Hi,
I have done plan A quite well, but that was before I knew about it even. My H wanted a divorce and I was pretty sure I knew why but he tired to say it was us. In the past he has tried to leave me several times and never had the courage. So finally, after much prayer, I thought if he doesn't want to be with me and our 3 kids, then I will move and remove any of his excuses. I moved almost 2 months ago and what a nightmare. The book says separations are risky and most do not reconcile. That is what is appearing to happen, at first he seemed unsure and confused. Now after he has had more time with his co-worker/best firend/lover/married/younger/new mom I have no chance, i'm sure he's in love and wanting to marry her. Her H found out this week, through me, I don't know how it turned out other than my H saying I was harrassing a family for no reason. Yet, her H said to my H "you like to seduce young women don't you". I don't know if she is still planning on a life with my H or not. My H has to be an addict of some sort. He set this whole scenario up 1 1/2 years ago for her to fall in love with him. PLEASE give me some input!!!!!!!

WS love to cry "harassment" when their victims complain. It's part of the manual.

You are "harassing" the other family. That makes you rotten - all he's doing is attempting to destroy the same family. Yeah, you're the bad guy. Haw haw.

Similarly, WS like to abuse the word "abuse".

Your H sounds pretty normal for a WS.

I'm in plan B also, and I don't especially like it either, though it is somewhat peaceful when legal actions aren't going on.

GC

No legal action here either. I just don't have a clue if this is going to work itself out or did I just give him the out he couldn't pull off himself. Then again after he has tried to leave me at least 5 times for 5 different women that I really didn't know too much about, I wonder if I gave him the out to see if things were going to drastically change or is it really over!

This man has cheated on you five times?

What is it you want? He's a horrible husband!

GC

No Graycloud he has tried to leave me for other women about 5 times but he has actually been physicaly unfaithful or emotionally trying to be 23 times in 18 years. I am so codependent aren't I. I do not even feel terribly upset anymore when I find out new things. I just get kind of relieved thinking I can get him back for a while anyway. This time though I moved and now he has no reasoin to end it. I think I finally gave MYSELF the out and didn't realize I was doing it.

No Graycloud he has tried to leave me for other women about 5 times but he has actually been physicaly unfaithful or emotionally trying to be 23 times in 18 years. I am so codependent aren't I. I do not even feel terribly upset anymore when I find out new things. I just get kind of relieved thinking I can get him back for a while anyway. This time though, I moved and now he has no reasoin to end it with OW. I think I finally gave MYSELF the out and didn't realize I was doing it.

No Graycloud he has tried to leave me for other women about 5 times but he has actually been physicaly unfaithful or emotionally trying to be 23 times in 18 years. I am so codependent aren't I. I do not even feel terribly upset anymore when I find out new things. I just get kind of relieved thinking I can get him back for a while anyway. This time though, I moved and now he has no reasoin to end it with OW. I think I finally gave MYSELF the out and didn't realize I was doing it.

No Graycloud he has tried to leave me for other women about 5 times but he has actually been physicaly unfaithful or emotionally trying to be 23 times in 18 years. I am so codependent aren't I. I do not even feel terribly upset anymore when I find out new things. I just get kind of relieved thinking I can get him back for a while anyway. This time though, I moved and now he has no reasoin to end it with OW. I think I finally gave MYSELF the out and didn't realize I was doing it.

ATP, I'm so sorry.

I think your H is one of those philanderer/narcissist types, and they are not very often redeemed.

Have you ever read Pittman's [i]Private Lies[i]? There's much written about philanderers in that book.

GC

No I haven't but I will look for it. It seems all I do these days is read. I don't know why I can't see what others see and call it quits, Our life has been a disaster and now he blames me for controlling him and not meeting his needs and not acting happy. Why don't I see him as he is, why do I think there is hope if he finds God and gets counseling for the "addiction"? When he does not even want to go there?
I guess this new "love" is just what he has been looking for all his life, yea right.