Sometimes I just kill myself. I was kind of low earlier and I was thinking about my Plan A that I will put into action once I get back to Victoria in 11 days. I know I need to do it. But, I had no specifics. I work best when there is a PLAN to follow. Now, I am by nature a strategist and a planner. So, I was going over WHs ENs. His #1 is Financial Support (don’t get me started on that one!). But in 2nd or 3rd position is Recreational Activities.

So I remembered the conversation that L and I had on NY Day that WH had started to organize his own Dragon Boat team at the event on NYs Eve that WH likely took OW to instead of being with DD – who he left alone with 2 other kids, waiting all dressed up for him to come back home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

When WH and I had filled out the ENs questionnaire, Dragon Boating was on both our lists. So, I emailed WH and said that DD12 and I could hardly wait to start Dragon Boating with him. Then I emailed L to ask what supplies and rentals we would need. (That is killing 2 birds with one stone as L is an enabler of the PA, I think) GGRRR.

Then I emailed SIL and WH and my mutual friends and asked them to join WHs team as well.

Next, as WH is on duty all night, I emailed him at work with this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I sent an email to your personal email but thought since you are on duty, I would let you know that I am interested in starting the Dragon Boating with you and DD12. I had mentioned that to you months ago and I am finally in a position to commit. Yay! I also volunteer to do the scheduling and the contact management and organizing (cause that's what I'm good at). As I know it is sometimes hard to get a full team, I have contacted SIL to see if she would be interested. I know SIL is a strong woman cause of her hockey stuff. I am thinking of K as well. She plays football and so is very strong as well. You might just get a kick a$$ team. Don't know many men, though. But you know lots on base. You never know, we could come up with a couple of teams between all of us and our contacts.

I asked L already about equipment, fees and oars. Is there an oar rental place or something. Life jackets, etc?

It should be fun. I am looking forward to it. What do you think? Who else can I ask? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Won’t WH be surprised? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> And, he can’t say no as Dragon Boating is open to everyone. Oh, and does anyone think that OW will show her face with me, DD, SIL and OUR friends all in the same boat? And, as his ship mates only know me by what WH has told them about the crazy psycho bit+ch wife, Gee, they get to see me first hand. Aww won’t that be a shame. I can be [b]VERY[b/] charming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Orchid, this is my version of Plan A with a Reverse Babble Action Twist. What do you think?

Anything I missed?

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 05:37 AM: Message edited by: fightingalone-again ]</small>

Well FAA, you are certainly one fisty lady. I can see where your daugther gets her survival tactics from. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the event, it may or may not work out in your favor. YOu have to rely on many people and things which are beyond your control. But do your best and see how it works out.

As for other people seeing the truth, I gotta tell you a story about another SIL. Actually I have several good SILs and 2 drama queens. Drama queen #2 did not want to invite H's family to the wedding. That included us but we are an ocean away so no biggie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Her younger brother and his wife had a dinner and invited all family in their area and sent an invitation addressed to her H's family. Nor Mr/Mrs..... but Vargas Family..... Anyway since SIL (28) and new boy H (20 year old kid) that she married.... lives with his parents and 2 other younger children in a 2 bedroom duplex..... the mother (who is traditional Mexican) thought the letter was for her family, opened the invitation and accepted it as for the entire family to attend.

That was a bit of a surprise but what my in-laws learned was even more. Evidently the Mexican family was told that this white causasian family were lunatics, that they abused this poor helpless SIL. Not true but it gets better. SIL stomped around the house slamming doors that whole week prior to the dinner but the mom said she was going anyway. The father did not go since he believed our family was going to do some crazy thing to this poor supposedly helpless white girl.... Gotta show the difference in culture because it does affect the outcome.

So Saturday night rolls around and about 4 families show up for the dinner. Let's see 2 of H's brothers married girls from Ecuador and Mexico. The other married an Indian girl and other SIL is married to a Jewish guy.

So this mixture of cultures had a nice dinner with my FIL & MIL. At the end of the evening, the mother tells my Mexican SIL in spanish that she is shocked she had a nice time. She and her family were prepared to have a bad night since she had heard sooo many evil stories about this clan. LOL!!!!

Mexican SIL told her, yes the family does have issues like many but what was she told. Then the wave of stories came gushing out including the one that the family refused to attend the wedding. When the truth was learned, the Mexican mother was relieved to know the truth and said, what she and her family was told just didn't add up.... but now it does.....

We are waiting to hear what else transpired.

So my story is to say that you can fool some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time.

Any WS who thinks the rest of the world will buy off on the lies and abuse a WS gives his/her family is crazy. One day it will catch up.

Just make sure you are at a safe distance.

take care,
L.

FAA:

Plan A????????????? I would be kicking that sum bit%$# A$$ to the curb for good with a Plan D. Hey, but that's just me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I don't have any other "MB" advice for you, but just some support. Keep your chin up.

LM

Orchid, and LM. I guess by now you know that I am not a very MB pc kind of woman. Orchid, yes I am feisty.

LM, this Plan A is for ME! Not the Dork! He can go...Well, you can fill in the blanks. This is to show him up for what he is and what is is throwing away. ME! In front of his family and OUR friends. LM, I can't put it all down in one post. But, I AM formidable and smart and a damn good catch. The FID just doesn't remember that. AND, I see a goal and I work towards it. My plans have hundreds of contingencies and unless I go into freak mode, I am in TOTAL control.

So, as far as this Plan is concerned. The things that I gain are time with DD doing something together. Dork will be "uncomfortable" with me there. GOOD! HIs friends will see I am not a nut case. Good. His S will be there. I like her. Our freinds will be there. Good.

