OMG I am fuuuuuming right now......*sigh* ok everythign was great...last week visitation was great and STBX and I went shopping together for our DS for x-mas....well he said he didn't have alot of money to buy stuff for our son for x-mas...well after that I didn't hear from him...I had informed him there was a scheduling conflict with visitation this week and tog et back to me with what he wanted to do he said OK....well this week I hadn't heard from him and he hadn't been online...so I emailed him...no response...emailed again...no response....then I had a funny dream that he was on the main street in disneyland watching the light parade and snow white was singing someday my prince will come.....well then today rolled around with still no response...I called his cell it was turned off....I was getting worried and called his work and his co-worker told me he hadn't been in all week....well this worried me it's not like him to up and leave...and he has threatened at least once a month in his fits of rage that he would commit suicide....then a little birdie told me..and said "now don't tell him i told you and please don't get on his case about it"....he took his $#@&*^% B*^%# to disneyland...he hasn't been paying childsupport but he pays our bills and for day care and always complains about being broke...so how the F&%$ can he afford to go to disneyland....and then not tell us and make himself unavailable...I hate him so much right now....both him and her...I really wish they would both go away and leave us alone because allt hey cause is pain and heartache.

<small>[ December 23, 2004, 09:00 AM: Message edited by: surviving in his wake ]</small>

Surviving,

Hon, let it all out. It hurts like crazy, I know. This kind of crap is so common it is disgusting.

See, he is definitely in Plan "M" right now... "Me. Me. Me." Everything is about HIM and HIS FEELINGS and HIS NEEDS. Not even the needs of their own children will come before a crazy spouse who is actively engaged in PLAN M.

You have to try and let this go. It is par for the course. Disgusting, yes. Without a doubt this is scummy. But this is not your Husband we're talking about. It is the alien who has taken over his body.

Try to accept that he is going to keep doing these scummy things. Address the issues calmly that need to be addressed without LBs because LBing won't do any good anyway. You can say, "I was surprised to learn you went on a trip and I was concerned that the bills weren't going to be paid. But I am sure you thought about that and have a plan for paying the bills now."

No accusations, no finger pointing. Just get it out in the open that you know about his trip and now you are concerned about business, the bills. He'll expect you to scream and yell and guilt him for letting his son take second place. Don't do that. He'll do that to himself eventually.

Focus on yourself and your son today. Don't let WHs stupidity ruin everything for you and your son. Take care of each other.

~ Snow

well I personally don't care about him it's the fact that he lied to me regarding things about our son....1 no money for presents *gee wonder where it went*...and he didn't even tell us he was going and didn't call at all regarding visitation....I know it sounds bad as far as i am concerned they can both go burn in hell......he in his rage induced fog talk was threatening to marry OW after the divorce is final to force me to let her see my son....I am almost tempted to ask if he asked her in disneyland....see he is so unoriginal because he asked me to marry him there....but everything he has done with her are almost down to the T is exactly what we did together it's like he's recreating our memories but substituting her where I was...I am going dark I think.....I haven't called him at all...he keeps trying to contact me....but I somehow don't get the messages >.>....seems my cell phone has been out of service for a few days. Guess thats what happens when I drop it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> no worries tho...maybe santa will buy me a new one....if not then oh well....

I noticed in your Sig that you were a WW for one day. IMO it doesn't make a difference if it was 1 day or 1 year, you still betrayed him.

Sorry, just my honest opinion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Hope everything works out for you.

Yes I made a mistake and I admited that a long time ago....But I came back and wanted to work things out....he told me to find a marriage counselor...I did...he made many promises of what we could work on and ultimatly decided against them all....trust me I'm not the only one who did wrong....he has his fair share of things as well....including ex-girlfriend problems

I realize he made many promises but he may have made them in good faith and now has a change of heart.

My wife claims to be in an EA, if it is a PA I'm not sure I want to stay in this marriage.

I think it is much harder for a man to forgive a PA, just my opinion.

BTW, did your husband have an affair before you did?

there have been hints to it and very inappropriate situations (at least I thought they were) with his ex-girlfriend that he brushed off and excused as nothing more than soemthing friendly...but I have no proof...but he has always had an attatchment to her he would never sever....even his family members told him it was wrong....but he said...i don't do that to friends and she is my friend...and then when I would talk to him to let him know I was uncomfortable with her...he would go tell her what I said...and then her and I just developed this hate/hate relationship.....sooo in the end I still don't know what happened between them if anything....but my gut feeling tells me there was more....and the fact that my husband kicked my son and I out and went out on his first date with his mistress the same day....then also that time spent our money to join her on her business trip 2 weeks later...tells me his morals are pretty screwed up....he has threatened suicide many times and I do feel scared for him....I have told him to seek professional help and he has refused....apparently he is getting help from his mistress's church..when he goes....which isn't alot...

That "Suicide" talk is all CRAP according to Steve Harley.

I called SH in desperation because my wife kept talking about suicide. SH said most people who commit suicide Don't talk about it.

SH said she is using this suicide talk as Leverage

I told her I wasn't going to put up with her suicide talk anymore. I said "if you commit suicide then I'll follow several minutes later when I put a bullet thru my head. Then our children will be orphans, so if that's want you want for our children let me know so I can at least leave a set of instructions to your sister so I can tell her where all my brokerage, savings accounts, etc... are so she can raise our children properly.

She has never mentioned it since that day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />