How are you and what is up? You have been missing too long or have I been missing your posts?<P>You got that new TV set up yet? Shall we all come over and watch movies? My little boy and I watched Mrs. Doubtfire 3 times this weekend. He has a sore throat and a fever - and needing someone to cuddle with a little on the couch. I bawled my eyes out...<P>How are you? Cant get the new TV set up for WEBTV?

Hi TNT -<P>I'm back.......tried to stay away for a couple of days to clear my consuming focus on H - Worked a little bit.<P>Stopped in here once and that was when Animac got her papers....put me back in gloom. So begged off again.<P>I'm feeling a little more organized with my thoughts now, so I have to catch up with the workbook and my thread reply, etc.<P>I went and got the TV myself, set it up and hooked it to everything and it's good to go......no thanks to H.<P>My H took a spill on his motorcycle the other night.....and GOD HELP ME - I wished that he had cracked his head open!!!!!!<P>I was feeling really bad for thinking that and I prayed for forgiveness!!!<P>I just think that a severe trauma is the only thing that will reach him and make him the man he used to stand for.<P>He is just fine ......physically anyway.<P>How are you doing? Last I knew, things there were in a bit of an uproar.....are they better now?<P>Thanks for checking with me and I'll talk to you later.<P>Hugs, <P>Sheba

Like you, I've been trying to hold back the lovebusters with an empty lovebank. It gets frustrating.<P>Well, the good news is the 19 year old SD is coming out here on the 29th instead of the 26th. I found an ad in the local paper, looking for a housesitter from Nov. 1st to March 30th, so that is something good - she maybe can have her independence - and have us close by for support.<P>The 16 year old SD situation is no change, but Auntie Pooh has been helping me with the prayer situation. I think it is my hostility towards my husband that keeps my patience so thin.<P>My 6 year old had a fever this weekend off and on, and on Sunday night his throat looked pretty red. I kept him home from school today, but his fever was down and his activity level was up - so I'm taking him to school tomorrow. He is such a sweetie. He's been eating oatmeal, applesauce and sherbert for a couple of days! He is a weird kid, most kids hate oatmeal, but mine calls it porridge (like in the 3 bears?) and he asks for it 3 or 4 times a week! <P>His dad is shorter than me, so he notices it, and asks me if he will be tall. I always would tell him it is good to learn right from wrong, because that helps you grow tall. Tonight he said, "mom, that really has nothing to do with being tall!" It cracked me up.<P>On the way to school tomorrow (If the fever is really gone) I will talk about my idea of tall. Tall is knowing right from wrong to me, and has nothing to do with size!<P>You know, I remember when I was single - and I had a cable box, VCR, TV, stereo, nintendo, and all that stuff. I felt like a pretty hi-tech single mom 15 years ago. I hated having to figure out how it all hooked up together. I color coded with markers and stickers how it all hooked up, so when I changed the furniture we didn't have to go without TV for a month...!!! I felt pretty good about being independent. Do you kinda feel that way?<P>I also felt proud because the little house that I bought for me and the 3 kids, was a fixer upper. We used tons and tons of joint compound and sanding paper, textured our paneled walls (looked like drywall after we were done), and had a big yard to mow. The kids and I would work our little butts off on Saturdays, and for a reward on Saturday nights was Bob's Big Boy or the stock car races. It was a fun time for us. <P>I spent more money in bicycle repairs than I did in car repairs! I drove a little Toyota Corolla that wouldn't die. Those were some of my sweetest times, remembering how I learned how to survive all on my own.

