My WH left his wedding band at home when he left in October.
I have worn mine from day 1.
Lately a few people have asked me 'why' I still wear it when we are 'getting divorced'. I say that I would like to rebuild our marriage some day. It seems like to the public when they see an affair they think 'yep, divorcing'.

Anyhow, Do you all (BS) still wear your rings, even if WS doesn't and the affair is ongoing?

Thanks!
Danielle

Danielle,

I have heard that from many people also. Here is the question to ask yourself (and to tell them to ask themselves):

Are you still married? The law says you are. God says you are. Just because he abdicated his vows, does not give you the right to abdicate yours. You didnt just make that vow to your husband. You made it by a legal contract. You made it by a covenant with God. So, until the law...until God...releases you from that...you are married.

And that ring has allowed me to witness to many people. They asked the same questions. And I was able to explain what I was doing, that I am still married. In the end, there have been many people walking away wondering whether their commitment to their own vows is what it should be.

Wear the ring...until you are no longer married.

In His arms.

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

I still wear mine, my WW does not wear her's though. She is not interested in giving people the wrong ideas.

I have stopped wearing my ring the day he confessed. I am ashamed to be married to him. Although I very missed wearing my ring. I am into jewelry, and it's a big and beautiful 3 carat.

He, however, has been wearing his gold band throughout the 2 year affair and today.

One thing I notice though, since I took my ring off, I have been approached by men for dates.

It helped my PLAN B MINDSET not to wear it during that time.

When he came home, he put his ring back on and I didn't even notice. He had to mention it to me, surprised that I didn't notice.

I put mine back on then, too.

HE NEVER TAKES HIS RING OFF NOW even when he showers. That is a new behavior.

THE RING THING IS IMPORTANT!!

I wear still wear my rings, but moved them from my left ring finger to my right ring finger.

It felt like the right thing to do. I do not feel very married anymore...but I *am* still married. I don't feel right wearing the rings on my left hand anymore, but don't feel right taking them off.

as to whether or not he wears his, I HIGHLY doubt it. I don't see him so I don't know for sure. He did wear it the whole time during his first visit. His second visit he SWEARS he left it out on his dresser and then forgot to take it. Says a lot, don't you think?

But the funny thing about that was...His second visit was when he said that his feelings about the marriage were changing. So who the heck knows what or how he feels about it?

Dani, My WH wore his ring off and on for the lat few years. Said it irritated his finger. Now since the EA he has taken it off permanently because "he doesn't feel married to me", told me to do what I wanted about wearing mine. Initially I did, but now I feel as if I am fooling myself.
yes MortarMan I am under the law and the eyes of God still married. I have not deserted either of those premises, but I can not continue to profess my love in the disguise of a ring. If and when my WH can say that he loves me again, I will let him put the ring on my finger and recommitt, otherwise I will not wear it.

Dani,
I took my rings off the day I found out, and laid them on the bed next to me. When he came to talk to me, he noticed. I made him put his ring, which is alittle small, back on. He wears it all the time now. I have not put mine back on because I am not ready to send the message that I am definitely staying. ALthough, I like what Mortarman said. I am still married, and I want to stay married. Why shouldn't I wear my ring. I've actually talked to my H about tattooing rings on to our fingers if we can reconcile. If you feel like you should wear your ring, wear it. Its all about how you feel.

Waiting,

That ring isnt about love. It isnt about just you and your husband. It is a vow, a covenant, a contract. If that ring is just about love, then we are no better than the WSs when they said "I was done with the marriage, so I left." But the marriage wasnt done with them.

We have to start getting it here, folks. The Harley principles. But the basic principles arent just Plan A and Plan B. Read their stuff about marriage, about how to have a good one. What is the MAJOR ingredient?? COMMITMENT!!

A commitment kind of love is the kind that lasts. It is the kind we all really want. The kind of love that can be shown by a ring, that can be laid on a dresser or thrown in the trash...isnt worht much.

Remember, the love we want to have is the kind Christ showed for us. It says even when we were dead in our transgressions, He loved us. And He still wears His scars. Do you know that the ONLY person in heaven that doesnt get a new body is Jesus? He will wear His "rings" for eternity. It is His commitment to us.

Think about that.

In His arms.

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

This topic really gets me burning. I continue to wear my ring. I feel naked and very uncomfortable without it. My FWW still won't wear her ring because she doesn't "feel married".

I agree with if you are married, wear your ring. You made promises to both your partner and God. Taking the ring off is a sign (to me) that the WS knows what they are doing is wrong.

It just continues to hurt me and make me feel uneasy. I guess at least I know what sign to look for when she feels married again.

MM..I agree with you 100%, but I feel when I wear my ring it disgraces what it symbolizes. I want my marriage to be pure and about committment not a lie. Am I a Christian, you bet..but going to church on Sundays doesn't make it so. My profession of faith and my life does. Just as my ring does not make me married, my actions do. I tried real hard to keep my ring on but it feels like a mockery at least to my WH.

I guess you are saying that by taking my ring off I am denying my marital vows, just as if I were to deny being a child of God when asked. I will think about that, really.

*****************edited***************

(Business solicitations are against MB policy, do not post them here)

Uh oh,iinfidelity is back.MODS???

Dani,

I couldn't agree more with Mortarman.I feel the same way and so I still wear my wedding ring and I will until the very last day that I am no longer married legally.I have not broken any vows and those same vows and my marriage still mean a great deal to me even though my WH is acting shamefully and selfishly.

He now carries his wedding ring on his keychain which is really disrespectful and hurtful in my mind but I know that he doesn't even care about it anymore nor our marriage.In fact,he can't even say the word(marriage)anymore.

After we D,I will put my ring in my jewelry box for safe keeping.This subject has actually come up a few times in the last year and there certainly are many different opinions to what people do with their rings.

O

Well I'm one of the BS's that still wears his wedding ring. I took it off for a few days after Dday but put it back on shortly. My WW hasn't worn hers since Dday and according to her hasn't worn it for a long time before.

I would have to agree that marriage is a commitment. It's not all love and romance, course that stuff is really great. As MM said it's a legal contract, a oath to God, and an oath to myself. So I guess that since I wan't to do the right thing and be right by law, myself, and more importantly right by God. I WILL wear my ring until I'm D'd.

Native

Neither one of us wears our ring. I can't quite decide what to do with mine. I don't want to sell it but I don't want it. I was thinking of taking it somewhere and having them make something else for me with the stones. Any ideas???

After the sparrow surprised me with a phone call one morning, and I surprised her by putting her in plan B, I took mine off.

It was spontaneous, but it felt right.

There's no "rule" for this one, I reckon.

GC

That must have been some surprise party GC.... j/k. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I guess your kinda right in whatever feels right to each individual, I'm pretty positive that God, which really is all that matters on this subject, won't hold it against us if we don't wear our rings.

Native

TR-

Find out where your H got the ring and call them. Many higher end jewelry stores will allow you to return the diamond for the price paid and get a store credit. You could buy something pretty and sparkley for yourself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also, there is an extremely high markup in diamonds. A 1 ct. VSI D diamond goes for about $2,250... You'd pay 3x that at retail. If you try to sell it you'll get wholesale or less and FL law requires they hold it for 30 days.

Wh (serial cheat) ALWAYS wore his ring. About a month ago - his MOW stopped wearing hers - now he's tossed his in the drawer and never puts it on..

I actually find humor in "their" actions - what are we in high school - were you broke up and gave the class ring back...PLEASE...

A marriage isn't about a ring - yes, it's a symbol of your vows, committment, fidelity - BUT,IMHO - it's the committment in your heart and soul..that matters most..

I've worn mine for many months after D-day - 2 weeks ago I took it off..He's made NO attempt to work on our marriage.

I like another poster am not proud to be married to this man. I do not want him to tell his next MOW that he is even married..I no longer exist in his heart so why mention me at all..I still value the vows and committment I made to him and will continue to conduct myself as a MW..

My wedding ring has been very significant in our recovery progress.

I took off my ring the second I found out about the A. However I read a great thread by Ktulu and I was touched to wear it again.

I wrote this to Ktulu thanking her :

KT we doing better that I ever dreamed we could a few months ago.

That ring thing - let me tell you. I read your post on one of the very worst days. I had to go do some TV for a business thing in London and my FWW found out I sent proof of PA to OM GF on the same day. She was absolutely ACID, hateful, vicious, telling me by phone she was packing and moving out and leaving the country with the kids and OM and all kinds of stuff. I had to keep calm and put my business head on for a Bloomberg soundbyte recording ...

I got home she was EVIL. I checked my mail & this board and read your post. I went straight to our bedroom and put on my wedding ring.

FWW noticed it the very next day. " What the h3ll u wearing that for ? Our Marriage is down the pan !"

I replied "I don't need your permission to wear it. I promised God and you I'd wear it for better or worse. Well, this is 'worse' but my promise to God and you still stands. I want to be married to you. I want to do all I can to stay happily married to you, despite my hurt. Until the LAST MINUTE that there is hope I can help rescue our M I will wear the ring you gave me before God."

She ran upstairs and cried loudly for a long time. I took the kids bowling...

That was the peak of the hatred and fog. She mentioned since that it was very touching for her to see me wearing her ring when she felt so undeserving of it.

I won't take it off again till I'm dead or divorced Ktulu. Nor forget your help.




My Squid has been trying to replace her ring too since then, but a swollen joint prevents it.
She wants her band enlarged so we'll do that at the weekend. She mentioned again last night that my ring was so very important to her.

Can't guarantee the same for anyone else, but this was the right thing for ME to do.