I would assume that most WW's make more withdrawls than deposits into the love bank? How do you deal with it. I feel as thought I am almost dry, nothing left for her to take.

I spent the Holidays with my WW and kids, it was great at times then very poor as well. It got poor when on New Years eve he OM called from Hawaii. I did not LB, but my WW does not have a sensitive bone in her body. Her OM bought her an X-Mass gift as it turned out it was panties and such. She did'nt give them back, she took them and said thanks or whatever she says to him and she even wore a pair!

She tells me she is realy enjoying spending time with me, she tells me she loves me, she tells me she is done with her OM, although she has not sent a N/C letter.

Started my new Plan A four weeks ago, yet it is getting harder everyday. How much contact is to much right now. She and I are in seperate homes, I came back to our house and she left.

Dont know if I can do 5 more months of this.

My WW wont wear her Ring as we are "seperated" <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Should I still were mine. I feel like and idiot at tomes b/c of this. Had some realy good times with her this past week, but am unsure of everything today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

If you want to wear your ring do it, I took mine off on D-Day, and gave it to her (half hoping she would give it back and tell me to wear it, instead she put them both in a drawer and left them there) I regret doing that, so do what you want and won't regret. is she clear about your EN's, and does she know what the continued contact with OM is doing to you?

I think she is very clear on my EN's, and yes she is very aware of what her contact with OM does to me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

She has told me she can only give 50% right now and that I deserve more. At times she is pushing me away so hard and then pullimg me so close. I am now at my most confused.

Alank,

I havent read all of your posts. But much of what you have said was similar with my wife and I. How is Plan A going? Are you doing everything you are supposed to on that?

In His arms.

Mortarman,

Plan A is up and down. My first attemp went very poor, I had left the house was full LB's.

I am now on week four of my new Plan A, some things are great some are not. I came back to the house she left, yet we are spending a great deal of time together. Dates I guess. No real LB on my part, lots on hers though.

She still has some contact with her OM, belives she can be his friend if she bumps into him. She has moved offices so the chance of running into him is less often, yet I know he still calls from time to time, and she falls for him everytime.

Alank,

It got poor when on New Years eve he OM called from Hawaii. I did not LB, but my WW does not have a sensitive bone in her body. Her OM bought her an X-Mass gift as it turned out it was panties and such. She did'nt give them back, she took them and said thanks or whatever she says to him and she even wore a pair!

How can she then tell you she is done with OM? BULLPOOP!!

By wearing the panties the OM picked out and gave to her is waaaayyyy tooooo much!! It is like rubbing the A in your face. It sounds sadistic. Does she have these tendencies or is she just mindless to anyone's feelings but her own?

I think what she is doing and saying are two entirely different things. Cake-eating and fencesitting.

Have you thought about plan B? You are in separate houses already.

I believe the WSs will keep both relationships going until they are forced to choose.

Either NC or see ya!

EDITTED TO ADD: You say it is an EA and he gives her "panties and such"?? Sounds more like a PA to me!

k

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 03:27 PM: Message edited by: krusht ]</small>

Krusht, I think you may be right. We are in seperate homes right now, yet my plan A is only four weeks old? I have seen so much or she has told me so much I think the fog may be lifting.

Part of Plan A is to keep up the pressure to end the affair. Which means, it is not okay for her to blow off her contact as "just friends." That doesnt mean LB. That means bring it up, using "I" statements.

Example: "It hurts me that you still have contact with him. We cannot move forward as long as I continue to feel hurt and scared that there is something going on. Our marriage deserves every chance it can give it. We can only do that if he is completely out of the picture." Stuff like that.

Once you have done your Plan A for the right amount of time, and the contact still continues...then it is Plan B for you!!

But let's finish this out first! Krusht may be right. You definitely want to get her when she is on the fence, deciding between the two of you. But, yo uare right in that your Plan A is still too young. YOU arent ready for Plan B yet. Have you gotten everything figured out? How you will do this logistically? Have you done everythign in the Plan A playbook?

In His arms.

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

She has told me many times she is not ready to move forward with this. She needs time to see if we work together as a couple. She has not committed to this, I am just working my Plan A as best as I can.

Alank... FYI ... Mortarman is one of the very best to offer advice. Take whatever he says as solid gold!

Pep

I am blushing Pep! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Alank,

And that is all you can do. Do your Plan A. Dont EXPECT anything from her. Dont demand anything of her. Establish your boundaries, do your Plan A...work on you. Plan B will come...and then you will be at peace. And because of your Plan A, she will not be at peace. She will feel like hell.

It is then that she will return. I will bet on it.

In His arms.

Mortarman,

I am working my Plan A as best as I can. We have donE an EN survey and I think I am aware of her needs and I am doing the best I can to fill them.

She is doing zero for me in that area. I don't know what the right amount of time is for plan A. She has slowed down the contact with her OM. What used to be daily is now every week or two, if that. She has moved offices, I think my love bank is running dry as I am finding it harder and harder to meet her needs when none of mine are met.

I am tired as it has now been a year almost that we have been going through this. I know the first few months I did nothing right and I only started after I found this site, yet I am wearing down. I am getting tired of being hurt. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

And you will wear down. Plan A is extremely draining.

Are you both in counseling? If not, call Steve Harley. Get moving on this. You need to keep one foot in front of the other.

Do not expect her to meet your needs. Remember, her love bank was in the negative. It will take time to fill it to the point that she will feel like doing anything.

Have you read Surviving an Affair? The main couple used in there didnt feel it either. Neither one much felt love for each other. But they did commit to the Harley plan, and was in counseling with Harley. Over time, the love banks began to fill. And then they said, one day it just surprised them. One day...it just came back. The love. the feelings.

I swear it is like some impatient farmers around here. We throw seeds in the dirt, cover it over...put some water on it. Then the next morning we come out and are mad because we dont see any results.

Well ,that seed has a lot of work to do under the ground, out of sight, before we will see anything.

Same thing goes here. It takes as long as it takes. You cannot rush it. But you can lengthen it.

In His arms.

Mortarman,

I have done all the reading I can and I must say I have picked up a great deal if info.

As for MC with SH, right now I am unable to rub two nickles together, we have no money. I will do all I can to do this on my own untill I can afford more help.

The people on this site have been great. I am doing the best I can, yet at times I am the farmer looking for a crop before it has grown. I am just tired and mad and hurt and so on and so on.

I want my W back, and I want her today <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I have days when my WW and I spend time with the kids, I feel so alive, so happy to be here with them

Now I am having days where it seems like my WW is doing nothing but trying to hurt me and yet I know she is not. I think.

She LB, I listen.
She yells, I listen.
She rants, I listen.
She talks about her OM, I listen.

I feel like she is trying to push me to the point where I will file for the D, and she won't have to worry about it. I think some days the fog has settled on me.

I love her, but I am starting to dilike her at the same time. How well can you Plan A from a differant home?

I am full of rants today, feel very hurt and alone.

P.S. She started at a new office today, should I give her flowers?