OW WILL NOT be there. WH will not like that. AWWW TOugh! I would rather she showed up. It would make it very interesting if she venture into MY world. RIght now, I am operating in the blind here. OW works with WH and they have mutual friends that do not know me. A severe reality check is on order. I am just the person to do that.

Is this a vengeful plan A? Of course. Is it MB? Somewhat. I plan to be my usual fantastic person to be around, WITH MY friends and Family for moral support.

And, even if none of my invited family or friends can do it. So what? WH f****ed over the wrong person. My goal is to Plan A to remind WH of who I am. But reconciling? HHM WH will have to crawl over broken glass for eternity before he gets into my good books again. THE PA is bad enough. But what he did to DD that is another story.

I MIGHT forgive him eventually. Not because he deserves it but because HE will have to realize his screw-ups and take responsibility. And there is a snow ball's chance of that happening. But he is going to counselling when I get there. Then we will see how much of a man he really is.

I am not in despair. I posted on another thread about the 3 furies Erinyes. It describes me:

Tisiphone -the Avenging, Alecto - the Unceasing Megaera - the Grudging [/QUOTE]

Yes, I am a Type 8 enneagram, A field marshall in the kiersey temperament test. I know you didn't ask. BUt what they all say is I am VERY strong, I can be controlling and unyielding. And that is not necessarily bad in this particular disgusting mess I am in. I wallow for a while but NEVER quit until I say it is time. GGRR!

Sorry, if you and I were speaking in person, I could clarify better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by fightingalone-again:
<strong> My goal is to Plan A to remind WH of who I am. But reconciling? HHM WH will have to crawl over broken glass for eternity before he gets into my good books again. THE PA is bad enough. But what he did to DD that is another story.

I MIGHT forgive him eventually. Not because he deserves it but because HE will have to realize his screw-ups and take responsibility. And there is a snow ball's chance of that happening. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I must say your techniques are certainly "unique", but that is what I like about you. I think you probably know in your heart of hearts your WH is not "up to the task" of doing all of these things, but like I said before to you: DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET YOURSELF THROUGH THIS !. YOu are an intelligent woman, who will get through this. Your sad sack of $hit husband (sorry to offend him like this, but his NYE actions towards your DD warrant this) will eventually be served all of his actions in a double dose back to him someday. This never fails, you know this right? Karma is a tough and real thing. I have been on both sides of the Karma thang (not really concerning adultery mind you). I know it is real.

Thanks LM. I appreciate your comments and support. I believe in Karma. What goes around, comes around. I consider it an obligation to help that reality along in any way I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I do quite a bit of self examination. I rarely beat myself up about what I have done. Not because I don't have regrets. But more that you can't change what you have done. Just to learn what worked, what didn't, why and then make the necessary changes.

This is our only life and we must choose how we live it. I consider it a challenge to be able to; at the end of the day, to be proud and happy of how we lived our lives. This makes me a "difficult" person to some folks. I will not back down when I see an injustice. Not just to me but to my friends, family and even ideals. This is a constant irritant to c/a's because I won't let up just on sheer principle. But, as I said, I am proud of that part of me. I am not perfect. Heck, who is? But, I live with myself quite comfortably.

Just curious, what's dragonboating?

Now thats what I call a plan for really KILLING em with kindness...........lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good on ya FAA

Thanks AW. Yes, killing with kindness is a GOOD THING, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HC, Dragon Boating is big up here in Canada and all over the world. WHen there is a festival they are either in Vancouver or Victoria. It is usually at least a couple of days long. With teams from all over the world.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What is Dragon Boat Racing?

A dragon boat team consists of 22 people: a drummer beating time, 20 paddlers seated two abreast (12 guys, 8 girls), and a steersperson guiding a boat that looks a bit like a capsized milk carton. The paddlers work together, stroking in time, moving toward the finish line, while the steersperson ensures that they don't hit objects in the water (or other dragon boats).

A dragon boat race is when you take 4-8 of these boats crammed full of people, line them up and then send them off at the sound of a horn. The distance raced is most commonly 500m (here in Canada), but can range anywhere from 250-1000m. Dragon boat races are held a large regattas, more commonly referred to as Festivals.

Dragon boat festivals are often full day or weekend events filled with paddling and partying. The paddling usually begins relatively early in the morning, and the parties will often last until the latest hours of the night. Festivals are filled with competition, comraderie, laughter, tears, and lots and lots of beer.

The beer grows in gardens, of course.

All joking aside, dragon boating is a serious sport and dragon boaters are serious athletes... and party animals.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you do a search on Google for Dragon Boating, you will get LOTS of links.

Just an update: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> wh emailed me yesterday to say that he was happy that DD was interested but didn't think it would be good if I was there.

My response:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As I said in my voicemail, it's too bad that you feel that way.

However, as we will be going to counselling and will be REQUIRED to spend time together, this is a way of spending FAMILY time together doing something that we are all interested in.

DD called me last night and we talked about it already as well. I apologize that you are having such a hard time with it. However, since we will be with a bunch of other people it shouldn't be too uncomfortable. And, since you and I have to learn to get along, this will be a great start. I look forward to it very much.

I will be there with DD. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then I called him later Plan Aing, joking and laughing and asked, with great concern, if he thought he would be able to handle it. He said he wasn't actually setting up his own team as that was too much money but that he has been asked to join another team. He gave me the name, ANd I said I would still like to try and if nothing else I could volunteer for the team. He said yes, he could handle it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />