(((((((((((((((daltondad)))))))))))))))))))))

I am praying for you to get through this.

DD, forget how WE felt. Think about your kids and nothing else. March yourself to an emergency room now! Or call 911. Do it NOW!

Dalton Dad,
We're all in this together -- going through this crap together. And there ain't nothin' worse than what we've all -- you included -- have been going through.
We can all figure a way out of this. You can be helping all of us just as much as anyone else.
Remember that all this stuff that everyone's writing... it's not a bunch of goofy screen names -- it's a sh!tload of real people, on your side. Some going thru what you are, some going thru worse, and some have GONE thru it and come out the other end, wondering HOW they ever made it. But they did, and you and I will too.

This is in reply to if we knew how you felt we'd already be dead..........UNTRUE, as I said before, I have the scar on my wrist to prove it, just because I wasn't successful doesn't mean I wasn't and still don't get to the point where I'm feeling what you're feeling right now.

I know how despondent you feel, nothing matters anymore...I get it, but just talk to someone...it may seem stupid and trivial to talk to someone about something you've already decided to do, but sometimes just talking about it is enough.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

-Caren

Five reasons not to kill yourself.

1) What will it do to your family and friends?

Every person's death affects many people. Those most affected are those closest to them - friends and family. A suicide is even worse. Your family will feel terrible guilt that it was their fault, as well as normal sadness. Many families never recover from the effect of someone's suicide. If you destroy yourself, you may destroy your family too. Dalton Dad that's your innocent children, who blindly love & trust you, your own family.


2) Remember the past

When you are depressed, it is hard to remember the past, and how things were better. But think - there was a time when you were happier, when life was better, when life seemed worth living. Such a time can happen to you again. You were happy before any of this, you will be happy again


3) What is on the other side of death?

Every religion believes that there is still an existence after dying. Many people who have no religion also believe this is so. And almost everyone knows that there are bad things that may happen to us after dying, as well as the possibility of good things. This is a dangerous journey to take. How do you know what will happen to you after you die. If you are not sure, do not make the journey!


4) You have a purpose

All of us are placed on this earth for a purpose. To walk out of that is a terrible waste.


5) The most important reason of all

God made you. He loves you. He understands how you feel. When no one else understands how you feel, He does. He sent Jesus to die for you. He created you for a purpose. He can bring you through depression, or any other problem you may have. You do not need to be alone. He can help you in your loneliness.
God really wants to speak to you. It is as if He is saying:

"My dear one,
You are not alone. I am with you. I have loved you since before you were born. I was with you though all the hurt and pain. Only I understand how you feel inside. I am with you. I will go through this time with you. I can bring you through it. Ask Me to help you. I have a wonderful plan for your life.


Search for Me.

I will never let you go."
Who else can help me?
If you are considering killing yourself, get help quick, TODAY. You MUST talk to someone. Please make a contract with us - will you promise that you agree to do NOTHING to harm yourself or others, until you have talked with someone - face to face, by phone, or email?


Who?
* A friend.
* A nurse, doctor or health worker - perhaps at your place of work or study.
* A counsellor or advisor - your place of work may have such a person.
* A religious advisor.
* Telephone BEFRIENDERS for help.
* Email SAMARITANS.
BEFRIENDERS

In many countries of the world, there are organizations called BEFRIENDERS. This movement started in Britain, under the name SAMARITANS, and now almost all countries have similar groups. They have telephone help-lines. You can phone them for advice on any problem.

They are completely confidential - they will never tell anyone else what you have shared with them.

Not only that, if you still choose to commit suicide, they will respect your wish to do that. They will not trace the phone-call, or call emergency services, unless you ask them to. BEFRIENDERS helpers are trained to help you. They do not belong to any religion. Go to the BEFRIENDERS web-page to find details of the phone numbers for your country. They start half-way down their long page.

They say, "Whatever you are going through, we will go through it with you."

