Hello again friends,

I was wondering about how to keep the kids at home and get my WW out of the house. Some of you may know my sitch, others may not.

I've been trying to get my WW to realize that the single life that she wants to lead is garbage. Anyway I think I'm finally ready to move to Plan B. I've started to get angry and actually disgusted by my WW.

So she and I have been talking about her moving out, she got a check from her Step F, but I talked to him and got him to stop payment. I'm still not exactly sure why as then she would have been gone. However I didn't want her to take the kids with her to the appt.

So I was wondering about how to keep the kids at home, as WW has been packing kids up and staying with GF or her OM with the kids on the days that she doesn't work.

I want to put a stop to this ASAP. So do I get child protection services involved? The police, a lawyer for legal seperation? I've thought about changing the locks this weekend when she goes to work/out with OM. At this point I really don't care if she moves in with OM or not, just no way in HE!! that she's taking the kids over there.

Any help or advice would be appreciated,
Native

native,

I forget one thing. Have you filed for D? If not I think you would need a legal separation filed to keep the kids. Of course you could just refuse to allow her to take them when it's her turn (however you have been dealing with it thus far). If she called the police, they couldn't do a whole lot because they don't have the authority to determine which parent should have the children unless there are obvious signs of neglect or abuse. In other words what will happen is you will tell the officer your story and your WW would lie and say she is not neglecting the children and that they are not in any danger and the officer would try to come up with a solution for that day, but nothing long term.

Native,

I my answer is on your other thread.

Thing is..your wife is playing the *precedent* card..and you are allowing her to do so.

She just took the children..she's packing them up to leave with her. You just let her know..that this will not be happening. That SHE is free to leave and party till she drops but your children are going to have as much stability as you are able to provide for them..with or without her.

You already have a PI and evidence of her lifestyle. Use it. Call an emergency hearing. Ask that she be disallowed to remove your children from their home to be dragged from location to location until she finds a way to manipulate someone else into getting her an apartment [working is NOT part of the fun party scene..that's like..effort..man <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ].

Your children do not need to sleep on the floor or someones couch..they can sleep in their own beds and she can visit when she'd like [provided that she is sober, and that unsavory individuals are not with her]. Go for the jugular..seriously. Try for full custody..and ask that her visitation be supervised.

You have nothing to lose by putting forth your very best effort at protecting them.

You do have an attorney..right? S/he can clear up all the legal kerfluffle and help you clean up your wording and approach, but possesion is 9/10 of the law..don't forget that and go get your children. Yo have as much right to claim them as she does until custody has been determined. Act and be very aggressive.

Noodle

Native...get a legal sep. Doesn't mean its over, gives you and her time to work on things if that is what you want, but it protects the kids. She is too young and not in the right frame of mind to be a healthy Mom. Do it today or it will be harder down the road. Do you have family around? You only talk about hers. Find someone to help out with the kids in the meantime.

I have always believed that the greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother, but in this case you need to love them more!!

Thanks MIF, Noodle and Waiting.

Heres the deal, I cannot stop WW from taking the kids recently b/c she packs the kids up while I'm at work and then leaves. However she also has to work this coming Thursday and that will be when I make my move as she'll have to bring the kids home.

Yes I have a PI and evidence, that shouldn't be a problem. If I change the locks, yes she can call the cops. Then Yes I can show the police all my evidence and throw her A out into the public and start to get the Police dept involved. This I think would be detremental to her, also I have two close cousins that are officers that will see it my way. Either way the police WOULDN'T let her take the kids out of the house. So I could use it for a few days but then I have to go to work also.

However, my mom is living in our trailer that is parked on my RV pad so she can and will be watching the kids for me when I start my new work schedule. So no problem there.

The kids sleeping on the floor or couch at GF's or being exposed to OM is not going to happen again. Another ace in the hole I may have is MIL, she sides with me in all this. However still loves her D of course. I've talked about this subject with her and I'm hoping that if she talks to our pastor about protecting the kids maybe she'll write a letter or even testify. If WW own M is on my side it's a slam dunk I think. I still have to work on this though.

I'm having a prelim consult with an attorney tonight around 5. I probably should have started this sooner, but oh well. I'll see how this goes, yeah I'm thinking legal sep right now with custody of the kids and protecting myself financially. I won't file for D, because I won't be the one that kills the M. That is reserved for WW to carry on the guilt for the rest of her life.

I think I'm going to change locks and then go for the legal sep/custody. I just don't know how this is going to work if I can't get everything done by the time I have to go back to work and my Mom is watching the kids. I think to the police that WW could pull rank on my Mom.

