holy heck dewt...
I did start reading the post you have running with loving boundaries and I said....
good god and good luck to her....
dewt you and dylan are the two people "I know" that spend sooo much time and energy and focused on the labels and on the past....that it is as if the only way you two can identify yourselves is as in what has gone on before...and what you want to happen in the future.....must be through the negative past filters...and nothing gets through those filters....
each of you spend each day waiting waiting waiting for something to happen that changes either the past or the present...
I'm scared to post to you...cause I don't want to sound frustrated or annoyed...but I am..!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
here's what i am scared to post...
and why I am scared is because it just feeds in to the both of living in the past....
I think that if you really want to go back and hash this whole history out...
then you must do this together in counseling...
and you both must be willing to let a lot of stuff go...stuff that you both cling to....
stuff that you cling to that is has known to you as your favorite pair of shoes...that you two are less involved with seriouse past issues...but more involved in using them to identify every thing that happens or will happen...
they have become both of your habits.
both of your comfort blankets...
hold tightly to the past....and it shuts out today and tomorrow.....
dewt wants to feel passionately loved by dylan..but clings so hard to that thought...that I am not sure he would even reconize it if she WERE to act that way...
dylan uses indecision as a decision and perhaps even a weapon at time.....
the question is for dylan..
why not act passionate even if and when you don't feel it...
why not just do it.....
believe me I think both of you walk around loaded for bear...though it may not be unleashed frequently.....
where and when will either of you start..
dewt can't work on the marriage without consent form dylan
dylan can't give consent....
oh vey.....
dylan should get a job just to afford a great counselor....
and not one willing to wallow in the past..but to deal with the here and now...
surely both of you have processed the past ad-nauseum...and surely as you see minidewt growing...each day...
how fast life passes us by...
surely you don't want to spend one more day in this he!!
I grow weary when you both reply..
you don't know what we have endured in the past
you don't know about the bad childhood
or the bad relationships...etc
I don't care....
people have and can and do survive horrific horrific things...
and if there is a real lesson in all the suffering is it not that life is even more enjoyable...and that much more a gift..
one to be celebrated each and every day...
holocaust survivors....ruwanda survivors..
iraqie survivors...theirs and others horrors are beyond our comprehension.....and yet the have found the best conquering of the past is to enjoy today...
with love, and compassion, and forgiveness and by letting go......
so I am reluctant to say these things...
cause they sound awful and mean and arrogant...
cause what the he!! do I know....
but you asked.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
and I "care" for you all.....
and i love Canada.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
and many many people on this board care about you two...
so are you sorry you asked....
ARK
