Hey All:

We've all been there: "It just happened", "you drove me into his/her arms", "I couldn't help myself"... but I've never seen someone offer a list for those selfish ones who had no choice but to find romance with someone other than their spouse. (Affecting so many lives along the way!)

So here is the start of a list of choices to offer those who are thinking of cheating in their M.

List anything; funny, absurd, serious, etc. (Since I'm starting the list; I've got the first 2):

1. Move into your parents house so that we can effectively work on the issues/emotional needs that we need to work on.

2. Look in the mirror.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

So here is the start of a list of choices to offer those who are thinking of cheating in their M.

1. Move into your parents house so that we can effectively work on the issues/emotional needs that we need to work on.

2. Look in the mirror. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3. Write a letter to your children explaining how you are planning to cheat on their Mommy or Daddy.

Pep

Maybe I'm reading this all wrong. But to even suggest that there are alternatives to Adultery is to somehow make Adultery a viable alternative to marital problems.

I reject this assumption.

It is the equivalent to proposing that robbing a bank is an alternative to not making enough money in your current job. Or to carry it even more rediculously, (or dangerously <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )further, how about using physical abuse as an alternative to adultery. People choose these paths but I would not call them alternatives.

Adultery is not an alternative to a floundering, unfullfilling marriage. Adultery is an exercise of a moral and ethical failure of character.

Many people, as are evident here, are able to overcome this failure. But only if they recognize it as a failure, and not an alternative. Otherwise .... it will be an alternative the next time they feel their marriages are unfullfilling or floundering.

JMHO

Go to marriage counseling before it becomes urgent.

Serious:

1) Take a trip over to MB forum and read Just Found Out and General Questions. See what you are about to do to your unwitting spouse.

2) Decide that conflict avoidance gets you no where and it's time to GET YOUR NEEDS MET. Become a TAKER. Be open with your spouse, tell them you're unhappy and tell them why. Be selfish and allow your spouse to try and meet your needs. Make sure you meet some of their's too or this approach will not work.

3)Take a trip to TOW and see how conniving some of those OPS can be. Then look at the "ending" forum and see what how what they'll really think of you after.

Humourous:

um....trying....

1) Stick some needles into the webbing between your spouse's toes and make them walk two miles like that. Push them once in awhile for the extra fun. Believe me, it will hurt less than your affair.

Oh sorry..guess that wasn't so funny.

*editing to add another alternative*

Get a new puppy who needs your love and attention. Watch how that puppy loves you with just a little TLC. Get your spouse involved with it. Compare to your marriage and understand that making it work is hard...but not rocket science.

<small>[ January 02, 2005, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: maddyk ]</small>

Maddy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1) Stick some needles into the webbing between your spouse's toes and make them walk two miles like that. Push them once in awhile for the extra fun. Believe me, it will hurt less than your affair.

Oh sorry..guess that wasn't so funny.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I could make that trade right now I would. That's the best you can do? Always said you were too nice.

I also said you can learn everything you need to know from a dog.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> woof woof

<small>[ January 02, 2005, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Well geez, TJ...I tried...lol...maybe I was just hurt a little less than others?

TJ:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe I'm reading this all wrong. But to even suggest that there are alternatives to Adultery is to somehow make Adultery a viable alternative to marital problems. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And to think that my XWS accused me of being "too literal"!! No; adultery should not be a viable alternative to anything - I agree. But adultery is alive and unfortunately, sometimes it's the first choice when M is conflicted. Hence the point of my post.

Pep, Carol, Maddy - Good ones.
Maddy - OUCH!

How about this one: "If you would just put 10% of the effort and imagination into our M that you're about to put into hiding this A; we would be awesome together!!!"