</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulNewCJ:
<strong> P.S.


Okay--it's a little bit of a trigger for me, I realize that, but I AM NOT AN OP!!!!!!


CJ </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMFAO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...I thought OP meant "original poster"...LOL. YOu and me are gonna have to sit down and work this out soon.

LM

P.S.S.

Send me an email, wouldya?? faithfulwifecj@yahoo.com

BTW, I'm sorry you're feeling sicky--so put down your drama crown and get back in bed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'll send some Jewish Chicken Soup you're way, and you'll feel better in the morning.

((((LM)))) Still respecting ya even with the crown on.


CJ

CJ,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Divorce final 5-23-03 </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you remember how that day felt?

Tomorrow, it comes true for the lemonman.

Regardless of what he says, the same passion he displays in his posts, were once there for his WW.

Someday she will come to the full realization of what she so brazenly tossed away; her vows and integrity and much more importantly, her husband's love.

That is what NO man can ever give her AGAIN.

Amen, my brother Cy:

This is why I advised the LM to go to bed--let this day end. He's not feeling well, tomorrow is New Year's Eve Day (which is a zoo anyway), AND to boot, it is D-final.

For what it's worth, to whomever may be reading, on the day my D was final, part of me felt some relief and acceptance, and another part of me just cried like I lost...shoot, like I had a loss. It wasn't the easiest day to endure, but in some ways it did bring an end to the limbo, some direction in my life, and some peace that the abuse was ending.

Mostly, my heart broke for my spouse. He is a sick man and still refuses to work on himself or his issues, and mostly I felt so sad for him that he had NO CLUE what he was willingly throwing away. Partly, my heart broke for my illusion too. I cried because I knew I would never feel that naively safe again.

Nighty nighty, LemonSqueezy. I'm praying for some desperate sap to take your place tomorrow at work so you can take the time you need to heal--from sickness and from all of THIS.


CJ

bump

I am gently lurking. I had a very bad night on call last night with no sleep and several trauma alerts. My "flu" is worse and I am barely able to function. I don't think I have ever been this sick in my life. I stayed at work this am and had a nurse put a IV in me and give me a 2 liter bolus of IV fluids. The flu "strain" this year is very bad and I even had my flu shot. I will be around in the next few days as I hopefully recover. I hope everyone had a nice NYE.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

LM,

I was afraid of that. Okay, priority #1 is to take care of yourself, doc. I know that you THINK you are God, but you're not (heehee), so now I'm going to prescribe for you:

Plenty of bedrest
Drink plenty of fluids
Take 2 aspirins and call me in the morning

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

LM, being a doc you know that "the flu" can be very serious and physically devastating. Please, please, PUHLEEZE take care of yourself, have some Jewish Chicken Soup (aka penicillin--haha), and give your bod what it needs to heal.


CJ

(P.S. for those of you sort of lurking out there, yep--this is also sometimes common. When the D is final, there is sometimes a physical reaction similiar to collapsing from exhaustion. I suspect LM really has FLU, but if you suddenly feel just bone-exhausted, it's kinda normal.)

((((((((((Hugs, LM)))))))))) Take CARE!!

Lemonman -

I hope you are feeling better soon. Also hope you don't temper your posts. It would be a very boring board if everyone gave the same advice.

In fact, your viewpoint is starting to rub off on me. I have come to realize that I don't want my WH back - his actions are disrespectful and just plain sleezy. I wouldn't want him as a friend, much less a husband.

Hope things go better for you in the New Year.

I'm mostly a lurker, occasionally a poster. I find I have to add my 2 cents worth to Faithful's thread. Faithful & Lemonman you've both have been right on with things you've said here. Lemonman, I've been one of those that you might describe as having illusions of a happy marriage before the A. I'll throw in another perspective asking the question "was it an illusion or a reality based on false premises?" which I think ties into something Faithful said. In a session with my IC she noted that as children we unknowingly develop "rules". Growing up with an alcoholic father who was so insecure anything he perceived as a challenge to his manhood and control put him into rages that were terrifying. Add sexual abuse to that & you've got quite a package. I realized my "rules" led to me growing into an adult that did not have good boundaries for how I was treated. Underlying that was the "rule" that I wouldn't be loved if I rocked the boat. So my pre-A happy marriage was possible because I accepted so much c**p. As in my childhood most of the time I accepted this without seeing what it was doing to me. Occasionally the pain would surface & I'd start to get a different picture of things. But my childhood "rules" would kick in & I'd place the blame on myself. I ended up being nearly debilitated by depression. Faithful's right, it's a long road out of that kind of thinking. Through IC, reading (Dance of Anger, HNHN & more plus the MB forum), lots of introspection & writing I'm uncovering more & more about myself & learning to set better boundaries. Being able to read postings from so many perspectives has been a tremendous help to me. There are times where the softer, gentler observations & questions are all I'm able to deal with. At other times I'm at a stage in my development where the call-it-as-you-see-it approach gives me the most fantastic thought provoking wakeup call. As different posters point out seemingly opposing perspectives on an issue, I'm able to step outside my personal thoughts & learn from the different viewpoints presented. So, to each & every one of you I want to extend my thanks. Your uniqueness is what makes the MB forum work for me. Because we all come from different starting points & are at different stages in our recovery, what may be considered a 2x4 by some could be the right between the eyes ah-hah some of us need. Even the discussions of whether something is a 2x4 or not seems to be a thoughtful excercise about boundaries. Again, thanks to all.

Note: name change from "wifeof35years" to reflect my change in focus to build a healthier, stronger me.