[vent]
I picked up the kids at my MIL house from the WW. It was good to see them after 5 days without. One of my 9 year old twins is really a tenderheart and she seems to be the most outwardly affected by this whole mess. Anyway, she starts crying that she is going to miss her mommy. She gives mom a hug and I get her loaded into the car. She cried for about the first 30 minutes and sobbed the rest of the way to my parents house. I felt so terrible for her as she sat in the back seat with her head leaning against the car door and tears rolling down her cheek I almost broke down and cried. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Then I started thinking about my WW and how I wish she could see her DD. I started to get angry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Because my WW wants her cake and to eat it too, our children are suffering. Because my WW wants to keep her "platonic friend" in the picture the rest of us have to suffer. I know she has issues with me that she is not sure she wants to deal with any longer as I have with her. I have told her from the start of this fiasco that I was willing to do whatever it takes to work on me, on us, in order to get our M back to the way it should be.

Our 2 1/2 year old does nothing but want to be held. She won't let anyone hold her but me when I have her and the WW tells me that she won't let anyone but mommy hold her when WW has her. I think this is her way of saying she knows something is up.

The other 9 year old does not show any signs of stress over this, but I know she knows and am sure it is affecting her, she just seems to be dealing with it internally instead.

We were going to have a talk with them just before I move out, but maybe we are going to have to do that sooner. They obviously know something is up especially since the Christmas break has hit us we have been passing the kids back and forth and that is not normal. There are a lot of times where my shift work has made it so I couldn't go to the MIL's house because I had to work, but this passing back and forth every few days is definitly new to them.

So New Years is coming up and my WW tells me she has no plans. I still don't know if I believe her or not. I mean I have the kids she is free to do as she wishes, so I don't know why she would not go out with the OM. He is single so I am sure he is going to be doing something. Maybe she just doesn't want to tell me she is going to ring in the new year with him.
[/vent]

Okay, I feel a bit better now. I think. Just venting my frustrations.

MIF

MIF,

Sorry for the pain you and your children are dealing with. It is hard.

Make sure your children know you are there for them and it is their mom who is keeping your family apart. This is important that your children know the reason so they can come to a proper conclusion. Not telling them will create more anxiety than if you be tactful yet honest.

Ask your children if they would like to write out their feelings in a letter to their mom. Let them know it may be helpful if their mom could know how they really feel about their mom's decision to keep the family apart.

At 6 years old, my son said he was too embarressed to speak to his dad about the separation. Instead he chose to write a 4 sentence letter to his dad. It was quite powerful. It was also therapeutic.

L.

Orchid,

I have already made the decision that I am not going to talk negatively about my WW to my children. She is their mother and one day when they get older they will know what happened and be able to form their own opinion about the situation. I will take the high road in this matter and not down talk her.

MIF

Oh yeah, I forgot to add. We got in the car today to go to my brother's house and the daughter that cried all the way home pointed out to me that she wrote on the window in the moisture last night "I love my family". She showed it to me today and said she wrote it because she misses her mommy. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

MIF

MIF

I told my kids upfront that mommy and daddy were not going to live together anymore. That we were going to try and work on staying married but it may not happen. We both love them and everything is going to be OK no matter what. It has been over 3 weeks since they have seen their dad and they are handling it pretty well. My sons teacher has him drawing pictures -- it helps.

Another note I read somewhere that it is best that the other spouse drops off the kids rather than you picking them up and taking them away from their mom. Try and work that out in the future.

My 2 cents.

TDR

I bought this book which seems to have a lot of good advice. It does say to tell the kids that it's not their fault, that both mommy and daddy love them, but that there will be some changes.

I was just hoping to avoid that until we absolutley needed to. I think we are getting to a point that they are going to have to be told something.

MIF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

MIF, I feel the pain here when it comes to the kids.

We told ours that Mom and Dad had some problems and that we were getting help for us.

We explained that in no way did this have anything to do with them, and my WW and I have been very good with them in regards to no bad talking each other. Our kids are aware of mom's friend and that Mom and her friend are going to stop seeing each other.

We told them the truth as best as we could to a six and three year old.

My six year old cries all the time and always asks for her family back. We told them what we could and are being civil as best as we can and it seems to comfort the kids.

Kids first, me second my M third.

Did you tell them right before one of you moved out or a few days/weeks prior to?

I don't know exactly when I will be moving out, but I am beginning to think we should tell them real soon. My one 9 yr old daughter said again just a half hour ago how much she misses mommy, and how she wants her family. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

MIF

We told our kids the day before I moved out of the house. This gave them a bot of time to ask questions and express any feelings they had.

I gave my six year old my cell number and told her to call anytime, I am always here for you and I always will be.

She still does the same thing, she cries and says she wants her family back.

I have been back in the house for almost a week and my WW is getting ready to leave now, or so she says. If and when she does go we will have the same conversation with the kids again. My 6 year old thinks we are going straight to a D. We are just trying to reasure them it has nothing to do with them.