Happy New Year's Eve! I could use some thoughts and advice. I'm at peace with my divorce and XH and OW; however, I'm struggling with the OW's interaction with my kids. I feel like she has made a plan to become their mother and is slowly executing it. I'm not paranoid..there are just so many things happening and she played the situation with my XH and me perfectly-to a tee in fact.
The kids desparately wanted a puppy. I said in a few years due to money and time restraints..she bought them one for at her house and they are very active with it. It was their favorite thing of the year along with the football game (season tickets)she and XH took them to and bought them jerseys from our home state etc., Halloween stuff, dinners, etc..all things my XH would never have planned. They spent Christmas night at her parents house.
I know this does sound nuts but I'm afraid that she is unable to have kids or my XH won't and wants a family with my kids.
What put me over the top this morning was that the kids are spending New Year's Eve with XH and OW (don't live together yet) and meeting people at First Night..great..no alcohol. I was surprised to learn that they are meeting one of my son's sports coaches, who XH was not friends with, and who OW must have befriended and so now she will be invovled with son's sport. XH has not allowed OW to come to a game yet (I'm there) and this is her way around that..so she'll have people to talk to and who know them as a couple. Most people assume (unless I tell them) that XW and I are still married b/c we get along well most of the time.
This is a lot of boring detail and I know I sound insecure..I am I guess but it is more than that..I really think OW is evil and is slowing moving in on my kids.
What do I do? This isn't about me concentrating on me..but about my kids and not knowing anything about the OW except she's 33 and single and no kids.
Thanks for your advice.

I know your situation stinks, but here are my thoughts on your kids and the OW. Don't worry about it so much. You are their mother. Nothing can or will change that. Just continue to be the best mother you can be, and your children will love you, of that I have not doubt.
Michael

i know its hard to deal with i was divorced before this marriage. i have been in a similiar sitch.(she wasnt ow just gf). what i realized is that i was lucky and so was son that onother peron on this earth loved him enough to care. i knew i would never be replaced...im the mom. and a pretty good one at that, so i was confident there. it was a blessing....especially when you think about the flip side of the coin...she could be miserable and torturing your children.

I know it is hard BECAUSE she was the OW, but I have to agree with Nikko that I would be relieved that she is being good to my kids. I have heard too many stories of gf's and new wives keeping the kids away from the dad and being mean to the step kids. You are their mom. That will never change and it is good to know that she is not abusing your kids. Sorry about feeling so bad. I know your feelings are sincere. I would hate to share my kids with anyone. That is one of the reasons I am still m'd. Try to enjoy yourself this evening and have a blessed New Year.

Your children are young and impressionable and I would feel just like you. She would know that buying a puppy would make her a Goddess in their eyes. Hope it sh*tes all over her house and chews up her best shoes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

You know, if you really want to screw up her life, you should take the three children over and say, "here you are, they're all yours". Let her take on 3 kids and a puppy. She's used to giving them back.

So now I've decided perhaps I am evil. I got so pissed off when within 6 weeks of Dday, our OW was sending round a birthday gift for my eldest daughter and easter gifts for all of us. So inappropriate. I really don't know how you can deal with it if every time they see your XH, she is included too. Couldn't you suggest that your XH spends some time with them alone? Wishing you all the best in 2005. TT

Hi CS,

I am sure you will get many different responses but here is my take on on this subject.

First of all,it is obvious that a manipulator like an OW will know just how to "win over" your kids and she is implementing that right now.It's her way of ingratiating herself into the family.But IMO she really has NO right to be around the kids at all.They are small and don't understand but when they are older,I would bet they will feel some disgust over the fact that they are being paraded around this woman who was actively involved in the destruction of their parent's marriage.That to me is sick!! But until they are older and can make decisions for themselves,you must decide with how best to make this easiest on your kids without totally giving up the farm.Do you have sole custody or joint?

Please don't feel insecure about what you are feeling.I feel the same way and I am not quite dealing with this scenario first hand although I am sure it is coming my way.My WH is just waiting to have his moment to introduce our children even though everyone in both our families is totally disgusted with the homewrecker and don't want to know a thing about her.

If you have joint custody,just be the best parent you can be for them while in your care.And,let your ex know that although you "appreciate" gifts given to the children,make sure the OW doesn't overstep her boundaries and purchase things for them that only YOU and the exWH should be evaluating.Right now the OW has no rights to your kids and what is best for them.IMO she never will but if one day your ex makes her the new wifey(puke) she may try to further assert her "authority".I don't necessarily agree with the idea that this OW "loves" your kids but rather she is just trying to firmly settle herself into this new life she OBTAINED wrongly.

As hard as it may be,try to look past the material things that the OW will try to manipulate your kids with and keep maintaining a healthy,loving environment for them while with you.Kids still need limits set,whether they balk at it or not.They will appreciate you holding them to their responsibilities and not trying to BUY THEM.You are still their advocate,don't let this OW usurp your parental rights.

O

<small>[ December 31, 2004, 11:17 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Thanks for your responses. Yes, I am thankful that OW is kind to my kids; however, I seriously question her motivation and where she wants the kindness to lead to.
Yes, I laughed about the puppy droppings comment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ..that is one saving grace about the situation! And boy...sending presents after 6 wks? Yuk.
I know I am the Mom and always will be. We have joint custody (every other weekend with their Dad) and I am the primary caretaker. So, contact with OW is somewhat limited unless they see their Dad on a holiday, day off of school,etc. He takes them to school most mornings from my house.
I don't know how this woman lives with herself and it is that fact that she can that scares the heck out of me and what she may have planned for the future.
Thanks for all of your answers..it helps to know that I'm not alone..although I'm sorry that we're here at all.