Well today I finally dropped my bomb. Here's a quick rundown for those that care to read. Sorry if it's long!

Got off work early, WW was packing up more of her stuff today (she's had a few boxes packed since shortly after Dday). I started off the conversation nicely asking if she needed help moving anything.

WW: No!

ME: Okay so when do you think you'll be able to move out?

WW: I don't know, as soon as I can afford it, you'll need to help me. What's the big rush?

ME: Well I figured since your packing your ready to leave, besides I need to move on also.

WW: Well move on then!

I then got on the internet and checked my bank account. Turns out WW used my bank card to buy some lunch. I know it's trivial but this has been one of our sticking points that she never tells me when she uses my card. I always have to find out and drag it out of her. That's another story though.

So I then gave WW back her bank card and asked for mine. She took her card and threw it in the kitchen, then went and got my card and gave it too me.

WW: There now your free of me.

So she starts getting ready to leave with the kids.

ME: You know your the one that is choosing this separation.

WW: You just don't get it, you never will. I've been hurting for so long, I gave up. I've stopped loving you. I never want you back. Why can't you see that.

ME: I know, I know, I'm a terrible H.

So more fog talk from WW basically saying that I was terrible to her. I tried to tell her that we both weren't getting our needs met. I couldn't take her telling me that I was an abusive H anymore. I just couldn't take it. Now remember that I was fairly calm during all this, not raising my voice or LB's. Meanwhile WW is yelling and swearing in front of the kids. Kids got upset that we were yelling I tried to console them and even told them in front of WW that I loved mommy.

So I then got a few pictures from my PI, showing her with OM and stuff. I then came clean with the whole thing. I've had a PI on her for two months, I know OM plus other guys names. I know when she's staying the night with GF or OM. I know about her trip to the CDC and that she now has an STD and has been treated. I told her everything.

WW then tries to tell me who is "so in so" (OM) I said you know who he is. She said what STD do I have. I said I don't know as you won't tell me. She said did you ever think that I went to CDC for birth control? I said get real.

Then WW changed her tune. She wouldn't let me leave the house and started asking me what I was going to do with this information. Was I going to get a lawyer and take her to court? Was I going to try and take away the kids? I said that's for the courts to decide. I'm just going to get a lawyer and give him everything. She said why did you have to do this, this could have been so easy. You get the house and I move out. She then proceeds to tell me that it sure is nice that she can trust me. I told her that I wouldn't follow her anymore. I haven't but PI's have and she said that they were representing me so I WAS following her. Semantics in my book.

Anyway I'm really sorry this is so long. But I feel like a burden has been lifted as I know longer have these secrets anymore. I just got home and WW is gone, I saw her car at MIL house so they must be talking.

I guess I'll be moving to Plan D. Thanks for all the support people and helping me to get stronger and make it through this.

Native

Native,

Well I feel relief in your posts and now the burden has been given back to the WS.

After all her taunts and insinuations, it is you who has always had the real upper hand. The yelling your children heard was her voice. So it is critical you keep your cool in front of them but also reassure them that you love them. As for the Ws, she will have to make amends with her children herself.

Just a word of caution, I don't neccessarily agree it is a good idea to say: 'I love mommy', when they know this person parading around as mommy is acting like a raging lunatic. Also most parents instruct their children NOT to speak to strangers, so they maybe confused.

I told my son, I loved him and we would be together as a team. We were and are a family. He knew I would not abandon him but I did not say I loved his father as is. I said I loved his father when he acted like the H and dad we once had. Even my 6 year old knew the difference.

WS had to make amends to his son. Something that will never be forgotten.

Secure your finances. Secure your future.

Be safe.

take care,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong>I guess I'll be moving to Plan D.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Give it time. You just exposed A, let her decide. You know what you want ... you want W back not WW !. Stick to it and don't settle for less.