Hi Sheba,<P>So it is your anniversary next week. How are things going for you? I feel your strength, but I feel it leaving you. I don't know why, but I've been concerned about you lately.<P>So, please - tell me how you REALLY are, okay?<P>My husband's out of town today and tomorrow. It feels nice - like a welcomed relief. I'm taking my 6 year old to a coffee shop for dinner tonight - whenever he gets in from riding his bike. We said we were going to have a little fun, being's how dad's away. <P>

Hi TNT -<P>A good example of non-brain function is the fact that I didn't even realize that you had come back here and posted after my response!!!! What does that tell you!!!<P>I'm sorry.......let me address that post first.<P>I read your thread about the lovebusters/lovebank problem.....Didn't have much to add. I think that because my loveband has been empty for so long now that it doesn't effect my no lovebuster goal.....does that make sense?<P>I'm glad you saw the housesitting job for SD....that's great!!! Could be the perfect setup, as long as she doesn't have too much company there or anything.<P>Auntie Pooh is great (and Deb, too!!) - we really need those prayers!!!<P>I'm sorry to hear that your son was sick, he's doing better now? The "short or tall" reasoning - kids really do say things that just crack you up, don't they!! And they're so sincere!!!<P>Thanks for the tv, house and car stories....they help!!! I was basically married to myself for the past two and 1/2 years, so I have gotten used to being here alone!! H didn't do anything except mow the lawn in the summer and help me tarp out the leaves into the woods from the yard. Other than that he was basically gone!! <P>The only thing he did when here was watch tv - now part of his justification to himself is that I just like to sit and watch tv and am obsessed with taping. He worked 4-12 and asked me to tape the primetime shows that we liked so we could watch them when he's home!! that and the fact that he wouldn't do anything else with me combined to give me no choice but to sit here with him and watch TV......it was the only time we were together!!!!! The jerk!!<P>Anyway, that's for the previous post of yours. On to this new one......I think you'll be sorry that you asked!!! LOL!!<P>I am not doing too well TNT.......With the H whack-a-doodling like he is and that we haven't said anything about the happenings in our marriage the last few years,and the fact that it's like I am just supposed to accept this divorce quietly........I am just lost!!!!!<P>I feel like I am on a tiny deserted island and I just keep walking around the perimeter of it waiting and looking out to sea for a glimpse of H coming for me.......Then when H starts with his calling and coming over, it's like I can see him coming to get me in a boat.<P>Then he won't call or come around when he says he will and it's like he almost reached me in that boat and all of a sudden he turned it around and gunned the engine to get away as fast as he could!!!<P>So I go back to walking around the perimeter.....constantly searching and getting nowhere!!!<P>I can't even reach out for him, except to say that I love him and don't want a divorce......do you know how "old" that is getting at this point!!!! It's even starting to have no meaning to me!!!!<P>I need more!!!! <P>The letter that I put together on here - I have that and have written about 20 others!!!! I have so much inside and I can't let it out!!! Not to him and he's the one that it's for.......<P>I haven't heard from the shark lady lawyer at all!!! So there's another limbo.....I have bills that neither H nor the shark lady seem to care about!!<P>I can't concentrate on anything!! Everything I try to do or read or think about gets muttled cuz something I need to say to H pops in my head.<P>I took the 29th thru Oct. 13th off from work because it's my anniversary and then my birthday and I can tell by the way I am now that I will not be doing well during this time......<P>I can't even go away anywhere!!!<P>I am contemplating putting some stuff together for H for our Anniversary and I am afraid to do even that much incase he perceives it as a lovebuster!!! I have to acknowledge our Marriage and our Wedding Anniversary!!!!! <P>I hate this!!!!! <P>When I read you REALLY wanting to know - I just burst into tears!!!! <P>I am so frustrated.....I am almost 38 years old, married and soon to be divorced from a man that I love with every fiber of my being, can't earn a decent living, haven't had sex in over 2 years and I CAN'T TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!!<P>I'm back to not sleeping or eating right, Diarhea, throwing up, crying and my sense of humor is disappearing again to boot!!!<P>And it's all because I have to keep everything inside.........<P>Oh, TNT.......... I'm sorry!!!<P>Thank you for letting me get that much out!!!!<P>I have to get off this island!!!<P>Hugs and God Bless You for caring!!<P>Sheba<P>

What an analogy about what your feelings are like. <P>I understand completely. This the thread for you getting it out. I sensed that you are losing your strength, and want you to know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you.<P>I don't even know what it is I am supposed to say to you, but maybe I'm supposed to listen. <P>{{{hugs}}}<P>Lots of them for you, Sheba.