Thanks guys, any other ideas?
Native

native00,

w/o LB'ed ask her where did she bring the kids ?. I would bring a tape recorder to record the whole conversation. She might try to push yout hot buttons & triggers, be calm. Your kids are at stake here. Later you could ask your kids where did they go ?.

Don't give her any clue yet until you are ready. Yes the police could pull rank on your mom. Do you have close family or relatives that the kids could stay and your WW won't find them ?. or even your best freinds ?. The idea is to keep the kids from her while you are working and you will be w/ the kids at all time when she is at home. You call the cop if she try to bring 'em out from the house. I would not change the lock, it is useless plus let her leave home on her own decision too.

BTW which state do you live in ?.

-rh-

Hey Red,

Yeah I could probably ask her but I doubt she'd give me a straight answer. Don't all WS still in the A lie through their teeth? Good idea though about the recorder. My oldest is 5 and though he tells me little things ie, "it's mommy's secret, we saw mommy's friends they were big guys gave mommy a hug" and a few places they go when they run errands. However he can't tell me much detail.

I have a place that the kids could probably stay, but the WW would probably know about it. Besides then I'd be doing the same thing she is, although mine wouldn't be with her OM. And if she did find out where she could call the cops and have the kids pulled from the house.

I live in Idaho, where it is legal to sue for Adultery!!

Native.

Native,

Yes, your Wife has custody of your children.your mother does not..she doesn't even need the police to come and claim them..from your Mom..

From YOU it is another story entirely. You do have equal custody and equal rights.

Can you take some fmla until this is resolved? All that you have to do is to present to a judge that your wife is not acting in the childrens best interest.

I'd lay claim to those kids like my life depended on it if I were you..I am talking about physically doing what it takes to keep them at home with you and not set a precedent for her to maintain what she currently has..which is custody of them.

Let her know SHE is free to make destructive choices..but your children will not be dragged through the muck with her.

Noodle

Native,

Take a week off (or more) and stay with the kids and don't let them out of your sight until the legal kerfluffle (don't ya just love Noodle?) is finished.

This is the most important thing in your life right now. Yours children's welfare. Years from now you will see the truth in this.

Right now there is so many different emotions shooting through you. BUT THIS IS THE MAIN, LONGEST LASTING EVENT IN YOUR CHILDREN'S LIFE! Concentrate and focus on this!

Your W sees them as an impediment right now. A weight around her neck impeding her new "single" lifestyle.

Let's see which one she chooses.

You are the hero here. Be courageous and PRO-ACTIVE. Be one or two steps ahead of her.

Stay strong and take care of yourself.

k

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong>I live in Idaho, where it is legal to sue for Adultery!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When children at stakes ... I am done. I am absolutly agree w/ krusht.

Take the ooprtunity to ask all legal questions during the interview w/ your lawyer. I would consider suing OM/WW !. To use 'em as a bargaining chip to get the custody of your kids.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong> native00,

w/o LB'ed ask her where did she bring the kids ?.
-rh- </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DELETED after coming to my senses. PLease see above advice.

<small>[ December 29, 2004, 02:00 PM: Message edited by: lemonman ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 29, 2004, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong> lemonman,

This is a personal attack, I am glad that you finally post directly about me. I have been waiting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

So what would LM do ? ... screaming & shouting and kicking asking her ?. or just shut up enabling her ?. You didn't finish reading the next part </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I would bring a tape recorder to record the whole conversation.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL, waiting !!!! for what? Personal attacks ???? Wow, it is real snippy in fog land today I see, I better lay low for a few days I guess...OK, Redhat, do you feel better now that I commented on your post directly.

You advise to not "LB, but then tape the conversation"...OK, on second thought you convinced me that this is a great idea. I will go back and delete my previous post, hopefully Native00 takes your advice and gets one of those microrecorders at Radio Shack. Thank you for making me see the light on this, hopefully Native00 can too.

For the record, this situation is WAY PASSED love busting or any "plans", hence why I thought your comment was rather ridiculous...but you changed my mind on that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

Thanks Noodle, Red, Krusht, and LM.

Actually I think I'm quite done with the rollercoaster. Is that possible? I had a good breakdown a few weeks ago with MIL saying that I was/had trying but I don't think I can do no more. Now I'm just angry at what she done/doing to me and the kids. At this point I seriously doubt I could take WW back, so it's best if I move to Plan B. I don't even know if I'd call it plan B, as I don't really care if she moves in with OM#2 or #3 or whatever.