-rh-

Good luck native

MIF

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong> Native,

Just a word of caution, I don't neccessarily agree it is a good idea to say: 'I love mommy', when they know this person parading around as mommy is acting like a raging lunatic. Also most parents instruct their children NOT to speak to strangers, so they maybe confused.

I told my son, I loved him and we would be together as a team. We were and are a family. He knew I would not abandon him but I did not say I loved his father as is. I said I loved his father when he acted like the H and dad we once had. Even my 6 year old knew the difference.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been following your story and am glad you seem to have a bit taken off your shoulders for the moment.

I agree with what Orchid said above. One thing I did with my children....well, it was actually started by a joke.

Back before all the ugliness started and WH was deployed, we had watched Men In Black with the girls. There was a part when the guys in it are talking about how many people out there are really aliens....one of the lines was "a lot of people working at Jack in the Box" or something along those lines. The girls thought it was hilarious and it was on ongoing joke with my WH and the kids from then on and they tried to figure out who were the aliens when we went to Jack in the Box.

Anyway, one day, a short time after WH had come back home from his deployment, they were talking about how daddy isn't the same daddy anymore and that scares them. I told them it scares me sometimes too but that no matter what, we always have each other and we will keep hoping, praying and working towards the daddy that we love coming back.

So, my younger daughter (7 at the time) looks at me and says, "You know mom, I think daddy was really working at Jack in the Box while he was gone. I don't think he was away for the army."

We all just laughed at that one for the longest time. That wasn't too long after I had found this site and became familiar with the "alien" terminology <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So now when daddy does something that hurts them or confuses them or just makes them angry, they say "Daddy's been at Jack in the Box again" and we all know what the deal is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong> [.... we had watched Men In Black with the girls. There was a part when the guys in it are talking about how many people out there are really aliens....one of the lines was "a lot of people working at Jack in the Box" or something along those lines. The girls thought it was hilarious and it was on ongoing joke with my WH and the kids from then on and they tried to figure out who were the aliens when we went to Jack in the Box.

Anyway, one day, a short time after WH had come back home from his deployment, they were talking about how daddy isn't the same daddy anymore and that scares them. I told them it scares me sometimes too but that no matter what, we always have each other and we will keep hoping, praying and working towards the daddy that we love coming back.

So, my younger daughter (7 at the time) looks at me and says, "You know mom, I think daddy was really working at Jack in the Box while he was gone. I don't think he was away for the army."

We all just laughed at that one for the longest time. That wasn't too long after I had found this site and became familiar with the "alien" terminology <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So now when daddy does something that hurts them or confuses them or just makes them angry, they say "Daddy's been at Jack in the Box again" and we all know what the deal is. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's hilarious.... I hope WAT sees this (he is the one who helped ID the 'aliens from within'. Gave them the description of being from the 'mothership' and 'diagnosed their disease as being from eating moose worms'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This defninitely ranks with the aliens, moose worms and mothership persona. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

<small>[ December 25, 2004, 03:29 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

Tough deal there Native but sounds like you handled it well. Maybe this is what WW needs, to look over the edge of the cliff and stare into the abyss. I wish both of you the best.

Thanks Orchid, Red, MIF, Faith, Cher, and Bear.

I couldn't help to explain to my oldest son 5 that I do love his mother. As it's true. All my kids are too young to really know what is going on. They know that we argued but the reason why or the words said are beyond them. At least I hope.

I do feel like I can breathe. I'm finally the man that I'm supposed to be. I have a problem and make a decision and attack it. I haven't attacked this problem but I feel at least that I've laid out my reasons finally. I'll no longer walk around on eggshells for WW. WW has been able to lie constantly too me, I've kept these secrets from her as well. I just couldn't do it anymore, I don't have the ability to lie to someone I love I guess.

I don't know what's going to happen next. WW went to MIL last night to talk I assume. I hope MIL put some sense into WW. WW came home around 11 pm or so and came into the bedroom where I was sleeping. She started getting some clothes, I asked where the kids were and she said in the car. She then left, maybe to spend the night with the kids at MIL or best GF. I don't know.