SAMARITANS
The SAMARITANS are the BEFRIENDER group in Britain. They will give email advice to anywhere in the world. They promise to email a reply back to you the same day. They will respect your wishes, and will never, ever, tell anyone else what you have told them. Their advice will be non-religious. You can email them at:

jo@samaritans.org

Dalton Dad,--
some of us posting here are BH'S also. but the bottom line is this, think of your kids. i can tell you would do anything for them, and they know that to, and someday will show appreciation for the things you did for them. but you can't do things for them if you are not here.
please keep talking and think about this.
how old are your kids?

by the way, i was at least 22-23 before i realized what my dad had done for me. and older then that befor i told him. but i am so thankful that i had the chance to tell him. think about it.

i too am praying for you.
arjdad

Excellent advice! btw, the Samaritans are not only in Britain, they're everywhere, including New York. Here's some info from an online resource:

SUICIDE IS A PERMANANT ANSWER TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM

"Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain."
That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. (That's why it's useless for someone to say to you, "cheer up!" - of course you would, if you could.)
Don't accept it if someone tells you, "that's not enough to be suicidal about". There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

1 The first thing you need to hear is that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope. 2 The next thing I want to suggest to you is to give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you. 3 The third thing is this: people often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead. 4 The fourth thing is this: some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Call a crisis line (in NYC try the Samaritans at 212-673-3000, or call a branch near you, or look in the front of your phone book), call a psychotherapist, carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen. But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance. 5 The last thing I want you to know right now is this: Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet and various online services.

Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let's give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won't be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It's time to start looking around for one of them.

Now: I'd like you to call someone.

And while you're at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check out these sources of online help.


Other online sources of help:

E-mail to The Samaritans - you'll get a human; give them 36 hours to respond (they're in England). Or visit the Samaritans web site (or the U. S. mirror site) or call a branch near you. Short of writing to a psychotherapist, the best source of online help.

Talk to a therapist online - this is a list of over 50 psychotherapists and other professionally trained counselors who will interact with you via the Internet. Some can respond within 24-36 hours. Most charge a small fee but can be worth it. Be sure to read the background information.

If you want help finding a human being to talk with in person, who can help you live through this, please get on Instant Messenger and put me in the Buddy part as Cattie2000, or if you have ICQ, put in my number, it is 8515271, and if you don't have either, please E-Mail me here swilso02@earthlink.net and I will be with you as soon as I get it which will be very soon. I check this mail constantly!!!

DaltonDAd,

You think we don't know what you are going through? Many of us do. Been there done that and still here to tell you that your current logic is paralleling the fog. STOP IT. Step away from that fog and think about your future with your children. At least you have children to think about.....some here have even lost their children and their WS.

Gonna tell you that I have a son. I did that walk on the beach, went into the ocean was ready to end it all. No good. Couldn't do it. I respected God and his sanctity of life too much and I kept seeing the face of my son. The face I saw when I turned around was of an angry yet scared WS. I had to ride all the way back over 40 miles to our town. I lost it again. Again I wanted to end it all....the reality of God's sanctity of life and my son's face kept coming back.

Came back here and posted on MB. Got a few 2x4 slaps and it also helped me stay on course.

What I can tell you is that your current depressive periods are temporary. You feel completely worthless because your WS is having some success pulling your into the fog.

It is your choice to die for a lessor cause than a righteous one but it won't be a good choice.

Live for your children and respect your Life Giver.

Remember the Ohana (family). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Dalton Dad you dragged me out of leaving this board <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now you got my attention - fair play to you - I've been told that's hard to do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I care.

I am here to listen.

I know you want to stop the pain.

I am listening.

Dalton Dad I hope your smiling. Geeze you've gathered more support here in the last few days than some of us have in years!!!!

Did ya ever think so many people were interested in YOU????

Wow Dalton Dad your a very popular guy here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Ok, laughter is a good start. Not too much one wine though....in fact no whine yep I meant whine....no whine is better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now I am gonna recommend what others have been saying....go get some help and immediate support. MOre is there than you realize.

Don't make me call out Scotland Yard. I already did that for another MBer a few years ago. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Hello Dalton Dad,
First of all, I feel your pain, your despair. I don't know the pain of having to lose a spouse to another person, I do however know what it is like to feel like taking my own life.
How old are your children? I remember my children always coming home from their dad's with super-dad stories. I bet your children go home to mom with those stories too and maybe you do not know about them? What are your children like? Tell me what your fondest memory is of them, what do you wish and hope for them and their future? What role do you hope to play in those things? I know I am changing the subject and the focus, but can you focus on one good thing in your life and detach, even temporarily from the situation with your wife??? How do you think your children need you? I read above that you did everything for them, your wife did very little. How would she ever take care of their needs, the way you do? Your children will grow up one day, and they will know the truth, they will be of an age that you could tell them and even if you don't, they will know the influence you have had in their lives plainly through the examples they experience on a daily basis now... I know, I am at a point where after divorce and struggle, and countless superdad stories, that I their mother, is a heroine herself. Patience my dear friend, close your eyes, breathe, pray, and I will pray too, may God's comforting presence accompany you in your troubles, may his peace be ever with you, may his wisdom and grace guide your every decision.

