Guess everything is just hitting me all at once. Being left here with three kids for 5 days now to tend to by myself, husband gone to be with OW for his birthday and New Years, he hasn't bothered to call since he left Thursday, didn't show up last night,so I guess he is still with the OW and I feel depressed today... Maybe it's the rain outside. Maybe it's the kids going crazy. Maybe it's just me... Sorry

But you know what... I still am sticking to my fitness program and sticking to my eating healthier plan. Also today I did some reading and journaling. When I finally get all the kids to sleep I plan on taking a bubble bath and relaxing.

No matter how dark things seem right now. I know I will get through this.

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 05:35 PM: Message edited by: New&ImprovedMarylandLady ]</small>

Stay strong- you ARE doing well. He is being an insensitive S.O.B. and deserves nothing less then when he comes home to find the locks changed and a plan B letter waiting. No man or woman should be able to do this and get off scott free, why are you letting him??

You definitely will survive, Maryland! I love your new plan and determination.

It certainly won't last with that 20 year old.

Also, he will be the loser with someone like her.

How long have you been doing PLAN A?

You definitely will survive, Maryland! I love your new plan and determination.

It certainly won't last with that 20 year old.

Also, he will be the loser with someone like her.

How long have you been doing PLAN A?

I found this site around April but I didn't do a plan A at all really. I thought I was but everyday I got on his case about everything, cried, got angry, begged and etc. Being pregnant and the hormones raging it was rough.

Now I realize the things I did to help get our marriage to where it is today. I know what I need to do... I am changing each day. I know I should have handled things differently but I didn't. I guess that is why I haven't gone into plan B yet. I just feel I didn't do the greatest plan A. But the last 2 weeks I have done a better job at it. But plan B is in the near future.

really he has been gone for 5 days with no contact. I believe in my heart that if you do not do Plan B now you are permantly writing DOORMAT on your forhead. Please think about it. YOu are too good a person to be treated this way. I mean really you have 3 kids and he up and leaves. Think about it!

Sorry. It is not time for PLAN B yet. PLAN B is not effective without a STRONG PLAN A.

We will support you. You can do it.

My FWH went away for long periods too and I know how painful it is. Keep yourself busy taking care of yourself like you have been doing.

This will work out for you.

That young girl doesn't have a chance. As painful as it feels to you now, I'm almost sure that he is just using her!!

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

From all that you've shared lately, Maryland, I agree with Mimi. You have to give Plan A the best shot before you move to Plan B.

Remember just after the baby was born and your mind was on the baby and things went so well? That was an example of Plan A. You didn't LB, you weren't arguing with WH, you just "were." And he noticed the change. And he liked it.

Do you expect him to return any time soon?

~ Patrice

I think that it would be wise to remember, mimi, that staying in Plan A can sometimes lead to draining the love bank so that there is nothing left for the BS to work with should her husband decide he wants to try on the marriage. If he keeps going at this rate, New&Improved Lady is going to tell Old&GettingWorse Man to take a hike. She's growing, he's not.

NIML, you go to Plan B when you feel you will have no regrets for having done so. When you can say to yourself that you did a great Plan A and there was nothing more you could do in that avenue. But keep in mind that you do not want to regret not having gone into Plan B sooner. If you're going into Plan B because it doesn't hurt (meaning, you're indifferent to him so Plan B doesn't bother you all that much), then you've waited too long to do so.

What I wish for you is strength, NIML. Strength to do your best Plan A so that you can move on to Plan B. I hurt for you and your children and hope you can get out of this chaos ASAP.

And good for you for eating healthy. Not even talking weight here...ya just had a baby! But eating healthy..it is sooooooooo important. Doesn't it suck that food can be our worst enemy at a time like this, whether it be eating too much or eating too little?

PS Not sure if you've ever mentioned this before. Is your SS's bio-mom part of the picture at all? What about bio-mom's family?

Snow,
I thought he would be home yesterday evening. His vacation time started over Jan 1st... So who really knows when he will be home.

Maddy,
My stepsons mom does not want anything to do with her son. And her parents haven't been around him either.

So if I plan A for a few more weeks... How do I react when he gets here? Especially when I feel so angry right now. I act like he didn't do what he did? Do I just say you are hurting me with what you are doing?

