My question is it has been 6 months since dday, when I found out that my wife was having an affair. I have been thru the roller coaster ride and have gotten thru it ok. My wife has no contact with the om. The prob. that I am having is she is not showing any remorse and still blaming me for everything that has gone wrong in our marriage.

I am getting pretty tired of hearing all of this and not bieng able to do anything right. I never left the house since this started. In fact I have been doing more around the house and getting her things that she has wanted in the past.

I almost feel that the only way for her to appreciate me is for her not to have me. I dont know if leaving is the thing to do or not. I have two kids that I dont want to get hurt thru this also. I just want her to appreciate me. Help.

Hello IMC2

During the past 6 months how has your Plan A been, look really hard at it, most of us think we're doing a good job; however we could be doing better (I'm in this group also)? Does you Plan A seem like it's having no effect? Then maybe it is time to go to Plan B, is there a way that you could get your WW to move out voluntarily?

Just wondering,
Native

IMC2,

No remorse?? No guilt? No "I didn't mean to hurt you!"? No effort to reconcile, to work on the M?

Maybe there is still something going on. Sounds like total fogbabble still. Usually they realize the pain they have caused.

Maybe the only way to divert that shame and guilt is to lash out at you and the M.

Will she go to MC?

Also, like Native said, take a good look at your actions and words in the Plan A. If it is a true plan A she should be seeing a difference.

Have you read the His Needs/Her Needs? Or fill out the questionnaire. Would she fill it out?

k

In the beginning she told me that she was sorry for what she did. And she says that she is working on the marriage. But she still blames me for everything. She told me the other day that she wishes I would have treated her better in the past so she wouldnt have done what she did.

I also agree that i do need to go back and look at plan A. I also think that I am doing all the work, but now Im starting to retreat.

IMC2,

I'm stating the very obvious here. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing you did in the M to allow your WW to have an affair. You do know that right. I too know what it's like to be the only one fighting for an M to workout. Unfortunately from what I've read in books and at this forum this is usually the norm. Just don't take her words seriously. It's complete garbage, DO NOT take her words seriously. Let her actions show you what she wants.

Native

Are you sure there has been NC? Are you taking your Wifes word for this, or is there someway you can verify it?

Often times your WW will not accept your Plan A while she is still having contact. That is because she is getting those needs met by the OP. She will reject your overtures. Only afterwards will she remember the Plan A and the effort and changes you made. It is unfortunate but true. By then you may have lost all your feelings for her ... Plan A is hard, but it is really all about changing you. You can't change her.

My DDay was in May until I was ordered out of the house in October. My STBX lied to me several times about it being over.

I have read this on here often:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believe none of what they say and only half of what they do </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know if you WW is firm in her NC, but she is acting like a person still in contact.

JMO

Good Luck

I agree with TJ here. My WW didn't like my Plan A b/c she was still continuing her A with her OM#1. It really doesn't seem like she's in NC. Women need affection and SF just like guys do, if she's not accepting what your giving that means that she's getting it from OM. I really hope I'm wrong though.

Native

FYI, Native. You could not be MORE wrong. Many, maybe even most, women can get along just fine without affection and/or SF. ESPECIALLY if they are not emotionally connected to their spouse. SF is NOT a physical need/urge/desire for most women in general. If the emotions are not there, neither is the interest. I realize there are exceptions to this.

And as far as I'm concerned, A's don't happen in truly happy marriages. Not that they are ever justified or the BS's fault, but one must look past the A to what allowed the M to be susceptible to an A in the first place. Even Harley says A's begin because of unfulfilled ENs. Just because the BS was happy pre-A or thought the marriage was good, doesn't mean it was. IMVHO.

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 06:28 AM: Message edited by: lsatyd ]</small>