I would like to save the marriage but she wants completely out. What should I do now?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HATE LOVE:
<strong> I would like to save the marriage but she wants completely out. What should I do now? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do nothing ... let her filed. If you can't stop LBing then it is better to stay away from her and leave her alone.

-rh-

Yeah, leave her alone. Try not to initiate conversations with her...no phone calls, voice mails, or emails. Its hard to do. I know. But talking to her will only make her mad & resent you more. She might feel you are trying to manipulate her. In a way you are, but not the way she expects. Leave her alone & go about your life. I would suggest changing or reventing yourself. Workout, buy new clothes with a new style, new haircut, hang out with friends, go places you've never gone to before.....etc etc etc....all to make a new you. Improve yourself.....read about this subject. Find out all you can about infidelity & affairs. Maybe even getting a PI to follow her. But dont contact her at all. Let her initiate it. She wants control...let her think she has it.

I can't sleep, I am still thinking about my wife that treat me like no body. For her she is trying to erase me completely. I guess this is it for me as usual feeling down again. I will stay away from her and let her do what she want, I am just scared that I might become WS.

HL -


I know exactly how you feel...I just found out my WW is going to be moving into an apartment - not close to the hospital (she's a resident) like she had to have when we first moved here, but about an hour away - right near the OM!

She has asked me for a D, but not filed yet. I expect to see some papers after the 1st of the year. I am staying away from her as much as possible....letting the A die a natural death.

I have so wanted to go out and find a GF, just to plug the hole, but you and I both know that the R will be unsatifying, and will only guarantee the death of your M. Like the others said, work on you....start working out, traveling, having fun, or something....

I know this is easier to say than to do. I am having trouble getting motivated to go out and live as if I am single, too. But if you make you happy, then your WW will start to notice, and it will increase your chances that she will drop the OM sooner.


TM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HATE LOVE:
<strong> I am just scared that I might become WS. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are gurantee to be WS if you keep dumping your emotion to those girls ... stay away from those too. Again, they have their own problem to deal with.

Call me later when u can. There are many healthy things you can do. However you have to plan it out.

-rh-

Hi,

I am in the same situation. We filed in July while we were separated. I moved out and she stayed. During the time apart, she found OM without telling me about it. I heard it from a friend about her relationship and I confronted her about it.

Before I found out about the OM, she said that we are thru. She just say the typical stuff "out of love", only "care" for me, yada yada yada. She pushed me to go back to where I was living before, in another state (TX)S. At that time, she didn't tell me about the OM. The following week after telling me this, the OM was eating dinner at the house. Really really hurt by this.

Now, I don't contact her except for the occasational email about bills. I avoid all driving by, talking to her mom and dad. The reason that I avoided all these things is because there is nothing but hurt waiting for me there. I don't want to see the other guy, I don't care until we have a chance to talk.

The D paperwork should be done in January. I am waiting for it to finalized. However, I am caught in between b/c no matter what, I think about her every day. My question is 1) how do I know the A still exist? 2) when is the right time to contact my W. And yes, I did the "begging" thing.

I kinda accepted that she is gone. I try to keep busy and make myself happy, I try to make new friend(s) by going out.

FYI.. does the WW typically look like crap if she is in a A? She looks horrible as she must have lost 15- 20 lbs when I saw her about a month ago when I pick up the 'dog'.

But for all out there who are going thru somthing similarly, it does get better with time. I felt sucidal during that time. I was AD for a couple of days but got off it b/c it was messing me up.
Just try to stay busy, Dalton Dad.. take care of your self man. It will get better <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Thanks,

FYI,

When we were going thru the Divorce paperwork, the intention was that I take the time to get my act toghether by getting help. During that time, She fled. When she found OM, I was given the heave-ho.

Thanks,

She didn't filed for the divorce, I just can't stand her everytime I see her. Because she always yelling at me and we end up fighting. I still love her, and my daughter usually ask why Mommy always say she don't love me anymore? And why Mommy got a boy friend? I don't know what to say... My marriage is over and nothing else I can do about it. It's just hard to let go 11th years being together.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HATE LOVE:
<strong>... and my daughter usually ask why Mommy always say she don't love me anymore? And why Mommy got a boy friend? I don't know what to say... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would tell my D that this is adult problems and she could ask you later when she is growing up. However she could choose to ask her mom to find answer.

Again if you can't hold your anger you should take a break from her and do healthy things while waiting for your anger to calm down.

watch out ...2x4 ...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>My marriage is ... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ... do you have "Dissolution of M" yet ?. You have not even being served yet !.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>... and nothing else I can do about it.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ... you have been sugested by many and I am included. You can't or you won't ? We have told you not to take her words personally ... if you can't you should stay away from her. You want your W back ... then do plan A ... if you can't, that is fine but you have to stay away from her for now.

She is in the fog you get sucked right into it along with her ... by listening to her.

-rh-

Today she called me on my cell just to hear my voice I guess. She is asking if I called my daughter cell this morning, She called me from my daughters cell phone. I went back to my old post and realize that I have to leave her alone for some reason I forget the good advice from everyone else. Thank you for your patience, I just keep loosing my mind every time. My pain override my mind and decision, Lately I stay away from Nquil too, I work out a lot and get my self tired before going to bed.

Anyway Thank you for your patience….

<small>[ December 27, 2004, 02:23 PM: Message edited by: HATE LOVE ]</small>

HATE LOVE,

Plan A is an attempt by BS to end A w/o Angry Outbursts, judgemental, unreasonable demand ... etc, basically no LBs.

You have done exposure ... that is good.

If you could stay away from LBs, you would come way ahead already. I have confident in you that you could do plan A ... a good plan A.

However you need a plan !. We could talk some more later. My office is closed the whole week & I have no kids this week, so I am gooffing off the whole week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

I am doing house chores and going to movies ... later I would go to the city to eat at my favorite Indian restaurant.

-rh-