I haven't posted in a really, really long time.
I thought some of you might get a kick out of this latest exchange with exH.

exH asked me out for a holiday dinner. It's been a year since we divorced and we have some relatively friendly contact, but I wouldn't say we're close or in regular communication.

exH told me he was lonely and still loved me but that he knew he could never recover our marriage (whatever). Then he asked whether it would be okay with me if maybe he re-pursued his relationship with the x-OW. What?

A sane person does not ask their ex-wife whehter or not they'd be okay with dating their ex-OW.

I am glad to be free for the most part from this big mind F*(#. Sorry for the swear word, but I really have no other way to express my shock.

Hi USH,

Good to hear from you. Looking back it was fog wasn't it? LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Glad you aren't caught up in it. After a while even the WS can see there is no happiness to be gotten in the fog. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So he isn't happy? Repersue the OW? What's the matter is she slippery? What happened to his investment into the A? I mean really. If was enough to lose his M over, then where's his interest now? Why isn't he reeling all his benefit from the A in..... or is he? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

So it goes with the A. An endless pursuit of elusive happiness. Like all manufactured stimulants, they have an end. A hard and hurtful end.

Glad to see you are not as hurt with all this fog babble.

Aloha,
L.

You know, sometimes I think they are all crazy!

I don't know how you responded, but I think I would have been laughing so hard he would have ran out in embarassment!

I know I need to get off of this site for awhile though, because sometimes I don't think I ever want to date again. A VERY good friend and nothing more (if you know what I mean) is starting to sound pretty good to me. One whom I don't expect anything from, except a good time.

Orchid & Weaver --

Thanks. I really should post again more often. I didn't think I had much to offer since my marriage ended, but I now realize that it ended with a lot more peace and saneness on my part due to this forum and going through plan A and plan B.

I just started dating someone three months ago and he is a wonderful man. I am pretty darn happy these days.

How did I respond? I took a big breath and said "You do what you want, but if you're asking for my blessing you aren't going to get it". HE then said he wasn't even sure he wanted to pursue the relationship with the strumpet again. Whatever.

I am really and truly glad to NOT be living this horror show anymore. This latest interaction put a fine point on why I needed to not be married to him anymore. I still care for him, but I couldn't live this wacky and manipulative life anymore after three years of it.

Since you have no children with him, and you do have a boyfriend who makes you happy, what is the point of continuing contact with him?

The guys seems like a 'crazymaker' to me. That is a person who will make your life crazy if you don't draw some good boundries.

A good boundry might be to make all contact with him civil, short, and as infrequent as possible.

USH,

It's very good to hear from you again...you were one of the BS's whom I felt was such a "class act".

I am delighted to hear you are happily dating!!!

I am continuously amazed with the fog-ese spoken by WSs. Your's takes the cake, as though you had a vote the first time he became involved with his OP!!

We could use your insight around here...hope you post more!!

Justinexplorer - Thanks. You are so right that exH is a "crazymaker". It was that realization that finally clicked in my head and got me to file for a D. Why do we still have any contact? Unfortunately, we are linked professionally and there's really no way to not have contact with either H or the xOW. That said, it is very limited contact to a phone call or a meeting every month or so and I won't engage in non-professional chit chat as much as possible.

The invitation to have a holiday dinner together at a restaurant SEEMED harmless. He said he wanted to try and be friends several months ago and that he was not seeing OW - at that point I said no because I hadn't enough distance from it all. I hadn't seen him socially in more than 9 months, had sold the house we shared together, and he knew I was dating someone else. I had no idea or had forgotten how selfish and manipulative he could be - albeit he's got a whole host of other issues he's finally seeing a therapist for that swirl around in all of this.

Now I know some would say get a different job so that you don't have contact with exH and exOW, but I worked very very hard for a long time to get to the position where I am in a limited field. In addition to that, I shouldn't have to change my life any more than I have to do what I love, am good at, and get paid well because these two idiots decided to have an illicit affair.

CSue -So good to hear from you. I'm going to try and read and post more. I needed some distance in getting through my own bizarre divorce. I need to dig through your posts to find what's happened to you.

Hi ush,

That is pretty funny.I wonder though,does the former OW know about your EXWH's intentions? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It would be interesting to me to know who broke up with whom and why your XWH would go back to this person again for another round? LOL.It's like a soap opera,no?

I agree that although I have not had marital recovery,I really do have personal recovery and am getting better each day in little increments in part,due to this place.It was a boost for me knowing that I was not crazy and that there were other's out there like me.It's been a constant source of validation that I am doing the right thing.

You sound like a person who has her head on straight and I am glad for you that you found a nice man to spend time with.One day,I look forward to that too when I am healed after this D I am enduring.

Good luck to you and thanks for sharing your story.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 31, 2004, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>