I am in the middle of a custody battle with my W. I have an order of protection against me that is almost expired. Nothing violent, just bad words coerced by my W, if I must defend myself.

Anyway, she is insisting on sole custody, while I am asking for Joint Legal with extended sleepovers (meaning one or two days during the week, as well as every other weekend).

Currently, she refuses to let me speak with our kids on the phone since December 10th. I used to have the opp to speak with them but she cut me off. Order of protection allows for phone contact.

I am sending her 90% of my paycheck to pay the bills in our house. However, after crying about money for 3 months, she refuses to accept the checks for 3 weeks now, and is not paying the mortgage, etc.

We are seeing a court-ordered psych and he is very sympathetic to my story. We have a 7 year old boy with autism, 5 year old daughter, and an 8 month old girl.

I think she is going off the deep end because she cannot afford the home we live in and is having a hard time dealing with the kids, house and home business which she is responsible of overseeing.

Our conference in family court comes up next week and I want to feel "reassured", if you will, that I will get what I'm asking for. I've lost nearly 4 months time with my kids and have seen them a total of 4 hours at the local Y, supervised since September 17th. This is such a joke.

Basically, I don't know if it's post-pardum depression or not, but my wife went downhill a month after giving birth to our daughter.

Meanwhile, she ordered the psych exam claiming I'm unstable. Yet, I brought to the doctors attention the physical, emotional and verbal abuse at the hands of her mother that occurred in my home in front of my kids. I'm talking fistfights, truck-driver cursing daily, plus a ton of guilt and emotional abuse. The psych then told me he was ordering my MIL in to speak with him. (Yippee!)

It was my opposition to the fact that my wife never could set boundaries with certain people in our marriage that got me taken from my home. She simply could not stand being between me and her family. Even though they verbally assault me consistently.

I am not a violent person at all. But my wife went on a mission to destroy us financially and held an attorney's retainer over my head for 3 months before I finally had it with her. That's where the order or protection comes in. She claims I threatened to hit her, etc. All false.

Anyone seen a sitch like this before? I'm dying to see my kids.

Well I can't imagine a dad not getting joint legal with visitation rights. Would have to be some very damaging things against you which would prevent you from getting the very basic, which is what you are asking for.

Questions though -

who is the WS, you or her? (sorry not familiar with your sitch)?

why are you not going for joint custodial as well as joint legal?

I also wanted to add that I do not care too much for 50/50 custodial. Having joint 50/50 with my DD's dad, I think a child is better off living in one home (the most stable parent) and visiting the other.

I am just curious as to why you are asking for what you are asking for.

Document, document, document EVERYTHING.

Make sure to include date & specific time.

weaver,

I am not asking for 50/50. Joint custodial is too much for the kids, I believe. However, I feel our kids would benefit from additional sleepovers during the week, instead of returning them home in 2 hours. We are very close.

No affairs here. Just alot of craziness on her families end. Of course, I'm to blame for everything. Nothing really damaging so I am pretty confident.

Yes I agree that joint custodial is too much for kids.

Listen to Chris about documenting -

A judge will not look too kindly on her not allowing phone calls. That is a VERY bad move on her part.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>joint custodial is too much for kids.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How so ?. Kids need both parent.

-rh-

I was in a similar sitch, however I did not send money. I took the check book. She claimed abandonment but sobeit. I made sure the bills got paid until the court arranged temporary support and our credit remained unblemished.

I also did not see my DD for several weeks. All I can tell you is to be patient. The court will arrange a parenting schedule soon enough. If you feel that she is not stable enough to care for the kids, you may have her evaluated also.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have an order of protection against me that is almost expired. Nothing violent, just bad words coerced by my W, if I must defend myself.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure what your definition of violent is but I'm sure I won't be the only one to inform you that verbal abuse (coerced or not) is a form of violence. No court will buy "She made me do it!" You are accountable for your own actions...hence the protection order.

FWIW, I find that a primary placement parent is best for my kid. This provides more stability for her. We also get to spend plenty of time together outside of the court ordered parenting schedule. Good co-parenting is the key.

You may divorce your H/W but you are still owe it to your kid(s) to be as good or a better parent than ever.

Redhat -

My DD did have both parents before the 50/50 custodial arrangement. He had her quite often but she lived with me for the first nine years of her life.

When she was nine I agreed to 50/50 because he was newly married and settled, she loves him to death, and I thought it would be good for all concerned.

However what I didn't know was how it would affect her. He is changing since his marriage. We used to be so similar in our beliefs and values so I didn't think it would be so hard on her to live with him for 4 months and then me for 4 months. But he is sooooo influenced by his new wife that his beliefs and values, even discipline and what he expects from her is changing. It seems now that she lives in two totally different worlds, instead of one world, two houses.

It's hard to explain, but I see a difference in her and I am not comfortable that what we have done what was right for her.

It would take a whole lot more time than I have to explain in detail, but I think we made a huge mistake.

She needs her mom all the time and her dad part time. I know it, I feel it but I can't really explain it.

And she has had, since her birth both parents in every real sense of the word. I would not have it any other way. But she deserves to live in one home and just visit the other. She is my only child and I am living alone, so maybe I am worrying too much. Just wish I would have kept full custody though.