What did it take for you to finally give up on your spouse and realize it was over? I am losing it...sick to my stomach, can't eat, can't sleep...and he just keeps playing games with my emotions. I let myself be a total doormat as soon as I found out he found someone. I know I need to stop that, but it is so hard...fearing he will just get closer to the other girl if I pull away. But then again he might realize what we have (had) is so much more then what they have.

I am also shocked, by reading other posts on how common cheating is. It CAN happen to anyone.

Okay, so it happened to me too. But why did I have to realize how to make our marriage finally work and what we need to workout after he already gave up on us?

I am so emotional...thinking this is our last Christmas together. And with two young kids, having break downs every 5 minutes is not good.

Calm down hon. You are very early in this. I have been going through this for 2 years, and am just now giving up. In fact, I don't want my husband back anymore.

Stick with the MB program. Things will get better, I promise.

It took me about 3 months of lies, lies, and more lies. Continuous contact with OM and I have had it. As of 12-18-04 I gave up. Good luck to you, I hope it all works out for you.

MIF

wow only 3 months? were you having problems before that?

My husband talks to her a lot but not as much as I thought or thought someone would if they *loved* someone.

He hasn't really lied, he just doesn't talk. Plus, she lives a few states away so their is no contact.

My hubby is 25 and I am the only girl he has been with. I strongly believe that after NOT going to Iraq and being put in danger or even killed (b/c of his job) he is looking at everything from a different perspective. I even heard him telling friends that he wants to try to play football again if his back gets back. Sounds like he is just trying to do now all the things he feels he missed out on.

I just think missing out of your boys childhood is far more important...but it will have to take him hurting us before he sees that.

Well, I should have gone to plan B but instead did plan D. As a result I am satisfied that I have done all I can. My alien WW just looks me in the eyes and lies to me over and over again. I still don't know what is worse, the lies or her affair.

I still would be interested in salvaging this floundering marriage IF she takes the necessary steps which I have already laid out for her numerous times. She gave me a list of things she would expect from me, and there is nothing on there that I can not or would not do. I just am done expending energy on this marriage until SHE can show she is serious and willing to expend some energy on this herself. All along she has told me she wants this marriage to work, but done absolutely nothing to show she means it.

MIF?

Mine says it is over and it is too late and doesn't want counselling...BUT he acts differently. But I guess when you have the best of both worlds you would try to keep that going until you completely made up your mind what you wanted.

I am going to counseling by myself and I am glad for it. Funny thing is, is that everytime I have a session, guess who hubby calls? Yup! His lil girlfriend. I've noticed they wont talk for a few days (only contact is thru cell phone)and then once he goes out with his friends he will call her on his way home or after I have a counselling session. In fact, he didn't even take his ring off until the morning of my first counselling appt.

It is so hard not to blame yourself when things go wrong...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> just looks me in the eyes and lies to me over and over again. I still don't know what is worse, the lies or her affair.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am there right now and the lies are for sure the worst. I was dealing my best with the affair and was willing to work on the marriage but now, after find out about all the lies I am almost ready to give up. The lies are for sure the worst.

I think I agree. The lies are what keep me from wanting to work on this. I am at the point where I will let the OM deal with her lies.

MIF?

The funny thing is my WW gave me a list of things she would like from me should we get back together and work on this M and one of them is complete honesty. Can you believe that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

MIF?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MIF?:
<strong> The funny thing is my WW gave me a list of things she would like from me should we get back together and work on this M and one of them is complete honesty. Can you believe that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

MIF? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It should not have been a surprise to you. It is called fogesse. Quit listening to her words ... just observe her actions.

-rh-

Go to PLAN B before giving up. You are likely to be surprised by the outcome.