family does not approve (his and mine). I have been rising his older kid as my own and now he will have to put him through hell again with more changes.

Question? Is it ok for me to keep my stepson with me for the rest of the school year even after we divorce so he could adjust to whatever happens at his own pace and not throw him into and unstable enviroment since my wh does not go which direction he is going. I do not know if you understand what I mean. I do not see anything wrong nor does it bothers me since I've rised him as my own for a while now. Plus my baby loves him too and they get along so good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> caution you about making a decision to go straight to divorce because you may find this level of contempt is hard to sustain and that against all odds...your marriage is salvageable.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My marriage it is not salvable anymore. My husband is a truck driver. There is no way I will ever trust him again on the road or even going to the store next door by himself. Unless I surgically attach myself to him and be there 24/7 I will not trust him again. I want him to be someone elses headache now. I am not saying I do not love him because I still do. He is not the man I married. He is this liar I do not know nor I trust now. I have told him during his third and last chance that I have forgiven the affair but I was demanding honesty. He failed me again on honesty and now he needs to be gone. I need peace of mind. OW emails me that how can I accept him back after all this. Of course she was lied to also but somehow it is ok for her to accept him back. I am not willing to keep working on my marriage. I am exausted. Divorce is my answer. Any other comments or suggestions please let me know. I will like to hear of others that went through this.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you've never done a Plan B.Have you exposed this affair? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I was going to do plan B I failed at NC. I can not do NC with all the things we do together. I stay home with the kids, run his trucking business from home, have construction going on on the house, etc Can not stay on NC for long. Very difficult.
As for exposing the affair...My family knows, his family knows, his friends know, her coworkers know, and so does her family. She does not care what other people think. As a matter of fact, her mom has been getting calls threatening OW that she better stop what she is doing, etc and those calls are getting blamed on me. I can tell you right now it is not my job to tell her to stay away from my husband but my husband's job to stay away from her. Why would I call her mom to tell her all that the calls have been saying (dont have time for all details).

I am so exhausted of dealing with this that I do not find it worth it anymore. I have an appt with the lawyer on Tuesday. I will see what I am told. I am between separation and divorce. Separation will give him hopes and pi$$ her off ( I like that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) She is already telling him that if they get together I will be out of the picture. She does not know that me and my WH get along very well and even after a divorce we will still talk and get along. I am not sure she will handle that very well.

Sorry about the long one today. Hope to hear from more people soon ,Thanks for listening. Love

By all means keep your step-son. That would be the loving thing to do.

Hang in there, it isn't over until it's over.

Thanks Believer. That is what I wanted to hear.

It is just that OW offered my WH to keep my Stepson and to rent him a room as a roommate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> for him to sort things out.
Yeah! Somehow, in her eyes, it is ok for him to do that but not to leave his son with me because OW says he will not be proving to her that he really wants time alone and I am only doing that to have him come over,blah, blah ,blah.

OW sounds a little bit crazy. Let your husband and step son make the choice. You can make the offer, and then stay out of it. Something tells me that OW is going to paint herself into a corner on this one.

Ok, WH called this morning and I think I will listen to what I heard so far from mostly everyone and I will go with a separation instead of divorcing right away. I will still go to my lawyer's appointment next Tuesday and find out how that works just to be informed but will not make a decision on that yet.

He told me that he needs time alone to figure out what he wants to do. That so far he wants to fall in love with me again if I still have feelings for him and work on his issues (lying mostly, staying away from ow, etc). I have listening to what he had to say but not commenting on it much. I will not have anything to do with his decision at the end (at least not with words-I will just give him my best behavior). I guess kind of a plan A. I know we can not follow plan B (NC) but I have not been calling him at all. He has been the one contacting me. I have been polite and plan A'ing without really making an effor to do it.

I will keep things like that. No calls to him. Being polite. Listening but not saying much. So far he complaints that OW keeps being a pest every time I send her an email she calls him to question him of what I said and he told her that whatever we say to each other is not his business. She questions everything he does, if he calls me why he did, if he still supporting me why he does that, blah ,blah, blah. Hmmm! I, on the other hand, know that whatever OW writes to me, I just read and do not mention to WH, keep it to myself and move on. No need to question anything. I know OW will be telling half true stories, mixed in with some lies and whatever is only convenient to her. I have not lied to her but do not give her details either, but I know how the story goes. At least him knowing we are doing this keeps him from falling in the same garbage of lying straight in the face.

He watches eveything he says now. Last nite he dropped a gift for my stepson while we were sleeping for me to wrap for xmas. There was a Victoria Secret Gift there too and he called me this morning to "clarify" that it should not mean anything to me since it was just a gift from the kids. I told him thanks and that I did not take it wrong. That I do too have gifts for him from the kids.

Alright, shoot me with comments that they are always welcome. Thanks for helping. Still Love

I know now that WH stayed with OW while he wa supposed to have been staying in a hotel. He has not lied since I found out another way. The thing is that her bed is open to him and mine is not. He has been at my house to see the kids and I have not asked where he is staying, what he's been doing. Nothing. He tells me what he wants and I just listen.

Chirstmas is over tommorrow and he will see the kids again at nite. I am waiting to see my lawyer on Tuesday. I think I will not divorce him right away but will put him in a NC state. He will know about the kids through his friend and we will come up with a plan for him to seeing the kids without seeing me.

I know now that through all the constant fights they still have (OW and WH) she still opens her bed to him and she will not go away. I will go in the dark and hide with NC to see what he does. Give me any imput on this one because I do not know how to go about it. Last time I try to do plan B I failed to NC and I want to be able to do it this time.

WH has been smooth about still seeing her even after he got busted lying to both of us and with me he has been trying to stay in my good side too. I really do not want him to know where he stands with me because he will still be with the OW and still think I could be his fall back if that fails. I need him to stay away from me and see if he really misses me and really wants to be with me.

I am not even sure I am making sense today. I am too tired and confused at this time of the night. Maybe tommorrow I will see the light.

Merry Chirstmas to all and thanks for letting vent my story and confused thoughts. Love

It is in your best interest NOT to speak with OW anymore. She already has your confidence of sorts and will now turn the A tables on you as the WS did.

You found out some stuff and rumbled their A. Not step back and let nature take it's course.

Go into a solid plan B with specific conversation points. Mine was $$, mail and child visitation. No emotional R talk from me. That sure didn't last long. Both the WS and OW called me to tell me to take him back. I told them to I finally saw how much they deserved each other. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> OW was screaming in the background of his phone call.....'take him back L, take him back..." What a nutcase. To this day, she thinks she did me a favor. In reality. I told him to stay with her and he came crawling back. When she called looking for him, I said this is a business phone (we had 2 numbers), can't you keep track of your men? LOL!!! She got angry, but hey that certainly wasn't the 1st time so it didn't hurt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My point is communicating with the OW is worthless after a while. The WS has already hung himself. Pulling the rope tighter will only make his eyes bulge out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

L.

Thanks Orchid. I am glad I checked this site this morning right before emailing OW today. I wont do it now.

I checked your RB. It comes at a good time cause I am ready to start with Plan B. He is supposed to stop by tonight. I was going to wait until I went to the Lawyer Tuesday but I will start it today. I am nervous about it. Maybe I should tell him on the phone. There is no time to type a Plan B letter. Should I do that first. Should I tell him in person, on the phone. Please help!

I just want to get Plan B started right away. with people coming in a few hours I do not have time for much. I was on my way to hit the shower when the temptation and addiction of this website pull me to the computer.

Anyway. anycomments help. Thanks, Love

I am not sure how to approach him for Plan B. I wrote the letter. Well, maybe not a plan B letter to the end but one that tells him that I am going to have NC with him and explained about the Bills, kids visitations, etc. And how I love him but can not stay in that love triangle he had going on for a while now. Thats the summary since it is written in spanish.

I am feeling very low today. It was a good Christmas here for the kids, my parents, parents in law and even myself as far as company went. He stopped after everyone was gone and share a little time with the kids. It is killing me having to move to plan B. A few days ago I was ready for Divorce when the truth came out and now I am feeling no strenght to keep fighting over this. Going in plan B will take even more strength and I pray to God for help with that.

I am afraid of his reaction too. Do not know what to expect. WH will probably blame me for doing this to our relationship or someting stupid like that. Do not now what to expect from him anymore? So many lies, guilt trips, emotional games...etc. I am so tired.

Just to keep you guys informed. Wish me luck. I am not sure when to hand it to him. I am afraid of his reaction in person. I wanted to read it to him over the phone so I do not have to deal with his moods,etc.? Who knows what I'll do.

Thanks to all for imputing your thoughts on this one. Thanks, Love

Well, WH is supposed to spend some time with his parents today. I am sure he was busy with ow last night even though I have no proof so far. Called me last nite to see if he could get a weekend membership in the gym I go to. Yeah right! Get real. That was the excuse call. He always calls me before he is with her or before calling her either to keep me from calling him or to "clean" his guilt in his mind. I do not know. All that will be over once I hand him that letter today.

