I think WH finally left & I have my H back, but I'm afraid to believe it's real. The past 2 months he works hard at meeting my EN & appears to be the guy I married. It's what I've wanted to see going on for sooo long but after so many promises & setbacks I find I'm having a very hard time letting my guard down. The last setback was the 1st part of August when the OW called him at work. He talked to her for quite awhile & then came home & filled me on her update (like it was a friend I cared about!). When I called him on it & reminded him of the agreement for NC he made in MC, he said he'd "forgotten" & couldn't believe I was mad. In discussing it further he said he couldn't promise he wouldn't forget in the future & talk to her if she called. Until then each time he'd agreed to NC I took it as the solid promise it would've been from my H, a man whose word you could count on. Each time I thought I was finally getting my H back. I didn't realize until then the WH was still lurking around. This time he must've sensed the change in me because he asked what it would take for me to believe him. I told him he'd have to call her with me listening in & tell her not to ever contact him again. If she called or came into the store he'd have to end the contact immediately by either hanging up or telling her to leave. He made the call. In the earlier call she'd told him she'd be here at Christmas (she now lives across the country) & would stop in to see him. Given her past behaviour I figured she'd still show up. I began to dread the approaching holiday. I was due to leave town for 6 weeks training & wouldn't be back until the day before Thanksgiving. As we were talking about how we'd prepare for the holidays with me being gone for so long the dread got worse. He asked me why I wasn't very excited about Christmas this year when I'm normally so excited about getting ready for our family to be together. I told him I was dreading it because I was sure she'd show up & even though he'd made the NC call he'd still made the statement he might "forget". No begging, pleading or demands, just a simple statement. For the first time since this all began, without any prompting he told me I wasn't to have any concerns about what would happen. He didn't know exactly how he'd handle it if she came in when things were busy & customers were all around (we own a small sandwich shop), but he'd cut her off immediately & tell her to leave. I felt better because of the difference in him. The feeling continues because of how he interacts with me. But I still can't shed that feeling that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't let my guard down completely & give myself to our marriage like I used to. I wonder if I'll ever be able to. On one hand I tell myself over time it will happen & on the other hand I ask myself whether I ever should put that kind of trust in him again.
