Yeah I've started to have the same thoughts about finding someone that would take care of me for a change. Although I haven't entertained those thoughts much, they just seem to creep up on me. That scares me. I already know I'll be okay without WW. So the only thing keeping me here is my obvious love for her (deep somewhere) and God.

MIF, I too thought of myself as a christian but obviously I wasn't acting like one. You don't have to go to church to talk to god. Just crack open the good book and talk with him. But yes getting help from the church is definately going to help you. I'll get down from my pulpit now thank you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Evening gentlemen,

MIF,

OK...no one can make you want something, but at least accept that your present feeling may be transitory. Therefore, make all contact prior to the plan B fit within the Plan A framework. You don't have to like it, just do it. Then when you give the plan B letter you can turn away from the actions you now find so distasteful.

Right now the anger, or I guess presently the ambivalence, towards your wife prevents you from considering reconciliation unless she conforms to a minimum level of honesty..

By leaving an impression of a soft place to land, you will be in a better spot to re-evaluate it down the road. A time after you have experienced the separation and the absence of your daughters from your home. I just don't think you need to burn the bridges yet, or at least don't give your WW the impression you have.

BTW the problems you describe in your marriage can obviously lead to disaster. They are fairly common, I think, in longer term marriages especially when shift work and 3 children are involved. It sounds fairly similar to my situation.

In the meantime, I suggest you research family lawyers and get some recommendations from some of the prosecutors and defense lawyers you rub shoulders with. With 3 children, a SAHM and a no fault state, it could be very expensive. Please ask about the ramifications of leaving the marital home as well.

binder,

Ok, I am only leaving the house under a court order which my WW is seeking. If she gets it, I will leave. That should not hurt my D too much since it is a court order. I agree, I should plan A until that point.

Last night and today, I have been having a relapse. I do wish my WW would come around and we could work on this (MIF = doormat). I know that I do not need her. I will survive this and be okay. I thought I did not want her, but now feel I may be just trying to convince myself of that.

MIF = confused <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MIF?:
Last night and today, I have been having a relapse. I do wish my WW would come around and we could work on this (MIF = doormat). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Doormat??...nothing I've read indicates that. Indicisive...sure, but regarding the huge effect this decision has on so many lives in so many ways...it should not be taken lightly. There are so many things and people to consider. Having second thoughts about divorce does not equate with doormat behavior. I could give you doormat lessons by relaying some of my pathetic actions after Dday. I have to now forgive myself too.

Folks here will tell you plan A might make you feel like a doormat, but if done properly it does not resemble being a doormat. I think you can still maintain your requirements to heal a marriage ie. confession but you may have to wait to get to that point. Make it the goal rather than the starting point.

Binder, maybe you are right. I just feel like a doormat because I am allowing my WW to run around with an OM and still want her back. I mean what message does that send other than, "My husband will take me back no matter what I do. I can have my boyfriend and my husband is such a doormat he'll still take me back."

MIF

Mif - have you been impatient all your life? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

This is your problem. This is more of a problem right now than OM is to your marriage.

The very best thing you can do for the next couple of weeks is nothing. Do nothing with an emphasis on not doing love busters. And avoid that counselor.

You'll be money ahead.

In the meantime the affair with Mommy's boy will continue on its course. The best way to fight it is to not interfere with it.

WAT

<small>[ December 27, 2004, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

I never thought of myself as impatient, but I see I am really impatient with this situation. I hate my life right now. I want this pain to end, so yeah, I am impatient.

MIF