Please take good care of yourself and your children. If you need to contact me, please do so at thimotika@hotmail.com.

Peace,
Odyssey

Hey Dalton Dad,
I'm in New York too. Do I have to come out and find you? It's snowy and icy out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Man, a lot of people really care about you here. Me included! So, please either go to an emergency room or call a hotline NOW. We care about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CC

Dalton Dad,

This may sound corny and maybe even more so in your depression but did you watch It's a Wonderful Life this Christmas? If you didn't you know the story. Think about what a key part you are to everyone you touch and have touched throughout your life. You are important. Like the others have said--please think of your children!!

As someone said earlier, you don't want OM raising YOUR children. You want to live so those children will know that you are always there for them. I know it is easy for me to say and I don't know your whole story, but please listen to the advice everyone is giving you. Please.

We are praying for you.

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: naivegirl ]</small>

Dalton Dad I'm pretty lazy at times... yeah it's a lifestyle choice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I must admit to not knowing Mrs Warick either duh... glad you clarified that one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> thanks

Me I'm into Metallica, do you know any of their stuff?

It's excellent music for pounding the cr3p out of a football to.

And so Dalton Dad..

You like to listen to Dione Warwick???

Or does her music annoy the cr3p outta too??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

When I listen to some songs

I tend to get sucked into by their lyrics
& see things through the very narrow perspective of the present moment

Sometimes I shake my head & change the cd to something more up, othertimes I just listen with regret

When I realise I've to be responsible for my kid's happiness
I stick on the up stuff for me & my kids

A week or a month later, things look & sound completely different

Hi Dalton Dad --

I don't post much, but your despair and pain has touched my heart. If we could take it away, we would. Please don't go. You have people praying for you all over the country right now. Your pain and despair really are temporary and there are folks here who give you hand up. Just take our hand, Dalton Dad, and we'll help lift you up.

My mother found my brother dead in her basement. Our family has never been the same and will never be the same. Your kids need you. They need you, they need you. If you go, you will be leaving a huge hole in their hearts. Please, there are other ways to make the pain stop -- just not this one.

Please stay here,
Shellybird

Dalton Dad,

You know that suicide is not the answer here. You need professional help. You most likely need medication. Please seek help immediately.

When you are emotionally healed, you won't need your wife to be happy. There is hope. She could fall off the face of the earth and YOU could still find happiness. It would hurt, you'd have healing to do, but you would do far more than just survive...you would thrive.

She's just not worth it. Your life is about you and the children you brought into this world. It's not about her. It should not be dependent on getting HER full attention. That's enmeshment. It's not healthy. I know you are hurting. I know you have empathy. Have it for your children now.

My H found his mother after her unsuccessful suicide attempt. It is in part what led him to eventually have 9 affairs and to experience daily depression for almost every day of his life. Do not do that to your children. They want YOU as a father and you and they both deserve the healthiest you possible. Get some help....NOW.

If you go through with this, your children will believe that if they had just been better kids, you would have never done it. If they just loved you better....you would have never done it. You are asking them to spend YEARS in therapy to overcome this. That's not fair. You are responsible for them.

My H has threatened to commit suicide for years off and on. Throughout our recovery he was suicidal for the first year! Very few people would believe that because our recovery has been almost PERFECT in every other respect. HE needed help above and beyond therapy. He needed medication to find "normal" again. He has gone from being a person who could only see what was missing in his life to a person who thinks he has it ALL. You do not have the correct brain chemicals available to you right now to get that perspective. Get help.

Write back. I want to know that you are listening.

Stillwed

Hey DD...You still up? Where in NY are you? Long Island here. (Uh, duh: LINY!) Well, if you're still reading, let me know...