Happy New Year, everyone! I don’t know about you, but I am looking forward to having a whole new year—fresh and clean, with a whole new start. I have reflected upon 2004, and for me as an individual, it was not a bad year: I left a job that I tolerated and started a job that I LOVE—I started doing my life’s calling (yay!!)—I got my finances settled—I got my kids pretty settled—I lost my gramma dog—and I think I got a long way toward my own personal healing and personal responsibility. So, after a year that was “not too bad†I’m looking forward to entering a new year so that I can start my first GREAT year since the whole affair and divorce!!
The reason I’m writing today is that I went to see the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know?†and it opened my eyes to something. I had decided that this year the two areas of my life that I was going to concentrate on were #1) getting more healthy and fit, and #2) my love life (or lack thereof). So toward the end of the year, I began doing yoga and tai chi for #1, and doing more thinking about the type of partner I want in my life, praying about bringing that person into my life, etc. for #2. I also began stuff like virtually writing down some of the traits and characteristics that I’d like too!! Anyway, at this movie today, they were discussing how love is a biochemical reaction—anticipation of the chemicals being released that we associate with the emotion “loveâ€. This seems to coincide with both the “meeting emotional needs†theory and the “Why We Love†theory of biochemistry.
Add to the soup of my thoughts, something that a male friend of mine said the other day. This fella is actually a pretty good friend with whom I have been friends for about two years; he’s kind and gentlemanly despite the fact that he’s more than 6ft. tall and probably about 275 lbs. of muscular football type. He’s HUGE! Anyway, this guy met my exH a couple of times and he calls the ex “wolfa$$†because he says that the ex acts like an a$$. Hmmmm…at first I was a little put off by the name-calling, but it got me thinking. Shortly after that convo, I had a chance to go out with the male friend and the next day I had to meet with the ex. Lo and behold, my friend was RIGHT and I hadn’t really noticed! I mean…I knew it in my head but never SAW it. The whole time I was with my friend, he was interested, considerate, joking, pleasant, caring, trustworthy, friendly and memorable! My ex, on the other hand, was self-centered, teased the waitress, crude, unpleasant, and just sort of nasty. I remember thinking, at the end of the meeting, as if he never even noticed ME or what I thought or felt—whereas the male friend not only noticed, but seemed interested.
SOOOOOOOoooooooooo…stirring the proverbial soup, what I began to wonder/discover is that I think part of my “anticipation of the chemicals being released that we associate with the emotion love†may have two components that I don’t want: 1) love=being hurt, and 2) love=a guy who acts crude. (That’s the very simplistic way of stating it, but I hope you understand what I’m saying.) Generally, when I encounter a guy on the “dating scene†who is like my FRIEND, I tend to feel a little “bored†or like there’s something missing; but when I meet a guy who really lights my fire, he tends to be not the kind of guy I really want! Remember the guy who came to my house and wanted sex on the second date?? So, I think I have made a MAJOR discovery. In the same way that living in a peaceful home felt sort of “boring†at first (because I was used to the crisis and drama of abuse), dating a guy who is actually GOOD FOR ME may not be what my brain is anticipating as the chemicals associated with the emotion love!! The times I have been with someone that I would call “love†have either ended in sexual abuse (dad) or 13 affairs (exH)—so when I actually find someone who is good for me, it should feel QUITE DIFFERENT!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
This is going to be quite a different new year.
CJ