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 06:12 PM: Message edited by: New&ImprovedMarylandLady ]</small>

I agree with Maddy about not risking loss of you love for your WH because of his AWFULNESS. PLAN A for as long as you can though.

Find someway to vent your angry feelings through journaling, posting on here or going outside and yelling.

It's OK to share your hurt with him simply without LBING, without yelling, screaming or pleading. I would sometimes write notes. The key is to maintain your dignity. He knows deep down inside somewhere that he is hurting you. My FWH would try to provoke me when he came home in order to make me into being the bad guy. He would wish for me and the house to look bad in order to rationalize his awfulness.

I remained busy with myself and my house and did not fall into his trap.

Hang in there.

NIML, that is so sad about your SS's bio-maternal family. Thank God he has you, NIML because his bio's aren't caring a whole for him right now, huh? What would happen if you and H were to divorce? Would you ask to keep custody of him?

Teehee, well personally I'd tell him to..hm...better not, don't want to be admonished.

But if you're really Plan A'ing, you do not just ignore it. You use "I" statements to describe how his actions affect you. Don't say "You are hurting me." Say, "I feel disrespected when you X", "I feel worried when I don't know where you are." "I feel overwhelmed with the kids and a new baby when you're not here." You get the picture. He can't argue with any of that. You're telling him how you feel...what's there to argue about? And you do need to let him know, you just do it without LB's.

I don't want to post to much stuff here regarding him and my plan. I think OW may be reading here.

Thank you guys for your advice and support. I am trying to be strong. Sometimes I can't help but get into a slump.

My email is Tina_k_24@hotmail.com

Mimi,
I have read a lot of your posts to people. I have found a lot of things similar in our situation. Thanks for posting to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ah, never thought of that. Good idea :-) Regardless of that, though, he is very very lucky to have you in his life right now.

Since you're journaling, NIML, why not write down the things you REALLY want to say to your husband..no matter how mean or evil. Then look at them to see if you can find a way to change them to "I feel" statements.

I think it's Just J who's very good with that sort of thing if you're having a hard time. Over at SYMC (save your marriage central), I think it was Just J who posted a list of words to use with "i feel" statements. If you'd like it, let me know and I'll eithe rpoint you over there or c&P the list.

I did just start journaling on New Years Day. I found that has helped me get a lot of this out. Also I am starting my workout tonight. That should help get some frustration of of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am cleaning cleaning cleaning!!! Getting rid of the old junk that we don't use, bought a bunch of books that was non realationship to help myself, thinking about writing a book hmmmmmmmm maybe a romance novel... I have a list of things I would like to learn or do. That is my goal for the upcoming year is to complete these for me.

That's awesome!! Especially the writing a book part. Have you thought about starting with just a couple of short stories, just to get in the swing of things? Whenever you get an idea, write it down right away, even if you don't plan on writing for months. Wouldn't you hate to get an awesome idea only to forget what it was?

Have you checked out the Fly Lady? www.flylady.com

Great site for getting your house organized. If you haven't been there, check out the sink cleaning thing. This is your first step to an organized household!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I don't know how you do it, taking care of all 3 kids by yourself. I'm have my hands full with the baby and I have a ton of help. You are doing a wonderful job with your family and this is truely admirable. It really shows the strength you have within you.

How are you doing today? Has WH come home yet? Let us know, we are thinking about you.

Kloe,
Thanks for thinking of me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> My husband did come back home very late on Monday evening. I didn't do so well with the LB. But I am feeling better and sticking to my plan. Course I can't go into to much details because I think the creature reads my posts.

I did go back today for my 6 week checkup. Everything looks good but the doc referred me to my family doctor. He would like to see about putting me on Meds and also have me go to IC for awhile. I am not so sure I want on medication. I told my husband and he thinks that is a bad idea, but to do whatever I wanted.

I am sticking to my healthier eating... (don't wanna call it a diet) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , working out and journaling. Also have some other things I really want to start working on.

How are you doing? Is the baby still up screaming a lot? My son never slept when he was first born. Exactly took him over 6 months to sleep through the night and he wouldn't sleep by himself. Had to be in my bed. I just finally got him to sleep in his own bed and he just turned four. Hope things are going well for you.

If you get time... email me at tina_k_24@hotmail.com

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 06:36 PM: Message edited by: New&ImprovedMarylandLady ]</small>

Bump for Kloe!!!!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />