I called my H to ask a logistical question, and we had a nice normal conversation. He asked how our daughter (the one who won't speak to him) was doing at college (she has been gone over a month, and this is the first time he has asked about her), talked a bit about our other kids and other misc. stuff, most of it not critically important. It is ironic that he will usually make time to talk to me when he is at work, but he never calls me unless he has to, and he won't talk to me when he comes to see the kids for more than a couple of minutes. I don't understand why he is uncomfortable and in such a hurry here. Sometimes I think I should call him regularly, if for no other reason than to help keep him connected to the kids.<P>Could the OW be keeping such close tabs on him that a few minutes would be a problem, or is there some other reason? It is strange that he gets paged (presumably by her) quite often as he is getting ready to leave here, particularly if he is a few minutes later than normal. My son said that both times that he took them over to her house for the weekend, she called him en route.

Hi Nellie-<P>I've been thinking about you alot. Are you doing ok?<BR>You know I don't have any great advice to give you, since we are married to the same man in different bodies.<BR>I think that you just need to keep doing what your doing. Make your conversations as pleasant as possible. Keep up that Plan A. How long have you been on Plan A? Maybe you should start Plan B. I know is it very hard when children are involved.<BR>I keep meaning to ask you, Your H filed D , right? Have you responded yet and have you been to court? Have you had a temporary hearing for child support, ect?<P>I'm here for you. E-mail me if you ever want to (cc7315@yahoo.com)<P>Cheryl<BR>

Hi Nellie -<P>I think that it's partly the OW on his back about time (a little insecurity there perhaps!!) and partly what I call the Jekyll/Hyde mode!!<P>He's not only caused himself to be in the lying double life when he entangled himself with OW --- now, he's got to play it with OW about you!!!!<P>Kind of funny if you step back and look at how complicated he is making his life!! <P>I don't think I will ever understand how they think......mine does the same thing!!<P>She (they?) pages him when he is here also!!! Even started doing it before we were separated.<P>It's all just to sick and ridiculous - these games that they turn their lives into.<P>Unfortunately, we (and the children you have) have to be dragged into the game with them.<P>Hugs and Strength to you. Just keep doing what you're doing and take care of you and the kids.<P>OH - How's the job going?<P>Sheba<P>

Nellie, you have been very consistent in reporting his behavior. I think you are absolutely right on this one.<P>She's insecure! YES! And he's comfortable to talk with you while he is at work! I think the key here is to not make any more demands on him, but see how you can be the knight in shining armor for helping him feel safe and without demands! You can be the friend, that he's not going to get with an insecure OW!!!! Wow. This is great.<P>Yeah, how is that job anyhow?<BR>

Time, Patience and True Love and Sweet Memories, are all on your side, Nellie.

Thanks for the replies. The job is going well - it is really a nice place to work. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong, though, since everyone else there is married.<P>All of the 4 kids still at home are sick. Last year no one got sick even once, but since June they have been sick three times, and it usually hits all of them. <BR>

Sadness, anger and stress that is in your home because of all that has happened can weaken your immune system.<P>Actually, my system does the opposite. My system seems to think that stress is a virus or a bacteria or something, and I have an overactive autoimmune system. I developed antibodies to my thyroid, and it went into overdrive! Now I have Graves Disease.<P>So, if everyone is sick more often from all this stress, it could be a real blessing in disguise. Instead of going into overdrive, it could be leaving the body with less defenses.<P>You are going to be okay, Nellie. We are thinking about you all the time.<P>God bless.