Good News to report:
Plan A has worked. My WW has ended her A.
WW came home new years day and said it's over, she ended her A and wants to work on us. I can believe her to because how she's acting toward me. She acting like my W.. not a WW.
She's says she quitting her job (were the OM works) and told me that I can start looking for a job far away, that she is more than willing to move away from the area. (I never even suggested that idea.)
XWW told me she realized I have always loved her and that the OM was full of lies and manipulations.
When we first started talking about the ending of the A she did play the victim, but slowly, she realizes she played her part as well.
I accept the fact that it will take her awhile to take full responsibity for her part, but she's starting to accept it. XWW told me she knows she was completely wrong because I wanted to work things out, wanted to still see her and be with her, despite all the horrible things she's done.
Now, she fears, I'm just playing her.. waiting until she feels safe and then I will leave her. (When she was still in the fog she WANTED me to leave her!)
I explained to her about the fog.. and the babble talk. and she was embarrased and says she feels so stupid for the things she said and did.
So I see ourselves on the way to recovery. A road I realize won't be easy or short, but I know I can handle if we both work at it.
I can see the look in her eyes again.. that smile she use to have for me, it's still hidden under some fear and pain, but it's there. I know the fear and pain will leave, and my W is coming back to me.
So to all those new here... You do have a chance, listen to everyone's advice.. and the hardest thing for me to do is this.. be patient. be very patient.

Wow! this is great and Happy New Year 2005 makes it better. Congrats...

F4MW, look slike a classic working Plan A !

Maintain consistency and love and you will be all your wife needs to return to a place where you and she can work on rebuilding your marriage.

You have hard times ahead : this isn;t called a rollercoaser for no reason - but you have built a great foundation for recovery.

Take some time to breathe easy and be proud of your efforts. Your W will one day thank you too.

All blessings

FFMW

Congratulations. You must feel soooo much better now. I am not familiar with your story. Perhaps you can post a link. (I am new here)
What do you think worked the best in winning her back ? We (I) need all the advice we (I) can get regarding these matters of the heart.
I do not want to hijack your thread. So, I am very happy for you. Enjoy !!!

Car

Wonderful!! That is great news.It's only been a few days now so be wary but hopeful ok? Get into counseling pronto.

Good luck!

O

Fantastic news what a great 2005!!!

recovery F4mw is hard work, be positive but careful, dont make silly plans yet, work work work and get a good pro M counsellor URGENTLY.

Remember its in recovery where YOUR anger will appear so get ready with all the tools.
But I'm sure you both can do this .

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Congrats! Now comes the hard work, take it from someone who is there now.

It sounds as though she may have truly ended the A. I would not let down my guard just yet, though. There are many of us who have heard those words, seen those looks in their eyes, only to find out contact is still happening...even if she hasn't gone cold turkey, odds are good it is dieing a welcome death.

You will become a bigger threat to the marriage now than her. All through Plan A, you have been totally absorbed in achieving this goal, the end of the A. Now that this has happened (we hope) your taker will come on full speed...what about me...it will play in your head over and over. You will resent her for what she's done...and you will have a lot of anger and some really bad days. But you can make it through those...

Welcome to recovery..put on your helmet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

How long did it take you to execute Plan A? I'm in Plan A myself and my WH keeps saying he expected me to leave also and wants me to leave (so he can feel less guilty).
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> (When she was still in the fog she WANTED me to leave her!) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

hurting in indy.. it lasted about 3 and half months.. it is not completely no contact. (she still has to work with him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )
But there offices are about an hour drive away from each other.
The real test for her is when she has to go to his building for work. (That will be hard for both of us.)
My wife also said she expected me to leave. She said it was the fact that I didn't pack up and leave that she realized how horrible she acted.
Right now, I've just made it past the first mountain (and enjoying the free fall down the other side.) but I know soon I will hit the ground and prepare myself to climb the next mountain.
sorry for the corny allegory!

hurting hoosier- I realized this evening my potential of ruining everything. I asked her how things went at work.
she said OM kept emailing her all day and she only responded to work releated issues.
She did say he asked if they could talk about things and she said "maybe".
I told her she shouldn't have responded.
WW: i kept fix everything overnight.
me: I know, I don't expect you too
WW: I think I'm strong enough, but I'm afraid I'll become weak, he's very manipulative
me: Just remember how much I love you and how much you want to be married to me.

Things are still VERY shakey right now, but I now have confidence in our marriage again.

however, the whole MC thing. I'm going to have to suspend counseling for now (at the most inopportune time) because of financial reasons. My wife and I spent alot of money during (what we comicly call) our drastic weight loss plan.