I have been taking stock.

These are some of the things that have happened;

Over Xmas we talked quite a bit. He said one night that he has hurt me deeply and that he is sorry. I told him some of how I feel about the ow, comparing myself with her.

He talked about the problems in his life and how he wondered if my praying has caused adversity. About how he knows that sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they will come to God fully, and he wondered if that is what is happening to him.

I talked to him about where he is at spiritually, about how much God loves him and what following the way would look like. About trusting God . About how the enemy has been the cause of so much hurt in hs life, and whose side does he want to be on.

One day when he was in a really bad mood, I stuck my head in the lions mouth as he put it. I stood in front of him and took off all my clothes and told him that no matter if he yelled or threw me out in the snow, no matter if I looked like a fool, I loved him and I could see him hurting and I am willing to be vulnerable, risk getting rejected, but that I would not hide my true feelings from him.

He listened.

He has decided to quit smoking pot. It has been about 4 days and he is doing okay. It is the first time he has been straight in years. I mean literally- he was always high.

He has started paying bills; the taxes, the electricity, and so forth. He has started fixing up the house a bit.

Even though he blew the motor on the van , he spent most of his check on our DD for Xmas, instead of on the van or pot.

He has been calling me most days a few times, sometimes for no reason.

The ow has much less room in his life than before. He is coming to me to talk now, as a friend.
I am treading very carefully .

I think she is going to start pushing for attention and that will be the end of her.

Tonight, just now, as we were talking, I mentioned that I have a service tomorrow, and I was looking for an illustration for the new year etc. He gave me a really great analogy about eternal life.

I think the light is getting to him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Shul

very glad to hear.

still expect the worse, hope for the best.

continued prayers to you, RR

Shul,

How are you doing?

L.

Orchid,

Thankyou for caring, and for praying for me.

I have been in bad shape the past few days.

I need to hear from God.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I guess I can't figure out if all the things he has said and done the past few weeks were just to make him feel better/ not as guilty, or if he really is seriously trying to get a grip on his life.

He hasn't called for several days.
(He is in town working on getting a motor for the van, and presumably staying at the ow's). He never calls when he is up to no good. (Why is that, anyway?)

I am trying not to take it personal. It is all about the van I think. He is sacrificing to his golden calf, yes?


I guess what I have been trying to do all these months was a kind of reverse psychology...ie: he feels trapped, so I will let him come and go as he likes, not call or make demands etc.

I can't tell if it is working or not. He has been coming around alot more the past month for no reason, we have been talking a bit etc.

On the other hand, maybe he is just here to have a shower and do laundry and go away feeling so much better about himself.

I am thinking of letting him know that since he broke the marriage, I am not bound to him anymore, and that I am going to start seeing other men.

He can babysit his daughter while I go out on dates.

I don't know what to do. I am hurting pretty bad.

Like I said, I really need to hear from God.

Thank you all for praying , and for being there to listen.

Just please pray that God will tell me what I am to do.