Thanks LM, yup you and I agree sometimes and sometimes not. Yes OM has no loyalties (or honor) and responsibility. However he is an active participant in what the state of Idaho deems acceptable divorce causes.... Adultery. What about emotional/physical stress inflicted on me by WW AND OM? Maybe I'm reaching but either way the OM is really no concern really it's just a thought that I didn't really think about until now. Besides he knows it's wrong and maybe if he gets burnt he won't HELP ruin another family. And I do value you and many others opinion here. And I thank you for your prayers. I say keep playing devil's advocate here!!

Red, yeah I don't know about sueing OM either, I guess I'd just have to talk to the attorney. I'm afraid that I'm not sure if I follow. So your saying that you changed your work schedule which allowed you to have the kids more. So that freed up your W to move out and party, which she thought was great. Then when she woke up and filed the precedent was already set and you won child custody?

If this is the case, I can only hope that is what my WW will do. I really doubt that she has thought about this much, as she's pretty naieve about the world, which shows in her maturity. Also shows in the fact that I think she's damaging herself already with what she's doing with the kids. So whether or not I need all the legal stuff, I guess only time will tell. She knows that I'm getting a lawyer, so I don't know what she's thinking about that.

Native.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> So that freed up your W to move out and party, which she thought was great. Then when she woke up and filed the precedent was already set and you won child custody?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She never woke up, she got the pressure from OM to file since he filed too. Yeap, I work 3x a week from home. I droped & picked them up from their school and go to the skating rink. I was awarded 70-30 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> for temporary coustody I didn't go for blood which I regret it a bit. Looking back I have enough evidence to get full custody and let her have visitation only.

It might work on your case too but talk to your lawyer to find out what advantage you would have if you file first.

BTW how did she know you are getting a lawyer ?. I would not give her that info since you might have to get someone to serve her the paper later.

-rh-

Well I just spoke with one of the Lawyers that I've been emailing. It was just a prelim meeting to feel him out and for him to hear about my case.

It didn't go very well. I get in the door and he says well your young and a good looking guy, you will have no problem finding women out there. However I suggest that you find out if you can stay in your marriage!! So how long have you been contemplating the D. I said that I was looking for a legal sep for now to protect me and the kids. He then proceeded to lecture me about how I'm a good looking guy and I could have lots of girls, but that eventually that would wear off. I had to stop him there and tell him about my sitch!! WW and the affair.

So then he starts lecturing me again, about how I need to go to counseling, talk with WW about what went wrong, go back to our dating years and try and rekindle.

So then I give him more info about the PI, WW's STD, now she has OM#2. So then he wants me to go get a piece of her hair and have it tested for drugs. He says that he won't do a legal sep b/c in his opinion they don't have the outcome that people think they do. He then asks me when I lost my self-esteem! And was basically trying to talk me into Ding the WW (which I was expecting anyway).

Basically I got talked down to again, sometimes I hate being/looking so young. It's like I have to be lectured by people older b/c they automatically think that I can't/don't know how to be married. That I'm not smart/mature enough. Sorry about the rant there.

Anyway onto the next attorney to see what he has to say. All the stories about Lawyers being bloodsuckers seem to be true, there viscious. I guess I just have to find a viscious one that won't lecture me about life first.

Native.

PS: he also said that unless there are drugs, violence, that I really don't have much to go on as far as getting custody. He says that I need to build up a chronology of her actions/behavior, which I've been working on.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong>PS: he also said that unless there are drugs, violence, that I really don't have much to go on as far as getting custody. He says that I need to build up a chronology of her actions/behavior, which I've been working on. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is very hard to have 100% custody, it is true what he say. I would be afraid if he said that he could help you get 100% custody. However most state would lean toward best parent for the kids to have more custody.

Check what your next lawyer have to say. Meanwhile where is your kids & W ? are they home yet ?. Have you ask for time off ?.

-rh-

Hello Red, nice to hear from you. Yeah I don't know about full custody but I was hoping for 80/20 or something like that. I think it's a pretty clear cut case on who the best parent is.

Nope I got home and WW and kids are not here, again. I plan on taking a drive around town and seeing if I can find them later on if she doesn't come home.