The only thing that matters to me are the kids. So actually I am quite calm now. I think I will take a few days off, as many as I can. Sometimes it's hard to do that at my job.

I know that I can sue WW, but how can I sue OM?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong>I know that I can sue WW, but how can I sue OM? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The 'coaster would not end right away however you are at the control pannel, not WW. With time and separation 'coaster will end.

Check w/ your lawyer. In CA, you used to be able to sue OM for influencing and causing lost of affection of your M. Were your WW ever waffeling about M/Dv ?.

-rh-

Native00, I am from Canada and I am unaware of the law in regards to such areas, so I will pass on my thoughts and prayers for you and you're kids.

Keep strong.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong>
I know that I can sue WW, but how can I sue OM? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you really want to waste your financial resources and energy suing the Other Man? I suspect you just said this in jest right? The OM did not ruin or end your marriage. He has NO culpability here. He owes nothing to you. Your WW deserves ALL the credit for this affair and it's consequences.

I for one think it is great that you are getting off the rollercoaster.........BRAVO for you. If I were you I would fight with everything I had (financial and otherwise) to get custody of your kids. Your WW is not fit to raise those kids. Any human Being who can make the decisions she has made can NOT be trusted to raise children and do what is "right" for them. At this point, EVERYTHING you do should be on the basis for protecting your children and not ONE ounce should be directed to your wife. This is my opinion and you are obviously intelligent enough to do what is right for you. Good luck.

LM

Check w/ your lawyer. In CA, you used to be able to sue OM for influencing and causing lost of affection of your M. Were your WW ever waffeling about M/Dv ?.

During our M, the only times we argued and this includes right up till Dday was when we were talking about cleaning the house and getting groceries. As most of you have guessed, WW is not very mature/responsible. So basically I would ask her to help with the house. Towards the end I'm sure I started nagging her about it (I can take fault in this). At times during our arguements I said "Well if I'm so terrible and abusive why don't you D me". Yes I can see that statement was wrong. So there had been idle talk about a D but I never had any intention. Other than that we never really argued. Course WW says she's been hurting for so long.... garbage.

I would think about sueing OM only if I knew that I could win and get some kind of monetary compensation from him.

Thanks alank, I could use all the prayers I can get now.

LM I agree with you to a point. OM#2 probably doesn't know that WW was married at the start, but I'm sure he does now. WW's tell OM all kinds of crap about abusive H's. So in my eyes at the start probably wasn't culpable, however now that he knows yes he is.

I think I'm still going to change the locks to the house though. Yeah maybe she'll still be able to get back in after a few days, but I won't give her a key and everytime she comes back she'll have to knock. Maybe that is just vengence, but she doesn't deserve me or the kids right now.

If she wants out so bad, just D me and move in with OM. So maybe this was just an exit A with OM#1 from the beginning. Although I don't know if I know the difference between the two types.

native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> [b][/b]


LM I agree with you to a point. OM#2 probably doesn't know that WW was married at the start, but I'm sure he does now. WW's tell OM all kinds of crap about abusive H's. So in my eyes at the start probably wasn't culpable, however now that he knows yes he is.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well my friend, we will just have to agree to disgagree <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Your WW is 100% responsible for the affair in how it affects you. While what the OM is doing with your wife is despicable and immoral, HE HAS NO LOYALTIES to you and owes you nothing. Therfore I maintain that he bears no responsibility for ending your marriage. Your WW is the one who allowed him to do this. He did not force her, he did not rape her, he did not abduct her.. etc..It is ok if we disagree here...I am used to being disagreed with here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> This does not change the fact that in the end my support and my prayers are for you and YOUR children.

LM

I checked on Idaho.gov I couldn't find Domestic Law that states you can sue OM. I might be wrong but again check w/ your lawyer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> I think I'm still going to change the locks to the house though. Yeah maybe she'll still be able to get back in after a few days, but I won't give her a key and everytime she comes back she'll have to knock. Maybe that is just vengence, but she doesn't deserve me or the kids right now.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">JMHO, don't do it. It look bad on you legally and muddy the issues of CS. She could just call people to have it unlock, she still "live" there.

About the child custody, I didn't have to go extreme w/ my exW of filing but I took care of my 2 D change my work schedule. My exW took the bait and was glad to have her freedom. At that point I was in the same state as you are now, don't care about M and her. By the time she can't stand the heat, moved out, and filed, I got the upper hand. Is there any possibility that it might work out w/o any legal stuff ?. Just a thought.

-rh-