We'll see what happens next, I guess I should follow through and get a lawyer after the holidays.

Native.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> WW came home around 11 pm or so and came into the bedroom where I was sleeping. She started getting some clothes, I asked where the kids were and she said in the car. She then left, maybe to spend the night with the kids at MIL or best GF. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why did you let her take your children from thier home? She is not very responsible at the moment. You do not even know where she is taking them... could be to one of her OM. Having been molested myself from diapers on do you really want to risk that for your children?

Worse yet leaving young children alone in a car <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Your 1.5yo could have choked and died in the time it took her to get into the house. What if the car was stolen? Some pervert saw an opportunity? There is no excuse for leaving small children in a car alone PERIOD!

If I was behaving as your wife is, my DH would never let me take our children. I would expect him not to not let me. My brothers wife had her marital "flings" he was talked out of keeping his child by well intenders because fathers don't get custody. His child has been used as a pawn ever since and the courts let her use him. My nephew has also been abused by some of his new "daddies". Need a vomiting emoticon here.

***FOR All THE DADs,*** unless you are abusive or dangerously unstable, there is no reason for you to let your children live in the chaos of you spouses situation. You should stay in the home and keep the children if possible. Or make a home somewhere with them. Thier protection should be #1. Your children are going thru upheaval as it is emotionally, don't think that others will not take advantage of it. JMO

Thanks Just,

I know that the kids are better off with me than with my WW right now. I just don't know how to do it. As there are no orders right now. I'll just have to try and stop her myself for the time being.

Native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just_li'l_o_me:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> WW came home around 11 pm or so and came into the bedroom where I was sleeping. She started getting some clothes, I asked where the kids were and she said in the car. She then left, maybe to spend the night with the kids at MIL or best GF. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why did you let her take your children from thier home? She is not very responsible at the moment. You do not even know where she is taking them... could be to one of her OM. Having been molested myself from diapers on do you really want to risk that for your children?

Worse yet leaving young children alone in a car <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Your 1.5yo could have choked and died in the time it took her to get into the house. What if the car was stolen? Some pervert saw an opportunity? There is no excuse for leaving small children in a car alone PERIOD!

If I was behaving as your wife is, my DH would never let me take our children. I would expect him not to not let me. My brothers wife had her marital "flings" he was talked out of keeping his child by well intenders because fathers don't get custody. His child has been used as a pawn ever since and the courts let her use him. My nephew has also been abused by some of his new "daddies". Need a vomiting emoticon here.

***FOR All THE DADs,*** unless you are abusive or dangerously unstable, there is no reason for you to let your children live in the chaos of you spouses situation. You should stay in the home and keep the children if possible. Or make a home somewhere with them. Thier protection should be #1. Your children are going thru upheaval as it is emotionally, don't think that others will not take advantage of it. JMO </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just need $10K for a retainer to do this. You wanna help?

Seems in my county, unless the woman is an axe murderer, she automatically gets custody.

So I've decided to keep my powder dry for now.

TB

Native,

She then proceeds to tell me that it sure is nice that she can trust me.

Isn't it simply amazing what comes out of their foggy mouths!!??

k

Yes the fogginess that is spewed is truly breath taking. Well WW has been asking me if I want to do this (the D) the easy way. I told her that you just can't break up a life and kids easy. She said sure you can. I said it's too late for that.

Before this WW really had no way to move out of the house as she couldn't afford it. So she's been relatively calm as of late. Now she has talked to her StepFather (It just so happens that Stepfather and MIL just divorced due to his cheating but that's another story). Anyway FIL has his own painting buisness and does pretty well. So I'm assuming their meeting went something like this.

WW: My H is treating me so terribly I just don't know what to do.

Stepfather: I'm sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do?

WW: I really need to get me and the kids out of the house but I can't afford an appt.

StepF: I could help you with that.

