Hey everybody!
Well, I had a great holiday and hope all of you did also. Lots of things have happened since before Christmas.
My sister-in-law has called ME trash even though her brother is having an affair, my in-laws are totally ignoring me and treating me like I did something very wrong,and my WH is acting even crazier. I filed my response to my WH DV papers and have had some problems there. I feel so totally alone now that my parents have left to go back to SC. It's been a rough ride here these last few weeks. Even through all of that my parents managed to help make our Christmas wonderful!!!!!!!!
Now I'm back home and ready to face all the crap that's coming my way. Uggghhhh!

TR, Glad to see your home safe. Been dealing with my own crappy rollercoaster too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Happy New Year .... It can only get better right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hi, Tree. Welcome back. Those ILs. I can soooo relate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My MIL says I am forcing my WH on to social assitance and me too by exposing his EA/PA to the military. HUH?

My SIL on the other hand, so far has been in my corner. But, not counting on it.

What did you say to SIL? What have you said to ILs about their stand. I have blocked my MILs email addy and her #

Hi TJ and Fightingalone!
Well, my SIL didn't say it to me. She said it to a good friend of mine. I haven't seen my SIL since the night we had words at my son's Christmas program. I will have to see her tomorrow....I just don't know if I will be able to keep my mouth shut.
I'm a little irritated right now.....my WH called my son to say hi....first of all he hasn't seen him in 2 weeks but yet didn't ask if he could see our son today. You would think since we are back home he would want to see his son. Uggghhhh! Another reason I'm ticked....WH told my MIL to take our dog to get his nails clipped. Well, that's fine but she's bringing him home instead of my WH. He knows I hate her and that she will say something mean to me (maybe that's why he's sending her instead of coming himself). I am just so ticked off right now. I don't want to see that witch. She has done nothing for us and she is so mean! I'm done being nice and I'm going to chew any of them to bits if they start with me. I've tried so hard to keep my mouth shut but I've just had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!

UUUGggghhhhhhh~!!!!!

Tree -

Does it surprise you that your MIL is acting like she is? After all, blood is thicker than water. My in-laws used to think I was the most wonderful thing that happened to my husband. Until he had the affair. Since then, they have made excuses for him, and entertained the OW. Oh well, their loss. I have written them off.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm done being nice and I'm going to chew any of them to bits if they start with me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All too quickly your son will be growing up. And as he grows, there will be events where these people you have "chewed to bits" will likely attend. Parties, ceremonies, and all the usual threshold events a young person looks forward to.

I know you do not want to hear this... please consider your son's future with these people. Be "polite" for his sake.

All you will gain by "chewing them to bits" is a momentary sense of control and satisfaction of release of pent up anger.

But you will lose as well. And some of what you risk losing is your son's peace and enjoyment at his future events such as graduation, wedding, and the like.

As an example:

My sister created so much animosity between herself and her XH and his wife that, at their daughter's wedding, my sister burst into tears because her daughter allowed the step-mom to perform certain duties ... and it was all-around a miserable situation for the bride to have her event tarnished by her patents' inability to get along in public.

For your son's future, as well as for your own integrity, I support your behaving honestly AND as dignified as possible.

Pep

Thanks Pep! I needed to hear that! I do want my son to grow up and be a strong, healthy,happy child. I know that should be the better person. It's just so hard....as we all know! I will do my best to keep my mouth shut and keep my integrity!
I'm just so hurt and angry at how him and his family have treated me. I guess I can only be the better person and hope that they will continue to see what a good person I am and what their son and brother lost out on.
Thanks Pep.....I'm trying! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

believer...I guess I'm not surprised just hurt.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know that should be the better person. It's just so hard....as we all know!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, me too!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> will do my best to keep my mouth shut and keep my integrity!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I donno you necessarily have to keep your mouth shut.

Here's a little thingy you can try with MIL when she returns the dog ---> ask her questions about herself:

"How are YOU holding up under all this stress? Have you been feeling well?"

Listen to what she says... then ask another question about herself:

"What fun things are you planning to treat yourself with in 2005?"

Catch her off guard with your interest in her.

Pep

<small>[ January 02, 2005, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Tree - Don't be hurt. That is the way things go. My SIL were great friends and did everything together. When WH started cheating, he lied and made me feel like I was crazy. She sided with him.

Next he moved OW in with him. SIL didn't believe it. Then he went through over $100,000. of our money. SIL didn't believe it.

Finally I was furious with WH as I had his dog and he refused to come see her. Would not buy food, or do anything for her. I took dog to his house and tied her to WH's OW's car. My SIL - who never liked the dog at all, was furious with me. OW's car was in the driveway of WH's house, and there was nothing unsafe for the dog. I think SIL was just waiting for me to do something to justify her brother's behavior.

So you just can't win with relatives. I have written my SIL off, but you still need to be cordial with your MIL for your son's benefit. Look at it as a character building experience.

I am so glad I'm on good terms with my Inlaws. They have been so supportive to me and my kids. Everybody can't figure out what's with WH. I'm glad I exposed first and had very good evidence.

Do try to stay on good terms with your own inlaws. As long as you have kids, they will always be in your lives.

On Friday afternoon I received a very unexpected phone call from my father-in-law after 2.5 years. He told me that he received a phone call from his "frantic" son because I will not give our marriage a chance. In spite of the fact that my inlaws and I have not been in touch, my father-in-law apparently humbled himself and gathered lots of courage to call after all this time. He explained what his son had said, and I very sweetly told him that the door has been open, but unceremoniously slammed in my face too many times to count. If he truly wanted "us" as a family back, he had to do what was appropriate, end the affair (he's living with OW) in front of me. Just before hanging up, my FIL said that I was too good because that is the least the his son could do for all of the turmoil, hurt, and division that he had caused in all of our lives. He said, "He will tell son and call me back." LOL, um, the phone hasn't quite rung yet, either from FIL or his son (my WH). And to think, I actually had a flicker of excitement that he really may be serious by having HIS parents call after 2.5 years. Imagine the egg on their face for their son vascillating yet again. Oh, and he is going away for a month to No. Carolina for work. Hasn't called the children to say goodbye or even trying to breach the chasm between them. Ugh, I cannot even believe that I even entertained "excitement" at the possibility. It is apparent that there are cases where WS just never wake up...my take on this is....so what....my payback....his parents have now officially caught him in action (and not just hearing it from everyone)....now WS has no one who believes him...no parents, no children, no wife, no friends, no coworkers....just the OW who so desperately covets the title Mrs.....she'll be sorry!!!! But I hope I'm around to witness it....lol.

Happy Holidays to all!!!

I totally understand what you are saying believer.
I just avoid my MIL. I try not to be anywhere near her. She is an evil woman...not joking!
She just called me and left me a message about my dog. At the end of the message...in a very rude tone....she said "Call me back, I'm sure you still know the number." UGGGGHHHHHH!
I called back and than goodness got my FIL. He was very nice and said he would bring my dog home shortly.
I just can't be nice to my MIL. She is the devil!

I totally understand what you are saying believer.
I just avoid my MIL. I try not to be anywhere near her. She is an evil woman...not joking!
She just called me and left me a message about my dog. At the end of the message...in a very rude tone....she said "Call me back, I'm sure you still know the number." UGGGGHHHHHH!
I called back and than goodness got my FIL. He was very nice and said he would bring my dog home shortly.
I just can't be nice to my MIL. She is the devil!