First off-I hope everyone has had a wonderful Christmas and it hasn't been to hard to deal w/. Mine has been ok-considering everything. Actually, it hasn't been very different from any other yr.
yesterday we did my aunt's house, my grandma, and then we went to WH family's. I went as well-I even got gifts. I felt very comfortable and everyone was happy to see me-I am very close to this family and it saddens me to think this may be the last yr I get to go there-but life goes on I guess.
Then me and the kids came home and WH followed. He stayed here last night-slept on the couch so he could be here for the kids in the morning. Then we did the whole "santa" thing and me and WH exchanged gifts. He left a few minutes ago to go see his mom and then tonight they are coming over here for a bit. me and the kids are getting ready to visit my parents. The only thing different this yr is us going in separate directions today.
I hated myself-but I started crying a bit today after the kids went down for a nap. WH asked me what was wrong and asked me to talk to him. He told me he was sorry and he hugged me. The he told me the usual "I'm not worth this....I am so sorry for this....maybe 2005 will be better for all of us" I told him I was sorry for crying and making him feel bad and he said "I deserve to feel bad-please don't cry anymore and have a good day" I tried so hard to wait until he left to cry and I am so mad that I didn't-I wanted to be strong!! I haven't cried in over a week but today just got to me I guess.
WH is still planning on spending the 31 w/ OW I suppose-gonna ring in the new yr w/ her I guess. That hurts quiet a bit-but why do I care?? I mean when he slept here last night I realized I didn't want him to-I wasn't at all comfortable around him and I fel myself looking forward to things getting back to normal and him being gone.
Anyway-hope everyone has a good day and I said a prayer for all the ones in this situation right now-God is watching over us! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
