I let my husband have his Christmas and still the next day, back to where we were... a little history: I do Christmas eve and Christmas day every year... my family and his come over on the eve and his on the day...WH has been out of the house 8 of the last 10 weeks... so, he shows up Christmas eve at 4:30 has a lovely time... leaves shows up Christmas morning 7:30 has a wonderful day, hepled out... leaves again at 8:00 pm the... before he left I asked him if I would see him Sunday.. sure I'll be around is his reply.. Sunday comes no show. no phone call, no nothing... now I feel like kicking myself for giving him Christmas... we even exchanged gifts... nothing major, just nice small things..
I am ready to start plan B. How do I start? what should the letter say??? I know I can do it.. it just took time to releize it... the more he upsets me the stronger I get...

NPT, do you have kids?

yes, 3 kids, 19, 17, & 13. I am just feeling like this guy is such a cake eater... even said on Christmas morning that he had hope to pull in the driveway and find a new car with a big bow on it.My reply was that I hoped to wake up on Christmas morning and find him sleeping in my bed, so nither one of us got what we wanted...
We've been married 22 years and he won't talked to me about what it was that led him astray..

Can you give a little history. HOw long has the A been going on? Have you done a good plan A? Don't beat yourself up over Christmas, just know you did what you could for your kids to have a good time.

first signs of the A happened after someone left a message on ans. machine in August of 03... he denied, denined denied... then May of 04 he finally broke down and said he'd been sleeping with her since January.. He says its over but needs time to figure out what he wants (needs) to do. its been going on for so long he has been on the "fence" for months...
I have been accused of doing some very low down dirty things of which I have NOT done.
He's not the same person he was a year/18 months ago... yet I feel if he would just give us a chance, MC... maybe we could work our way back..
Understand that while he was out climbing the corporate ladder I thought I was the wings under his sails, we never fought, got along very well, had an ok sex life. ( always wanted more,) I was in charge of the house and kids along with a successful full time job myself.. little did I know he was climbing soneone else...
I have been treated like trash for the past year and maybe I was scared to be labeled "divorced"... but he has pushed me so far away...
I won't file.. if he wants out he's going to have to do the dirty work...At this point I don't even want him back in the house but would be willing to get together for counseling and maybe a date... but again he has to want it... right now I'am going dark.. it's all I can do at this point...

NPT, Have you written a plan B letter? Did you do a really good plan A? I know from your other posts that you feel like a doormat. I wonder if you could give me an idea of how your plan A went? Write a plan B letter and post it here. We will get feedback from other's for you that way. Plan B is to preserve your love for you H. Have you read Surviving an Affair or Torn Assunder or Love Busters? Are you working on yourself? That is really what plan A is about is working on changing the problems YOu brought to the M.

I am reading Torn Usunder now, I have not written a plan B letter, I thought I was doing a good plan A. I was very supportive, told him his family loved him very much, and we could work through this but he isn't sure if he wants to work through it... he knows he needs counseling but has yet to make an appointment. but maybe I begged him to come home to much, ten he came home for 2 weeks and I couldn't wait for him to leave, in those 2 weeks he just went back to his same wqays and made no effort to change I just need him to make a decision either work on the M (in or out of the house) or don't... he wants to go out and see if he likes living alone, being alone ( this was a man who never wanted to be alone).. then if he doesn't will decide if he wants to come back home.. well Iam not just going to sit here and wait... I did that all summer long... he said he'll decide after the holidays as to what he's going to do...
in the mean time Iam home with three wonderful kids several pets and a warm fire... it's his loss...
he has finally gooten on AD's hopefully that might clear some of thre fog..