Thanks TNT -<P>You're a wonderful person.<P>Hugs to you also,<P>Sheba

Sheba<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>I just saw this thread and I'm so sorry you are so down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>Limbo land is so awful!!!!!!!!!!<BR>Know that I'm praying for you. <BR>You are the greatest and I don't know why your H doesn't see that.<BR>Take care!!!!!

I'm here too, Sheba.<P>It's not you...it's him...and he's losing more than he'll ever find in this lifetime.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Sheba, <P>I hurt so much for you. You have so much to give and a boob of a husband (not that boobs are a bad thing - you know what I mean).<P>Sheba, I can only believe that if your husband doesn't come back soon he truely will loose the best thing to cross his path in this lifetime. Unfortunately for him, he may not realize it until the line of hunks knocking on your door stretches as far as the eye can see. Then it's "Back of the line buddy!!!" Cause a lady like you is indeed a gem to be cherished.<P>Your day will come. And the man who catches your eye (be it your H or someone else) will be a very lucky man.<P>SHA

Thanks you guys.......<P>I do feel a little better just getting that much out!!<P>WS - Thank you and a SUPER BIG HUG to you ....I must apologize to you!!<P>I realized that I was quite testy on your thread the other day - I didn't mean to be!!!! I suppose it is my own frustrations bubbling up and over. <P>That is no excuse for my rudeness to a person who has been so caring to me.<P>I AM SORRY...Please forgive me....<P>Thank you for still being so caring to me in spite of my self absorbtion.....<P> <BR>FHL - Thank you for being you!!!<P>I wish that he would realize what he is doing.....not just the throwing me away part but moreso the throwing away of the good part of himself!!!<P>SHA - Jeeesshh, but don't you know how to make a girl feel good!!!! Boy, when you set out to learn something....you don't fool around do ya? You have this stuff down pretty good there, mister!!!<P>Thank you so much SHA!!!!<P>I don't know about the hunks at the door part.......I seem to be a magnet for problem men!!!!<P>That's only in real time.....my cyber life is actually the first glimpse of "real" men that I think I have ever had!!!!!! And you're one of 'em at the top!!<P>Hugs to you all,<P>Sheba

OK, Sheba,<BR> I say we hunt him down and do a brain transplant. If we could get SHA, Chris, Rob, Wex, and several of the other men to donate a little "grey matter" and then we will clone perfet husband brains from the mix and viola, all problems solved.<BR> I'm sorry, I shouldn't try to make jokes right now. I know you hurt, and you know you should come here to let those things out. We are your friends and we love you, we understand. You have to stop and think about Sheba now. You are hurting so bad, and yet here you are reaching out to us. I wish I could make all the pain go away, I really do.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sheba}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

No Deb -<P>It's OK!!! I NEED the jokes!!!<P>I NEED to smile and laugh!!! That is sometimes all it takes to get me on track with myself......<P>Thanks for your kind words and I love you folks too!!<P>I really love the brain matter idea!!!!<BR>Don't think the "real" men would go for it though.....they need all they have to be able to deal with all this mess!!!<P>Maybe after all is well..........LOL!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Hi Sheba,<BR>Just had a moment to skim this thread and don't have much time to respond but wanted to let you know that you and your situation are in my prayers.<P>Something you said really disturbed me. The part about not having sex in 2 years....WOW. In this day of modern technology there is no reason you have to go so totally without. Orgasms release all kinds of nice hormones and chemicals in your system which could help you get through your other pains and frustrations. Don't you have a toy?<BR>Think of it this way. If you learn to do for yourself something you have depended on someone else to do for you, you are free from that dependence! Not only that, but you may find out the "NOBODY DOES IT BETTER!"<BR>With that thought in mind the fact that you have been missing the intimacy of this experience with you H for so long will be just that, a fact. Who needs him? and What is all the fuss about anyway? It is just a physical reaction to stimualtion of nerve endings that are sometime neglected. When/if you do finally get together again in that way, whether with him or someone else, perhaps the experience will not have so much importance that you place more value on the experience than the other elements of what makes a relationship thrive. Heck, who knows maybe demystifying the experience will allow you the freedom to approach your H to play the game just for the fun of it. Is that possible? Seems like that is the way it worked for me with my H when we were going through his withdrawal and I really was so mad and hurt by him. I shut off the part of my brain that was hurt and in pain, and just let the sensations take over. That is what happens with a toy, too. Just let the sensations take over. The result is that the chemicals released in your system seem to reduce stress, increase a feeling of peace and even euphoria. <P>Gosh, can't believe I addressed this idea on the forum. Wonder if there will be a bunch of ****'s when it posts. But hey, guys have known this secret for a long time!<P>HOpe this does not offend anyone.