Yes I've asked for time off and so I don't have to work next week or maybe even a few weeks. I've told my boss that I'm getting a seperation and possibly a D. He understands and told me I could take as much time as I need. So I've got about a few weeks I could take.

Native.

native,-
you know what you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?........not enough sand! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> your last post made me remember that joke. seriously, i hope you have better luck with another lawyer.
as a fellow BS, i am pretty sure that the last thing i need or want right now is some a** hole lecturing me. like the BS is to blame.
also it is a good idea to keep a journal and document everything. don't discount the importance of this.
as you and i have close to the same DD, it is very early they say. i know the last 10-12 weeks have felt more like 3-4 years. i hope things get better for you in the new year. it seems this is an emotional time of year. i am just trying to make it thru the holidays with out serious LB'S. i never thought i would be eager to get back to work.
good luck with the next lawyer,
arjdad

Hello arj,

Nice to hear from you. Yup I hate being lectured... especially from know-it-alls. Oh well onto the next attorney.

Yeah I know it's only been about 3 months, but I've been working my but off. WW is on OM#2, I'm starting to get angry and disgusted. There is no OMM that I can out to his W, my WW isn't really attached to any of these punks so this isn't a normal A. I just don't think I can last much longer. So I'm actually trying to get her out of the house, the bad thing is I don't think I'm technically in Plan A anymore. Ever since I dropped the bomb and told WW everything that I know, and told WW that I'm getting a Lawyer and that I don't think she's being a good mother right now which was last week. We haven't said but a few words to each other and she's been taking off with the kids on her days off, so I guess moving into Plan B after leaving a strong Plan A is not going to happen for me.

Native

native,-
i know 2.5-3 months is a long time towork your butt off, especially when it seems like you are the only one trying.i can relate. but i admit my sitch seems a little bit better then yours.
i don't really know what to tell you. except that if you love her and want the M to work, don't give up hope. i know that if my M ends, it won't be my fault. NOBODY can say i didn't give it my all.sometimes it even makes me a little mad at myself for even loving her. i always thought if she had an A, i would kick her butt out in a new york minute. but that obviuosly was not the case. i still love her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
it sounds like your WW needs to grow up. i don't know how long it takes them to realize the damage they are doing. or to care about it for that matter.
keep your chin up, and do what you think is best. when she takes the kids and is gone, you don't know where they are? that would pi$$ me off! i worry enough as it is.
good luck,
arjdad

Thanks Arj,

I've come to the conclusion that only Plan B can save me/my M at this point. This is not an EN thing so there isn't much that I can do as far as Plan A goes. My mind, body, and soul are very, very tired and am in need of some rest. I think Plan B is very much in order at this point. I wouldn't say that I'm giving up just trying something new. The thing is that I'm afraid that I don't know if I want to be with WW anymore. I've been struggling with that, maybe I plan Aed too long, or maybe its just the stuff that WW is doing now.

I can/will feel good about myself and all that I have done in my M, Pre-A, During-A, and Post-A. I can live with myself.

Yup taking the kids out of the house sucks and it will stop this week. In fact I'm leaving the house now to go and track them down. Once I find them I will probably be calling the police to get her to bring the kids home.

Native.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> All the stories about Lawyers being bloodsuckers seem to be true, there viscious. I guess I just have to find a viscious one that won't lecture me about life first.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ugghhhh Attorneys.......what I wouldn't pay to have all LAW schools closed for the next 15 years to "kill off" the cess pool of attorneys plaguing this country......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Goodluck. There will surely have to be a good attorney available, but remember a good attorney is not neccesarily one that tells you what you want to hear.

LM

Hi LM,

Well I went to my IC for the last time and he gave me some names of attorney's and said their pretty good, expesive but good. So I feel better.

Update WW came home last night with the kids around midnight....surprised me. I couldn't find her car or the kids last night when I went out looking. I didn't get home till around 12ish. Anyway saw the kids this morning, that was nice, then I left to go to my IC and to the gym. Just got back around 5 and no WW or kids.

WW works today at 6:30, so I'm wondering what she's going to do with the kids. If I find her at work I'm calling the cops and have them question her as to the location of the kids and write a report. Just more documentation to add to the pile.

Native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> Hi LM,

Well I went to my IC for the last time and he gave me some names of attorney's and said their pretty good, expesive but good. So I feel better.

