I was just wondering how does a mediation work and waht happends? I know I'll be having one soon and just kind of curious about how it works.

Can someone please fill me in??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

From what I understand a mediation is an attempt to work out issues surrounding a divorce without having to resort to lawyers. Each side bring their perspective issues to the table and the mediator helps the two sides work through them and come to agreements.

However, I don't believe anything is legally binding, though I could be wrong. Check on that with the mediator.

There is a second kind of mediation done through the courts where both sides hammer our the issues with the mediator and the mediator makes recommendations to the judge. These agreements, I believe, are more binding.

Hope this helps.

~ Snow

Hey TR:

Snowbelle's input is correct. Mediation is normally not legally binding although sometimes one or both attorneys will get together (with you-their clients) and talk about making it legal. Mediation is all about compromise and the mediator's goal is just that - to help you & WS to come to some sort of compromise on each issue. If you are emotionally charged-mediation will not be comfortable, but it is much better than fighting it out with a judge. (Much less costly as well.)

Simply stated; arbitration is normally legal and binding.

Good Luck!

FR

Thank you!!!!

I have a lawyer and my WH doesn't. So I'm assuming that it would be me, my lawyer, my WH and then the mediator?
Wow....I'll know all about divorce once this whole thing is over. More than I ever wanted to know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

tree
your h doesnt have an attorney?!
you are right in your sig line, he is an idiot.
you should come out of this deal smelling like a rose. what state do you live in? is it a alimony, community property state.
good luck

dalson,
No, my H doesn't have an attorney. He has called me twice since he got my response papers. He's now trying to be very friendly and wanting to "help" me. I told him it is no longer between me and him....it's between my attorney and him. He wasn't too happy with that. He's now trying to figure out a way for me to keep our home and help me. I don't want his help now...too late!!!!

I live in Florida.

dalson,
No, my H doesn't have an attorney. He has called me twice since he got my response papers. He's now trying to be very friendly and wanting to "help" me. I told him it is no longer between me and him....it's between my attorney and him. He wasn't too happy with that. He's now trying to figure out a way for me to keep our home and help me. I don't want his help now...too late!!!!

I live in Florida.

Hi TR,

I am going through Mediation right now.Neither my WH nor I have Lawyers present during the negotiations but after all the paperwork is through,I am going to have a local Lawyer review it just to be sure I have not missed anything important.

However,the Mediator I have now is also a Divorce Lawyer and he feels that it's so much more anxiety provoking,adversarial and costly to go through D lawyers so he has chosen to try and help people this way.He works for both of us and is there primarliy to ensure a smooth transistion though the waters of a D.He is there to discuss any issues with us based on his experience.

Basically the Mediator,myself and my WH sit at a table and go over what we would like to see happen,how money is split,visitation,retirements funds split,holidays,evertyhing.The idea is to try and work out as much as you can with your spouse first(agrrements) then go to the Mediator and have him file a contract.It's not binding yet but it will also allow us to go to court with it and the other paperwork we are both filling our separately and say to a judge that we agree with all that is filed.

Granted it has been hard for me because I cannot stand to be in the same room with my WH and also,we are arguing over alimony and CS now so the next step is that we are meeting with a Financial Advisor(FA) to determine how best to split the money,retriement funds,home issues,and how to settle alimony and CS for tax purposes which sounds a bit daunting.I wouldn't dare try to figure that portion out on my own.

I understand that you do not want help from your WH but it may be worth your while to avoid high cost lawyers if you can muster enough strength to get through some Mediation.

Hope this helps.

O

edited for those pesky typos*

<small>[ January 04, 2005, 10:09 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

is florida an alimony state, with him not having an attorney, he doesnt have a leg to stand on, your attorney can dictate what goes on because he knows the game. your h has a hard lesson ahead of him.
you definately have the upper hand. who knows with alimony and child support you may be able to keep your house.

dalson..
I haven't given up hope yet about keeping the house.
Florida isn't really an alimony state but according to my lawyer there are many ways to collect alimony and we're going for it!
I do feel that I have the upper hand now.
I don't know what's worse.....him trying to be nice to me or not talking to him. It's all so awful no matter how you look at it.

just take the nice part and dont show him your hand.

this is just a shot, but if he is being nice, is there a chance he might want to try to work it out

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">this is just a shot, but if he is being nice, is there a chance he might want to try to work it out


dalson...I don't know. He keeps saying "I just can't come back after what I've done." He also says things like...I just wasn't happy and both of us need to move on. Who knows with him. He did seem to get upset last night when I was talking about me meeting someone esle and this person being in our son's life.
I haven't met anyone but just talking about the future. He started crying and had to hang up. I don't honestly want him back but it would be nice if he would show some remorse and some regret.

it blows my mind, the mindset of all ws i just cant see where there thinking comes from. my fww said and i quote, i think we will be back together someday, i just have alot of pain and anger toward you that i need to work through. it might not be in the next month or 2 but next year or 2 im sure it will work out, i love you so much.
i said im giving until the d is final and im done, if this marriage is not worth working on then why would i think the next one would.
crazy talk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yep...my WH said the same thing. He said we may get married again one day. WHAT??? I told him that why would I want to marry him again if he can't even respect me now and work on the marriage that we have NOW. Crazy!!!!

there has to be a script that fathful spouses are barred from reading. cause all the same crap comes out.

so you are from florida? did the hurricanes get you?
what is it a chilly 80 degrees there? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, I live in Florida but was born and raised in Charleston, SC. I moved to Florida with my H when we got married....now I want to go back home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Yea, it's 80 today. I wish it was cold though. I miss the winter weather.
Where are you from?

the texas panhandle
and you can have the weather we are having today,freezing rain, so being from SC are you a nascar fan

Nahhhhh...not a nascar fan. I love baseball and hockey. My WH was a professional baseball player....go figure.

are you moving back to SC after d

I would love to go back to SC but my WH isn't giving me permission to do so. In Florida you have to have the other parents permission to leave the state. NIce huh? He screws me over and then keeps me from being near my family.