I am not sure if wh will stop by before leaving on the road. Maybe I will not be here and I can just leave it sticking to the front door for him to pick up. I do not know yet.

I will stop communicating with him, his friend and ow emails. She wants him, she will be on her own to trust him.

What should I do if he tries to text message me saying he misses me or something like that? Should I forward it to ow so he knows he is not playing us both again(and to cause conflict there too) or should I stay out of it (them). I do not know what to do anymore. I know it will not be easy.

Yesterday, on the last email ow sent me (I did not answer it not will I do that again), she said how he was with her and did a lot more than talking and how it proves he is not changing, etc. So if he is not changing why does she still wants him. It is like they deserve each other so much. They are both full of "it".

Oh well, just venting. Feel free to shoot your always welcome comments. Love

plan B is completely choosing out of ALL the chaos...

no responding to WS
no forwarding anything to OW

nothing,,nadda..zipp...
not a peep a whisper, a squeak, a wave...

nothing

complete removal from their sickness...
you are too healthy to be involved one more second...

Ark

I handed him the letter today and he asked if it was about a divorce. I told him no but tears came to his eyes and he told me to tell him what the letter was about because he could not read it. I took it from him and read it to him in a surprisely calm voice. That was around 1PM today.

It is almost 7 PM and got a text message saying how sorry he is for not working things as a couple when he felt things were going wrong, that he has feelings for me and want to fall in love with me again, that he does not wants to loose his family, etc. It was so long it got cut during the message so it is not complete.

He text message again seconds later about how he feels rejected that I would only discuss the kids with him by text messages and that it brings him memories of the night I rejected him in bed while I was pregnant(supposely that started the whole thing for him). That he rather have me leave him voice messages about the kids(can not have anyone be the middle person because all usually add extra to the messages we have sent before thinking they are helping).

Now,He called, because the messages kept cutting short, and I picked up (once again failing to plan B). He babble back and forth about the above stuff and whatever. I listened and made it clear that he needed to get help (we do not have the money now but have to come up with it somehow)and work on getting OW out of his life before he could try to fix anything here. He said he knew and that he was just asking me not to deal with this through text messaging becuase it was just bringing back the bad memories of rejection. That it is ok not to talk but do not do it by the way of text if we had to.

Let's see how much longer can we keep without talking. For sure he is not warming up my bed for a long time. He is very aware of that. He even told OW to be like me in that aspect and stop letting the cookie jar open for him to go and help himself whenever he wanted it because it will not allow him change. He is the one that needs to stay away from the cookie jar if he really wants to change. Let's see how the rest of plan B will go.

He mentioned that he understood why I wanted to stay away from him but felt it will not allow him to get closer like he wanted to. I told him until he forgets and resolves about the cookie jar (ow) he will not be able to fix anything with me. He said he was aware of that and that it will take time but he was just asking no to do it by text. I said ok. Let's see how this goes from now on.

I'll keep you posted. Has anyone else been through a rough begining of plan B? I know I should not have answered the phone. It is easier to keep him away from my bed than away from the phone calls. I will learn the hard way, I guess, to deal with that aspect of plan B.

Wish me luck! Love

I've read here where there have been others who have had a difficult time with plan B. If you feel the urge to answer the phone when he calls, just unplug it, or take it off the hook.

Good luck.

MIF
How am I doin'?

I would like to give you some advise, based soley on experience. I suggest you distance yourself from this love triangle. I was in one that started five years ago and lasted for three years. Our daughter was four months old when I found out. The other woman knew about me from the get go. Becuz of my pride, I did not walk away. The other woman and I spent many years talking to each other on the phone telling each other what H said ( mostly we were trying to hurt each other and find out if H was being unfaithful) I would do anything and say anything to her that would break up her hopes of a happy ever after with him. H spent one month with me then the next month with her. We were both stupid fools for letting him go back and forth. Now we must associate with one another for the rest of our lives because we each had children (she one, me two )with him. Two years after the affair started, walked away from "the triangle" and all the lies, games, pain frustration involved. When he realized that I was leaving for good, H came home for good. Its been 3 1/2 years now with lots of ups and down, more down than up. The point I am trying to make is that this triangle went on for "years" because she and I were willing players in the game of trying to win H and trying to hurt one another. It is a very unhealty place to put yourself. I regret wasting one iota of my time and energy on the "love triangle". You may have noticed that I mentioned that he "came back home". If this is what your hoping may happen to you, then stop hoping, use your head. Why do I say this? Three weeks ago, I found out he had an affair with a co-worker, in the apartment complex that he works in and we live in. (p.s. We just had our second child early 2004)