Update WW came home last night with the kids around midnight....surprised me. I couldn't find her car or the kids last night when I went out looking. I didn't get home till around 12ish. Anyway saw the kids this morning, that was nice, then I left to go to my IC and to the gym. Just got back around 5 and no WW or kids.

WW works today at 6:30, so I'm wondering what she's going to do with the kids. If I find her at work I'm calling the cops and have them question her as to the location of the kids and write a report. Just more documentation to add to the pile.

Native </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want to conratulate you on your growth. Seeing a IC and going to the gym daily will all benefit you greatly. I am sure some day soon, you are gonna look back at these times and say:

"native00----------> Who the hell was that guy".

With regards to Lawyers, you generally get what you pay for (but not always). With your kids at stake, if I were you I would spare no cost to getting the best representation that you can..even if you have to go into debt...money well soent IMO.

Goodluck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

native00,

Surprise her by staying home and never let the kids left your sight. If she wants to take 'em somewhere you go with them. If WW refused then call the cops. You have as much right as she does and most law enforcement would tell her to leave home w/o kids !. They know kids are better at home specially when it is safer than going out there w/ her.

If she dumped the kids somewhere while working, you could go and get 'em. You have all the right.

-rh-

LM:With regards to Lawyers, you generally get what you pay for (but not always). With your kids at stake, if I were you I would spare no cost to getting the best representation that you can..even if you have to go into debt...money well soent IMO.

I agree completely, my IC said that if I win the adultery case that I can get my WW to pay the lawyer fees.

Yup well WW just came home so I guess that I don't have to go searching.

Red your right, I've taken off work and WW will no longer be taking the kids! Or the cops will be called.

Native

native00,

Stay calm. Don't argue when you ask her to go w/o the kids. Don't bring A or R into this request. The kids has to stay home b/c you want play with them. Don't get into argument or a fight, just call 911 and say there is a domestic dispute and need an officer to come before it gets escalated.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by redhat:
<strong> native00,

Stay calm. Don't argue when you ask her to go w/o the kids. Don't bring A or R into this request. The kids has to stay home b/c you want play with them. Don't get into argument or a fight, just call 911 and say there is a domestic dispute and need an officer to come before it gets escalated.

-rh- </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good advice.

Yes Red, good advice. Well WW just got home and since we haven't been speaking of late I initiated. I asked her if she was still on schedule to move out. She said yes. I said that I'll be moving some of her stuff into the garage, she started to get angry, I said I don't want to talk about it.

Then she proceeds to tell me that she's changing her work schedule and that she'll need me to watch the kids on Thursday so she can have Monday's off. So that now she'll take the kids on Mon, Tues and Wed. I said yes I'll take the kids but I'm taking time off from work and that the kids will be staying here. She said no, why am I trying to take the kids from her. I said she's doing that herself. She then said that she's not a bad mother and that I can't take the kids. I said that's for the Lawyers to decide. She said well I'm taking the kids on Monday, I said nope... end of discussion.

So I guess if she try's and takes the kids on Monday I'll call the cops and tell them that there not going anywhere.

Native

native00,

Good job of keeping your temper down. WW will try to push your hot buttons, avoid it. One more thing, from now try to get someone (adult) around when she is around. Specially on Monday. Why ? You need witness and you should be ready.

I heard horror story where WW made themself injured and accused BH such that the cops has no choice but to remove him from the house.

-rh-

Red, again thanks for the good advice. I'll be having my Mom in the house when WW is around on the days that WW doesn't work for now. I only have enough time off for about 3 weeks. I'm hoping that I'll have my new lawyer by then and will either be gowing for the legal sep + having the kids or going for the D.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong>
So I guess if she try's and takes the kids on Monday I'll call the cops and tell them that there not going anywhere.

Native </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While I am profoundly sad that things have come to this, I am happy that you are finding the strength to do "what is right for you". YOu need to re-read your posts here.......The "old" Native00 does not seem to be anywhere around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I suspect that (if you so desire) you will get another chance to save your marriage in the future. It is probably "shaking" your wife to see you so strong and now fighting for your position...This may be what it takes to "jar" her. Either way, I am sure you don't ever want to go back to your "old" marriage. Stay strong here. I would be willing to bet that she won't have the strength to see this through when she has lost your enabling support.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />