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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575 |
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> tap...tap...tap...LOL
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,575 |
john---saying your not a good one is the guilt talking...like i tell my husband....one bad choice doesnt have to define who you are. it can only do that if you wallow in the guilt and stay there. then you are letting it define you.
come on---we can work through this....
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,193
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,193 |
saying your not a good one is the guilt talking
And I have ALOT of guilt. And lately it keeps getting worse.
I havent had time to read much more yet.
She stll has very raw pain over the triggers. I know, its only been a few days. But she honestly seems willing to discount everything I hhave done right and call it quits.
Im starting to feel like she wants nothing but to punish me. She has no idea how much I have punished myself. How bad this hurts me, to know I have done this to my family.
Well, we need to get packing. I work a 24 hour shift tomorrow then move on Tuesday.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,612
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Posts: 1,612 |
John,
Can I just remind you like everyone else that having an affair EA or PA doesn't make anyone a bad person. Oscar Schindler was a terrible husband, had many affairs and neglected his wife. And he rescued thousands of Jews during the holocast. What do you think he is remembered for?
Tiggy
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,193
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Joined: Aug 2004
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Thanks tiggy - I think.
I know Im not a bad person. I was just a bad husband. But that is something I can, will and am going to change.
I think IBTH hit on something. I cant cry, so she cant see me cry. Maybe time to go off the ADs for a little bit, or just go to every other day.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,612
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,612 |
John, I did mean it well. I am sorry if there was a question in your mind. Somedays I just don't make sense, even to myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I do mean well. I like you and don't want to club you or anything. You are a good man John. I believe that. Even if you think you are still *in the rough.*
And maybe you could taper off the ADs. I would check with the doc before going cold turkey. I asked my doctor recently about going off of them and he said that he would want me to taper off first, since severe depression can be a side effect of quitting cold turkey.
Tiggy
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,612
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,612 |
Oh and by the way, I was trying to use old Oscar Schindler as an extreme example of husband gone bad. From your story you are no where near his low category of husband. I think you are made of good stuff and just went down the wrong path for a while.
Tiggy
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,193
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,193 |
I like you and don't want to club you or anything. You are a good man John. I believe that. Even if you think you are still *in the rough.*
I know I am. And there are a few on here ( you being one of the biggest ) who seem to go out of their way to let me know that I am doing good as a FWS trying to recover.
Im a way I thik this board has been bad for me. lol. I can see myself in so many of the WSs talked about on here. So now I have no doubts what I have put her through.
I can also honestly say she went into a fog. Which I really do think is normal. I think most BS go into a fog when recovery starts. All the doubts, focusing on past instead of present actions. Almost the same thing a WS does during the A. Cant see the good through the bad.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,612
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,612 |
I can also honestly say she went into a fog. Which I really do think is normal. I think most BS go into a fog when recovery starts. All the doubts, focusing on past instead of present actions. Almost the same thing a WS does during the A. Cant see the good through the bad.
Yes yes yes. I know I felt very foggy. I was reading my journal from this last year and I wrote several times like I felt paralyzed and frozen and mechanical. When I came out of my somewhat dazed state, the pain was almost crushing. But I am here still. We are surviving and you guys can too.
Tiggy
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