Sheba<BR>You were testy?<BR>Went right over my head!!!!<BR>Don't you ever apologize to the likes of me about being testy. <BR>That thread did wonders for me from all of you.<BR>Now I am worried about you!!!!<BR>I am glad to see you writing. I haven't had much time to look through things here so I will sit down at your other thread after I get myself organized. I am really interested in your ideas I think the article thing is agreat idea!!!<BR>you are doing something you enjoy for yourself. Sounds good!!!!

Sheba, <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>....you don't fool around do ya?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I like fooling around <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...I seem to be a magnet for problem men!!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>If they could only see what we see. Your knight in shinnig armour is still trying to get on his horse - hold on!!!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>.....my cyber life is actually the first glimpse of "real" men that I think I have ever had!!!!!! And you're one of 'em at the top!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You make me blush - thanks for making my day!!!<P>Deb - <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If we could get SHA, Chris, Rob, Wex, and several of the other men to donate a little "grey matter" and then we will clone perfet husband brains from the mix and viola, all problems solved.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>When you say grey matter, do you mean brains or hair? As Freud once said, "I rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy."

Oh Boy, Pilot's Wife.......<P>My face is red and burning hot and I'm giggling like the little 12 yrs of Catholic School girl that I was!!!!<P>Jeeeeezzzz......You're gonna get me in trouble here!!!!! <P>Let's just say that no appendages have fallen off and I am not blind - so the nuns were wrong about that!!!!!<P>That part of it is fine for quick release and self discovery....which BTW has been like Columbus!!!!<P>What I NEED is FLESH...hugs, kisses, a warm body, relearning how to "make-out", etc....OK - nuff said.<P>Thanks for worrying about me with that though!!!<P>WS - You're too kind and I'm glad that the thread helped you. The writing - yeah, it was needed to get my mind on something else.....<P>SHA -<P>YOU"RE CRACKING ME UP!!!! Thanks, cuz I REALLY need it!!!!<P>Why is my knight still TRYING to get on his horse?? Don't tell me that he has a problem already!!!!!! SEE - I told you!!<P>Hugs to you all,<P>Sheba

Just checking in for a moment...be back later. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.<P>Things OK here, but I unloaded on H (mild by most people's standards and he looked at me like I lost my mind and just kept saying...I DO love you...I am happy with you) out of the blue today. So he took a nap and I took a walk and read my book on I Corinthians 13 and I felt better. He was questioning a match up I wanted to make because they don't like to do the same things. I then told him there was more to life than doing things...like emotions and feelings...etc...and if that was all that was important to him, then I could not be. ( I try to keep up with him, but he likes sports that involve risking ones limbs)<P>Anyway I wondered where that came from...like a squall on a calm day.<P>I do think I need to get closure on a few items, maybe I'll talk to you about it later.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi FHL -<P>Thanks for thinking of me!!<P>Please, do get back to me - where did that come from with H?<P>Let's find out!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba-<P>My prayers are with you. I hope things straighten out.<P>I liked the gray matter idea. If there is any left i know someone else who could do with a sample of the "real men" we have here.<P>SHA- Nice to see you again. We have missed you. Haven't had a party since you left.<P>God bless