Thanks LM,

I actually chuckled to myself as I read your post. LM, is saying that I can still save my M... just kidding brother <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Anyway the thing is yeah maybe my WW will want me back. However I highly, highly doubt it. I don't know if I want her back though. Your right I don't want that old M back. I will be standing up for myself and my needs in whatever relationship I come into next, which I'm sure will be a long time from now. I also believe that I've learned so much along the way. Thanks to SAA and HNHN.

WW is pretty stubborn so I'm sure she wants to D me. Today in her car I found a do-it-yourself legal kit for D's, bankrupcy and stuff like that. I laughed to myself when I saw that and am laughing now as I'm typing. Does she really think that I'll sign anything that she has in her little kit? Quite comical really.

Native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> Thanks LM,

I actually chuckled to myself as I read your post. LM, is saying that I can still save my M... just kidding brother <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , well you know what I meant...this is a marriage building site and isn't that what we are all here for????

For the record, I have no doubt that you can remain married to your WW. Your story is only a 5-6/10 on the MB horrifying Richter Scale and even 10/10 have been "recovered" here. I will stand by my original point, YOU WILL GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.....it will be up to you at that point if you want to. Bookmark this post, and we will re-address it in 6 months.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM,

Don't do this too me man, I've made up my mind that my WW is going for the D. I'm tired of the rollercoaster. I have come to acceptance that this will be ending in a D. I'm okay if it does.

native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> LM,

Don't do this too me man, I've made up my mind that my WW is going for the D. I'm tired of the rollercoaster. I have come to acceptance that this will be ending in a D. I'm okay if it does.

native </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please don't misunderstand my point. DO NOT CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW!!!!!!!!! YOu are doing the right thing for yourself and children.

Uggh, this is what happens when I "try" and be more MB politically correct. JFC!

Stay Strong, don't waver on this. You can ONLY act on who your WW is today, Not for what you "hope her to be".

I am sorry for the confusion, you have full support and backing here to do what you are doing. You have made great changes in yourself and your children will benefit years down the road from you protecting them from her destructive behavior and choices. . This course you are taking is the only way to help yourself and children. The comments about marriage and your WW returning was just a point for you to be "prepared" for her to do this. I know that in your heart of hearts you think there is no way she will ever want you back, and I was just posting for you to realize that based on all evidence from at least this site, there is a good chance that she will want to "come back", and I want you to be prepared for that. I personally think you are doing all of this for the "right" reasons, so I know that you can and will succeed.

Good luck.

Sorry for the confusion. It may take some time for me to get used to the "gentle support" model, it will come in time hopefully.

LM

Okay I see your point. I think your doing a good job, just try not to change too much okay. I will not change from the person that I am, you and I both know that.

I guess I just have to take what your saying is true. MBers have said that it takes a while for the anger to come... well guess what happened my anger finally reared. So I guess that since you and others have seen the WW come back from far worse I can only wait and see. Although nobody here knows my WW like I do and I just don't see it happening.

When I talk to the new lawyer I'll let you know how it goes. If WW gets served, what happens if she doesn't have a lawyer?

Native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> If WW gets served, what happens if she doesn't have a lawyer?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She either represent herself or get a lawyer and ask for you to pay for it (standard response). If she doesn't response, you got everything you ask for by default. However you are lucky you live in Idaho, Adultery could be used as ground for Dv. The judge would not look at in her favor.

-rh-

<small>[ December 30, 2004, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Okay but what if she doesn't sign the papers? I think I've heard stories where a one party doesn't sign so the D can't go through. I won't be paying for her attorney, if I win I'm going for her to pay for mine. Yes Adultery is on the books and I'm hoping for a win for the divorce and a win for the child custody/support.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong> Okay but what if she doesn't sign the papers?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your WW doesn't need to sign anything for being served. As long as you use "professional server", they could be called to testify that your WW got the paper. Now, she could hide and not being found anywhere thus you have to keep renewing the filing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . By then you have abandonment added to your favor.

For Dv, It is not up to her anymore. It is up to the court to award you. It take 2 for marriage but only 1 to file and a judge to Dv.

I scan Idaho status for Domestic relationship (#32), I found something interesting. Adultery limitation is 2 years ... Criminal Conviction could be used as a ground.

Read up your state's law.


-rh-

<small>[ December 30, 2004, 10:18 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Thanks Redhat, I really appreciate it. Although I'm not sure if I understand the 2 year limitation stature.

Sometimes I still think I'm having a nightmare. I mean it's been 3 months now, but when I think about what I was doing this summer and how my life was then and how it is now it's just amazing.

Native

You can't use Adultery as a ground for Dv if it is past 2 years after D-day.

When you reach a point where you could say ... I am moving on w/ or w/o WS. If WS wants to come back she has to become W and willing to work on happier future (earn her way in).

Right now you don't want your WW back ( you should not), what if W is back (de-fogged) ... you know MB, in-love could be re-created for both of you !.

-rh-

I couldn't imagine alowing adultery to go one without taking some kind of action for two years. I don't have a problem there. I'm hoping that if we do file for D and I win the adultery case that I can get WW to pay for the lawyer fees, credit cards.

Yup your right Red, I don't want WW back, and even if W returned I still don't know if I could take her back.

Thanks for your help Red!! How do you think my case is as far as sueing for Adultery and child custody/support?

Native

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by native00:
<strong>Thanks for your help Red!! How do you think my case is as far as sueing for Adultery and child custody/support?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not a lawyer. Looking at what prove you have and her behavior w/ kids ... OMG, dragging 1.5 yr old kid pass midnight ??. You have a solid case. Journal her behavior as much as you can, it will come very handy.

You feel that even W is back you don't want her no more ... I just want to point out your M could be restore and be better than before. Worry latter, it is a big if.

Selamat Tahun Baru <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... that is happy new year in Bahasa, my native tounge.

-rh-

Yes Red, I guess I really, really don't like WW. If W somehow reappeared I guess I'd have to go back into IC to see if I could get back with her. I realize that this is MB and that we all should be trying to get our M's back but I think with WW's behavior and actions that it's pretty much over. I feel good about how I tried and will have no regrets.

Happy new year to you Red! I'm looking forward to the new year and my life, married or not.

Well WW has gone and gotten her new appt. So I have taken timeoff from work so she doesn't take the kids. She has been moving stuff out of the house when I'm gone. So tonight I will be changing the locks on the house. Since she has basically abandoned the house by getting her new appt. I have spoken to the local cops (my cousin is on the force) and he said that I'm with in the law as he sees it, or at least I'm not really breaking any laws. I will be moving her clothes and the rest of her stuff into the garage so she can have access to it without coming into the house.

And she won't be getting the kids until she can demonstrate responsible behavior, which I assuming will have to be monitored somehow.

Native