question for BS out there.
how do you control angry outbursts at your WS and still speak to them?

i.e. My wife fell asleep on the couch this evening.. during that time the OM IM'ed her cell phone. (and of course I read it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )
There was nothing bad.. but she told me they are going to stop IM, emailing.. and talking to each other outside of work. and of course they are not.
When she woke up I was extremely angry and she could tell by the look in my face.
She said, "What's wrong with you? look like you got ran over by the truck."
I made up some lie about work and told her I had to go in early because of work issues.
I knew if I told her the real reason I would get more irate.. big LB!!
So again.. what do everyone else do when emotions are too hight to talk to WS in a calm matter?

I think you made a mistake.
When she asked you what was wrong you needed to tell her the truth: You find that the OM was still emailing her. She is not a mind reader. You must have honesty in your discussions. In addition, there must be consequences to her actions. It is simply foolish not to tell her why you were upset.

Honesty honesty honesty Maybe she didn't know OM was IMing her. Maybe she does. The truth may be a LB but it is still the truth. Be true to yourself. Tell her what you saw.

BTW with my WH, I call this kind of anger a reaction to his actions. In your case a reaction to OM's actions. You should be angry. I don't know what the messag was but maybe OM is addicted to contact too.

OK... I'll confess the truth to her in the morning.. I mean how can I expect her to tell me the truth when I can't do it myself? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Damn.. I hate it when I'm in the wrong <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I guess my problem has always been I get too emotional to say anything.. afraid I'll say something I don't mean at all.. then when I calm down.. I don't want to deal with it any more.
(nice thought to bring up to IC I guess) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
thanks

Repeat after me:
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
"I control my anger, it does not control me"
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MIF

You might get a headache after all that reciting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So try the step back and do a couple deep cleansing breathes..... you know like they teach in lamaze classes....oops forgot....but they do teach the guys how to breathe also. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, if you don't know, just sit down comfortably, take a deep breathe, hold it for a count of 4 seconds, then release through your mouth in 4 short puffs saving a little for the end and push it out with a big puff. Clear those lungs. Now do it again but not more than twice. NO hyperventilating. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now relax. It is harder to LB at this time..... if you still can LB with power, then you are breathing wrong. LOL!!!

Anyway, just trying to calm you down a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.