Well it sounds like you have all your bases covered then. It is pretty nice that your H is honest with you and will tell you that he's dating and that he has called SH. I couldn't even get a grain of truth from my WW at this point.

So from the sound of things and your sig line that he has made no commitment of working on the M. So after the 15th, Plan B. Sounds like a good timeline.

Do you really think he'll be pulling the trigger in June?

Yes, native, I do. But I'll be prepared for it at that time, if he respects NC which I think he will.

Is there a possibility that he'll agree to my conditions? Sure..that's why this is a Plan B letter and not a goodbye letter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> After all, when he told me in Novemember that his feelings about the marriage were changing (he was more inclined to work on things) that came as a COMPLETE shock to me. I had thought it was the opposite...I had thought things were getting worse. So who really knows?

But that's what I'm tired of wondering.

PS
-I do feel that he loves me. He has shown and continues to show great disrespect towards me, but he also does loving things
-I do feel he'll miss our friendship greatly
-Possible he will still consult with SH after I Plan B.
-He may come to the conclusion that three months isn't all that much time to ask for a 100% commitment towards working on things. We agreed to divorce in June if things are not better...so it's not like this state of things will be forever. He maya see the value on working on things...dunno.
-There is one situation in which I see him trying to break contact. His parents live about 15 minutes from me and they are now the proud parents of our bigger dog <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> If he goes to visit them, I feel that he will try to come to my place to see me. That will be the hardest time for me to close the door on him.
-He doesn't like to continually hurt me. He has told me that he is glad that I've pushed him and am standing for our marriage, but that it's hard for him to understand why allow myself to be put in a vulnerable position. He will respect NC if he does not feel he can give me what I've asked for because he doesn't wish to hurt me anymore than he feels is necessary. That doesn't really sound quite right, but I think you get the gist.

maddyk,

You seem to be holding up really well? How do you do it?

I know my XH is seeing someone else and it is just killing me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am trying to reconcile with him but at this time he is in the fog. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Maddyk,

There seems to be a few positive signs sparsly thrown in all this garbage. I wish I had any of those, do you really think he'll follow through? You said yourself that you don't think it's over hence the Plan B not Plan See ya later.

I don't have any positives that I can see coming from my WW. However she's not really that mature, course your WH and my WW are the same age.

Native

sweethomenm , this has been going on for me for awhile. Holding up mostly because I feel good about this decision (Plan B) if he does not call counseling. Maybe it's a little bit of resignation about what is to come? None too small a fact either is that i know my life will be good with or without my husband, but I would truly like to share it with him. I can accept not sharing it with him.

as far as him dating others...well...he hasn't ACTUALLY dated anyone else yet so that helps..lol. His actual affair was awhile ago and that still bothers me, but it was almost two years ago. If he was actually dating someone, it would hurt me very much. I've been able to detach from him somewhat during our separation and that helps too.

native, yeah, I think so but yeah, there's still a possibility that my instincts are off 100% yet again! lol...And you're right, some might look at my marriage and say we have a better chance than most here at MB. I happen to agree, but also think my husband wants the guarantee and no one can give him that.

And native...I think "approaching 30" definitely has something to do with all of this. What I think is different in our situations is that your wife is VERY much fogged. My husband is fogged too...but is able to least understand INTELLECTUALLY certain things. Problem is that happiness at all costs things. He's willing to do that. He hasn't realized how high the price will be yet..neither has your wife. I see hope in your situation, but you've been dealt a lot of blows recently and I can certainly understand not wanting to wait for the other shoe to drop!

Maddy, I've read your letter several times. I think it's good. I think you could be tougher, maybe, but I'm awfully sleepy, so take that with a grain...

GC

GC, should there come a time when you can gather your thoughts about this I would love to hear what you have to say. How/Why you feel it should be tougher?

Maddy, here's a thought.

His brain is going to blow up into a million pieces as soon as he hits "I cannot visit with you".

So it's good you don't have much after that.

What I wrote last night, I don't feel that so much reading it this morning. I think it's good. Half as long would be good, but you have to say what you have to say. Sometimes you can shorten things without removing them - for example,

"If you must contact me regarding financial or legal matters, you may do this through email"

can be

"You may contact me regarding financial or legal matters through email".

I'd suggest as an editor that you try to tighten it up a bit in that regard, only because as your H reads the letter his brains are going to gradually turn into an overdriven tilt-a-whirl, and simpler sentences will ultimately have greater impact.

But don't sweat it too much; it's good. Your H's immediate reaction to it is not of the greatest importance anyway. What's important is that you communicate in a loving way that you're going to do it, and, more importantly, that you do it.

GC