So I'm assuming that FIL gave WW a few thousand dollars. So now she is back to her old nasty self. This really sucks as I was hoping that WW would have a hard time trying to get a place of her own.

I guess we'll be separating, and I'll be going to Plan B, then probably plan D some time soon.

Native

So how long does a Plan B last? I'm not really sure if mine will be long or not. I won't be filing for D, that will have to be the WW's choice. This has been advised by my Pastor, he said it's actually better that way for me legally. I'm giving my WW up, have to let her go as I can't control her.

Anyone have any statistics on the length of Plan B's for some of the MB peeps around here? Anyone that has "turned the corner" care to tell how long there Plan B was?

Thanks, Native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> So how long does a Plan B last?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have to ask yourself ... how long before your LB$ bankrupt ?. You know it when you get there. You will feel no love, no anger, nothing toward WW ... you just feel in-different.

Mine is 6 months of dark plan B ... I have no feeling toward my exW and I don't want her back at all. I counter filed (petition) to get my status to DV'ed.

Hang in there and take one step at a time. Right now you should draft your plan B letter and get the logistic of plan B going.

-rh-

Thanks Redhat,

Yes I agree that the Plan B is ultimately up to me and how much I can deal with. I haven't even started plan B yet and I'm worried about losing what I have for WW. Although I admit that I'm starting to get angry (first time during all this). I feel that WW is now basically whoreing herself to guys that she meets at the clubs.

WW has now attached herself to another man. She is back to taking her birth control pills. She left last night (Christmas) and went to see this new guy. I checked her phone when she came back in at 4 am. She called new guy last night. She has dropped the first guy that gave her the STD I think, now she's with new guy.

She has been actively searching for a new appt. and has gotten about 2 months rent from her Stepfather. Problem is that my church has advised me not to file for D (they say legally it would be better for me if she did). But as my budget stands now I'm about $400 short in our monthly bills if she leaves. So I don't know how long I can do a seperation/Plan B with out getting some kind of financial support from WW ie. childsupport/sueing her for Adultery (Legal in my state).

Once WW moves out, which I believe will be in Jan sometime, I will be giving her my Plan B letter and go dark. I guess then I'll know what she wants. I will be drafting my Plan B letter and posting it soon.

I'm starting to get angry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , not hurting in pain anymore, is that normal? Her lies about me, our live pre-A, what she's doing to the family!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thanks, Native.

Have you exposed her affair to her step-father? I you haven't, I'd bet that he would get quite an eyeful with a copy of the evidence you have on her extra-marital activities. Who knows, he may even decide to try to get back the money he gave her for the 2 months rent if he feels that he gave it to her under false pretenses. BS are not the only people who get deceived by the WS, and when others find out that they have been had by a lying WS, they are often not kind in their response to the WS. Something to consider.

TMCM

Thanks for the input TMCM,

I thought about doing just that. However StepF doesn't have very much influence over WW. He has never really been close to the WW and her brother. And since not much influence according to MB principals that means exposing would be revengeful right??

Also here is the kicker, StepF, was cheating on MIL and they just resently got divorced this year!!! So I don't know how he would take this. The only reason StepF and I have contact is because he really misses the grandkids and MIL won't let him come to her house.

I have to think this over, but your probably right that if I expose this to him he will probably be less inclined to give her money.

I spoke with StepF when he was visiting the kids, and he told me that he gave WW some money. He said that she didn't tell him why she was moving out. He said that he regretted making that decision now that he has had time to think about it. He said if I needed help so I would loose the house to let him know. I said if he wanted to help me he wouldn't give WW anymore money, he said okay. But maybe I should expose, all the same.

Native

native00,

WAT has a very good analogy for exposure ... it is from the center first ... your family, then the cirlce getting larger to close relatives ... close freinds ... work place too. After that you should stop and let it work out itself.

Help your WW moves out then hand her plan B letter to start the dark plan B. Why ? you are starting to have problem containing your anger and keep the withdrawal of your LB$ for her.

For now finish up plan A.

-rh-