I swear he tries to make me feel like Im crazy. Tells me I said and did things that I KNOW I didn't do. Rewrites history. FOG talk up the ying yang. I really need to go into plan B for my own mental health, but Im afraid. I know he is going to freak out and drag our son into the madness.

Sometimes everything seems to be improving, than BAM! He is insane again. We had made Christmas plans. Originally he would have Christmas Eve, returning son that night. Then he weasels into my Christmas, tells son he will spend the night with us and spend Christmas with us. This week he asks me if he could take son on Christmas day for a few hours. To his Mom's with OW. No. Not happening. I will not be excluded from Son on Christmas. Im not being fair. Im trying to keep him from son. Its all about me. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. H has been trying to play it cool until tonight. I think OW is starting to panic at the thought of him spending Christmas with me. Tonight he brought it up again. I calmly repeat my mantra about not being excluded. He repeats his crap. Then says,well I have to spend atleast one of the days with my g/f. I told him, that was his choice. Just not with my son on Christmas. He then drops his Fog bomb, "well, how about she joins us on Christmas Eve at my familys party" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Thats when I lose it. I get out of control and say what a stupid idea it is. He wants to know why.Becuase I will punch that b*tch in the face if I see her. I hate her and always will. He gets the smugest look on his face. My tantrum proving once again, that it is all me and my issues that cause everything. (btw, we are at sons sport class at this time, not being loud but all the same) I walk out to get myself in control. I call my friend and vent, she calms me down and assures me I am not insane. After class we walk out to car like nothing happened. Son and I drive away and he calls wanting to discuss it again. I am at gas station and talking outside of car, he suddenly freaks, "where is S? You always do this to him" I tell him son is in car, he tells me to call him after son goes to bed to discuss.

I am at my wits end. He keeps telling me we can never work it out. He keeps telling me it is all my fault. She is still living with him. He pays more to support her than he does his son. He pays for extras and calls it support. I am afraid to take it a step further. I have become a pathetic doormat. I have become a pathetic nothing. He is always asking for son to spend the night, OW can take care of son until he gets home from work. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. There I go keeping him from our son again. He is beating me down into a huge nothing.

Its so hard. Sometimes he is the man I married. The man I love and adore. My sons father whom I want to spend my life with. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I really cant do this anymore, but Im too afraid and weak to go to plan B.

Im begging you guys....2x4 city please. Lemon? Ark? Pep? Orchid? please.

Cookie,

The WS is already freaking out and you are in plan A. What else do you expect. Plan B will keep you from more pain. YOu will have some pain but not as much as you are currently experiencing.

Almost like you have to trust us on this point but I know the inner fear of letting go.

re: Plan B could put your child in more contact with the OW.

Reaction: Do a background check on the OW. If you can in any way report that she is not safe, then you can negogiate visitation requiring the OW not be present. If he breaks that he loses visitation grounds.

He wants his cake and eat it also. He wants to spend time with his son to appease his guilt. Ask him such. If he balks then tell him what is in your son's interests. If he balks at that, then tell him he is showing that he is only doing this to appease his guilt and in time if not already, his son will know.

At 7 years old, your son already is picking up a lot. Mine did.

Use that to your advantage. Now get started and let's see what you can find. Remember DUI, outstanding warrants, charges of abuse or domestic violence, etc...... c/b useful.

L.

cookies -

No. You are not crazy. That is the typical way that WS's try to snow you. But you must calm down. It does no good to get all berzerko. So breathe deep and get a hold of yourself.

Plan B is very peaceful and comforting. Please believe me. But first you need to do a great Plan A. Have you done that?

I have doing a plan A. It has been really good for the most part. There are a few slips ocassionally. My original plan was for plan A to last until New Years, then move on to plan B. But as the date gets closer Im freaking out inside.
I have thought about exposing all his reconciliation talks to OW, but she probably wouldnt believe me. I dont know the spelling of her last name to do any sort of a search, but I will work on that this week. Im sure it cant be to hard to figure out. Hopefully I can find something...anything....

MMMMMMMM MMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM MMMMMMM ( my meditation attempts....MMMMMMMMMMMMM

Cookies,

Exposure to the OW is usually useless. A few have had an OW with a conscience but most do not have the advantage.

If the OW knows the WS is married, then your thoughts on this matter are wasted.

Basically, she doesn't give a rat's azz.

So plan B for you. NOT the WS. You don't care what effect plan B will have on the WS. If you don't do it, your survival as a BS is at stake.

L.

exactly how much contact does son have with OW...

girlfriend as he calls her...gag puke hurl...bleeeeeeeechhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK I feel better now...

how much contact does seven year old have to her...

lets start there..

ark

Well, OW lives with H. So, son sees her every other weekend. H picks son up from school sometimes and will take him to his house for dinner/whatever. OW of course is shmoozing her way into my 7 year olds life.

I feel like I have let it go way too far. WTF was I thinking ever letting him spend the night with OW in the house. H is able to make me think the sky is purple when it is clearly blue.

Do the background check. Start there.

L.