Yep, 12 years next sunday. I keep thinking about last anniversary, when I didn't know about the A, but knew that something wasn't right. About the holding hands, she saying "I love you" and SF at the end of the evening.

Now this year, she will not say she loves me, is adamant that she does not love me romantically. We have SF but she is clearly doing it for me, wants me to "finish" ASAP. No snuggling afterwards. I ALWAYS initiate. Says sex with OM wasn't better, but she felt a connection and "wanted" sex with him.

Told me not to get her a gift (too late). Suspect out of guilt. My Christmas gift from her was also for our anniversay (my suggestation). We will go out and get a fabulous meal down on the water on the bay of Naples in the shadow of MT Vesuvius (which will bring up triggers for each of us). Then we will go home, and maybe SF, but will feel empty and forced.

2004 was the worst year of my life, hoping this year will mark an improvement in my life. Any ideas how I can make this anniversay a good one w/o looking like I am trying to win her over to stay married. I want to celebrate this marriage, our 2 daugthers, our memories, and hopefully our future.

Is she having verified NC with OM?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Is she having verified NC with OM? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">excellent question!

Pep

I feel for you. My 15 anniv. will be the 20th of this month. I've decided to make it "son and mom day" every year. I plan on taking my son out to dinner and a movie of his choice. I have to do something other than sit home all day and night and cry.
Last year on my anniv. me and my WH talked about going to Vegas for our 15th...little did I know he was having an affair at the time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

betrayed man,--

boy have i thought about that. there seems to be some simularities in our situation.
although i have more time to think about it. our 19th annev. is not until april, but i have already figured out it will be exactly 6 months to the day since DD.

i agree about 2004 being the worst ever, hopefully, 2005 will be the best ever.


i guess the only thing i can think of, is while you are out, don't talk about the future, remember and talk about all the good times and things you have shared together. i know that is easier said then done, but that is what i would do.

let me know how it goes, as i will be wondering what to do for the next 4 months.

good luck,

arjdad

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is she having verified NC with OM?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, but the question is do I believe her? Man, do I want to. She admitted that the OM did call her about 7-8 weeks ago, but call only lasted a few minutes with her asking him not to call again. Swears she did not give him her new cell #. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She started working full time today again (she is a teacher). While this will be good to fill her time to keep her mind off of OM, it provides other problems, she has a phone in her classroom, so she could contact him that way (or vice versa) and I will have no way of knowing. I know with about 99% certainity she has not seen him in 6-7 months unless she has gotten very creative and is having friends cover/lie for her. I know all her friends, and I don't think any would do that. I told her if she does ever see him again intentionally, we are through. I mean it, and she knows it.

She would never iniatate a divorce, she is too scared of being w/o the girls' father as well as the shame/guilt that she will go through when her parents and family find out about the A. We leave Italy this summer, so we really can put behind the A and move on in the States.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i guess the only thing i can think of, is while you are out, don't talk about the future, remember and talk about all the good times and things you have shared together. i know that is easier said then done, but that is what i would do. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's pretty much the plan. We are planning on going out Saturday nite vice Sunday, makes it easier for sitters and restaurants. She actually took the iniative and got the sitter lined up, so I am taking that as a good sign. I'll keep you posted on how it shakes out.